


Angels Are Watching Over You

by GatorGirl2016



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Castiel/Top Dean Winchester, Broken Dean Winchester, Castiel is Not Okay (Supernatural), Castiel is Older Than Dean Winchester, Castiel is Protective of Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Time Having Sex, Dean Winchester is Protective of Castiel, Drunkenness, Emotionally Hurt Dean Winchester, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Fallen Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Falling In Love, First Time Bottoming, Friends to Lovers, Gay Male Character, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Protective Castiel (Supernatural), Protective Dean Winchester, Top Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:00:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 53,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24597907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GatorGirl2016/pseuds/GatorGirl2016
Summary: Dean Winchester's life has been three steps back and zero steps forward. He has somehow managed to reach his thirtieth birthday and he doesn't have a single good thing going for him. He hasn't spoken to his brother in years, he hasn't been able to keep a steady job, he's about to get kicked out of his apartment, and he has a serious drinking problem. The only consistency in his life is the angel statue in his favorite park that his mother designed. Dean's on the precipice of tumbling into a hole he will have no hope of climbing out. His guardian angel decides that he is going to break orders and finally intervene in Dean's life. Castiel will do anything to get Dean's life back on track even if it comes at the cost of his own. Will Castiel be able to help Dean with all his problems before his own time runs out?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 54
Kudos: 148





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! Hope you guys are ready for a roller coaster of a ride! This story was inspired by notwithd and her gorgeous artwork over on tumblr! It's amazing what can be inspired by one single picture! This story will be updated but there will be no set posting schedule but I will do my best to not be too long in between updates! Really hope you guys enjoy this story as it's something completely different than what I normally write!

Dean Winchester’s life was shit, no other way around it! He took another sip of beer from the bottle he held in his hand before sitting it down on the brick wall next to the already empty bottle. Dean huddled into the denim jacket he wore as a breeze flowed through the tops of the trees that surrounded him. His green eyes were empty as he gazed at the scenery in front of him, not taking any of it in. His eyes flicked to the statue next to him.

The angel had stood as guardian of this section of the park for nearly three decades. Dean had always admired the statue for it gave a modern view of the guardian of Heaven. People were used to seeing angels wearing robes, haloes hovering above their heads, harps held in their hand, and wings spread wide behind them. The only clue that this was an angel was the large feathery appendages that were partially curled around the man’s body. There was no halo or harp and he certainly wasn’t dressed in a robe. Instead, this angel was dressed in business casual, his hands resting inside the pockets of a large trench coat that hung loosely on his frame all the way to his knees.

This statue held a special place in Dean’s heart because it had been built by one of the most important people in his life, Mary Winchester, his mother. She had been an aspiring artist and said the statue was inspired by a dream she had before Dean was born. It was a story that Dean had heard multiple times but had never grown tired of hearing. As he stared at the angel, he was once again reminded of his mother’s words.

*************

“Angels are watching over you my darling boy,” Mary said as she held her son close in her arms.

Young Dean’s body trembled at the memory of the nightmare that had woken him and caused Mary to come rushing into his room. “How do you know momma?”

The corners of Mary’s mouth curved upward as she ran fingers through her son’s short blond hair, hoping to erase the fear the nightmare had caused him. “Because I’ve seen one in my dreams.”

Forest green eyes widened at his mother’s words, “Tell me momma!”

“You see, your daddy and I had been trying an awfully long time to have a little baby of our own and we were both feeling really sad when we went to sleep one night. After I fell asleep, I was visited by an angel in my dreams.”

“Did he have wings and a halo,” the little boy asked.

Mary chuckled at her son’s curiosity. “He had wings but no halo. In fact, he was wearing pants and this big ole trench coat that was way too big for him. He told me not to be afraid of him.”

“What did he want?”

“He told me to not lose faith and that a blessing was coming my way very soon. I asked him what he meant but he just said that he was watching over me and my family and had decided to reward us for our loyalty to God,” Mary described what had she had been told.

“What was your reward,” Dean asked, wholly focused on his momma’s story.

She leaned down and peppered kisses on his chubby cheeks. “You were my sweet boy. The next day I found out I was going to be a mommy and seven months later, you came into this world. You were the best reward I could have been given.”

“What about Sammy?”

“He is a wonderful reward too sweet boy. I love you and your brother and daddy so much.”

“We love you too momma,” Dean said as his mouth opened in a wide yawn.

“It looks like someone is ready to fall back to sleep,” Mary said as she tucked her son into his bed.

Dean yawned again as he snuggled under the covers and pulled his favorite stuffed bear close to his chest. “Night momma, I love you.”

Mary placed a tender kiss to his forehead. “Night my sweet boy. I love you too. Remember, angels are watching over you.”

*************

Those were the last words Mary ever said to her eldest son. She was killed that night in a house fire caused by faulty wiring. John had thrust baby Sam into Dean’s arms and told him to run out the house. John had done his best to save Mary, but he had run out empty handed as he gathered his boys into his arms and watched their home burn. That was the nigh John lost all faith in God and forbade his sons from mentioning anything to do with religion, especially angels.

Dean continued to stare at the statue as he took another drag from his beer bottle. He glared at the angel who mocked him. Mary had designed him after the angel in her dreams and the statue was finished right after Dean’s first birthday and had stood in the park ever since. His father despised the angel, saying it was a painful reminder of what they had lost. Dean loved it for just the opposite reason. He felt it was the only thing left that allowed him to feel closer to his deceased mother.

Right now, he had to agree with his father. “Angels are watching over you,” Dean scoffed as he glared at the statue. “Yeah, well if that’s true, you’re doing a pretty shit job at it buddy. My life is falling apart, and I don’t see you helping.”

As Dean sat in a park on a stone wall, next to a statue of angel, he thought about all the ways his life had gone to hell. Of course, the worst had been when his mom died. After that, John, started drinking and went through job after job. This meant Dean, at the young age of four, was forced to learn how to take care of his baby brother who was only six months old. Looking back now, it was a miracle Sam even made it to see his first birthday.

As Sam and Dean grew, John became more reclusive until it was to the point, they only saw him when he would stop by their tiny apartment to drop off money for food and supplies. Dean, having to find a way to get more money to help support him and Sam, ended up getting two jobs at the age of sixteen. One at McDonald’s and the other at the local mechanic shop, his love for cars and eagerness to work made up for lack of experience. Two years later, he graduated high school with his mechanic’s license. He quit the job at McDonald’s allowing the auto shop to hire him full time.

It was three months after he graduated that John died after wrapping his car around a tree. Dean managed to get custody of Sam and the two continued living in the same apartment, Dean’s job barely providing enough money for them to live. Even though they lived from paycheck to paycheck, they were happy or so Dean thought. His world crumpled around him yet again when Sam told him he had gotten a full ride scholarship to Stanford. That conversation would be forever etched in his memory.

*************

“Uh, Dean, could I talk to you for a few minutes,” Sam asked hesitantly as his brother sat at the kitchen table going over the bills.

“Yeah, Sammy, what’s up?”

“It’s Sam,” he corrected his older brother for the thousandth time. Like always, Dean ignored him. “Well, uh, you know how I applied to colleges a few months ago right?”

Dean looked up and nodded. “Sure, I do. Did you hear back from any yet? Have you heard back from KU?”

Kansas University was the college Dean most wanted Sam to go to because it would allow Sam to live at home, keeping him close to his big brother.

Sam chewed on his lips before finally answering. “Yeah, I heard from KU. I got in.”

Dean’s face brightened, “That’s awesome Sammy, congratulations. So, when is orientation?”

Sam scratched at the back of his neck, refusing to look at his brother. “Um…well, you see…actually…I’m not going to KU. I just got my acceptance letter from Stanford and they are giving me a full ride, everything covered. I won’t have to pay a single cent.”

Dean’s eyes darkened in anger as he clenched his jaw. He sat silently for a few minutes, his hands clenching and unclenching on the table. “What do you mean you aren’t going to KU? I thought that’s what you wanted?”

“That’s what you wanted Dean. Stanford has always been my real dream,” Sam tried to explain.

The chair crashed to the floor as Dean stood up. Even at seventeen, Sam was taller than Dean but that didn’t stop him from taking a step back at seeing how angry his brother was. “Why the fuck did you never say anything? I’ve been busting my ass to take extra shifts to help have extra money when you started college. Now, you’re telling me, you’re moving halfway across the United States!”

Sam gestured towards his brother; a frown settled on his face. “This is why I didn’t tell you Dean! I knew you would be mad that I was considering going to a school out of state!”

“I’m not mad, I’m furious! I’ve already lost Bobby and dad; I don’t want to lose you too!”

“You’re not going to lose me! I’ll still come visit whenever I can. This is my dream Dean, why can’t you just support it,” Sam begged of his older brother.

Dean turned away from his brother, refusing to let him see the tears that were falling. The thought of losing Sam terrified him to death. He just knew his little brother would head off to California and forget all about his grunt of a brother who was just a lowly mechanic.

“Whatever. Go to California if you want,” Dean said, his voice cold as he walked out the kitchen, shoving past Sam in the process.

*************

Two months later Sam graduated high school and moved out to California. They had talked at first but eventually they stopped calling and it was going on eight years since they had last spoken a word to one another.

After Sam left, Dean started turning into John more and more. He began drinking heavily, consuming a six pack of beer a day. He went from job to job because most days he came in drunk if he even showed up at all. The apartment he managed to afford was run down and needed dozens of repairs that the landlord refused to fix. His last relationship had been more than five years ago, and it had been months since his had been laid.

Today had just been icing on the cake. He had woken up to find a notice on his door telling him he had until the end of the month to pay his overdue rent or else he would be evicted. He managed to show up to work on time only to be told he had been fired. On the way home, his car gave out, forcing him to call a tow truck. The company offered to give him a ride home, but he waved them off, his apartment not too far away. He decided to visit the park after a quick stop at the gas station.

“Happy thirtieth birthday to me, eh angel,” he raised the bottle to his lips before chugging the rest of the beer.

The statue was as silent and uncaring as ever. Dean sat alone for another ten minutes before hauling himself to his feet. He grabbed the empty beer bottles, gave a two-finger salute to the angel, and headed home. Had he looked back, he might have been able to see the shadow of a man that was standing in front of the statue watching as his charge staggered away.

He spread his wings wide and vaulted into the sky. He flew higher and higher until he landed on a cloud far above what any human could ever reach. He tucked his wings against his back before heading through the gates. He had a single purpose as he marched through the clouds, only one destination in mind. He walked inside a tall building and ignored the angel that was sitting at the desk. She called after him, telling him he didn’t have permission to continue down the long hallway.

He didn’t stop until he was outside a nondescript brown door. He knocked once in warning before barging in. The angel behind the desk looked up as Castiel came to a halt in front of his large mahogany desk.

“Castiel, what can I do for you? Aren’t you supposed to be watching over your charge,” Michael asked.

“That’s why I’m here Michael. Dean, he is suffering. He won’t make it much longer if things continue the way they are,” Castiel explained to his superior.

“You are telling me you are failing at your job Castiel? No human you’ve been assigned to watch has ever faltered under your care.”

“No human I’ve ever had has been faced with such trials and tribulations as Dean. He has lost everyone around him and is spiraling into a pit he won’t have a chance of coming out of. He needs some divine interference Michael,” Cas growled.

Michael sighed, already bored with the conversation. “Castiel, you know the rules. We can help in small ways. A push here; an urge there but that is all. I have a feeling you are asking for more.”

“Yes, Dean has lost faith in not only his friends and family but himself. He needs a physical interference,” Castiel argued.

Michael lurched to his feet, towering a few inches over the other angel. “What you ask is forbidden! No guardian angel is allowed to offer tangible assistance to the human they are assigned to!”

Cas’ lips were set in a tight line and he glared at Michael. He could feel his grace pulsing inside of him and he was barely keeping his wings held tightly to his back. He knew what he was asking was against the rules, but Dean was different than any other human he had been assigned to.

Realization flashed in Michael’s eyes. “Oh Castiel. You’ve broken one of our most important rules.”

“What is that?”

“You’ve fallen in love with this human.”

Castiel jerked back as if he had been slapped. His eyes narrowed as he looked at the other angel. “I would suggest you keep your opinions to yourself Michael.”

Michael chuckled as he walked around and leaned against the desk, crossing his ankles. “It’s not an opinion Castiel, it’s fact. I’ve never seen you so flustered and concerned for one of your charges. Tell me, what about this human is different?”

Cas’ shoulders slumped in defeat. “It’s his soul. I’ve never seen a human with a soul who shines so brightly, more so than any angel’s grace could hope. He cares more deeply than any other human I’ve ever come across. That means when his heart breaks, the cracks run deep, and they never heal. He is broken Michael, but I know I can help repair him. He doesn’t deserve the path he’s going down.”

Michael studied Castiel. The angel tried not to fidget under the penetrating glare. Michael’s lips were set in a thin line as he looked the man up and down. He sighed before he spoke, giving Castiel two choices. “You have two options Castiel. You can continue being a guardian angel, but Dean will be reassigned to another angel. You are too close to this human.”

“What’s the other option,” Castiel asked, holding his head high.

“You want to help Dean then you will be given the ability to do so but you know the cost.”

Cas’ grace ran icy as his wings arched up high and spread out. “You can’t mean.”

Michael gave a solemn nod. “To help the human in the way you’ve asked, you may interact with him, but it will cause you to Fall over the course of the next few months. Once you start Falling, there is no going back Castiel. Are you willing to do that?”

“What happens when my grace is gone completely?”

“The transition from angel grace to human soul is tremendous. You know the answer to your question Castiel,” Michael replied.

Cas sighed, “No angel has ever survived Falling.”

Michael nodded. “Exactly. Are you really willing to give up your life for one inconsequential human?”

“What happens after I’ve Fallen and died,” Castiel asked, ignoring Michael’s previous question.

“You will cease to exist. You won’t go to the Empty as you won’t be an angel nor will you go to Heaven since you won’t have a soul. It will be like you were never created in the first place.” Michael replied, a grim expression on his face. “Make your choice Castiel or I will make it for you.”

Castiel closed his eyes, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. It wasn’t really a choice at all. He opened his eyes, staring directly into Michael’s. “I choose… Dean.”

In the next instant, Castiel was no longer standing in Michael’s office. Instead he was standing in the park he had left minutes ago. He hadn’t realized how much time had passed, the Sun long since set and the moon high in the sky. There were some things he needed to take care of before he tried to integrate into Dean’s life. It would require him to use his grace which would only cause it to deplete faster, but some things couldn’t be helped.

He walked out the park and headed towards one of the seedier parts of town. He knew exactly where he was going, watching over humanity for thousands of years had its perks. He stopped outside a nondescript building and knocked on the door. He could hear footsteps from inside as he waited for the door to be opened.

A petite red-headed woman answered the door, her smile disappearing as she saw Cas standing in the doorway. “Who are you and what do you want,” she asked, a hard edge to her voice.

“I require your services Ms. Bradbury. I need you to create a fake identity for me. I also need a birth certificate, social security number, and ID,” Cas replied stoically.

She raised an eyebrow at him, “How did you even find out about me?”

“I was, uh, sent to you,” Cas lied.

She didn’t look convinced. “Who sent you?”

Castiel ran his hand through his hair nervously. Charlie was a master at helping create new identities for people. He desperately needed her help if he was going to transition into a human life successfully.

“I don’t remember his name, sorry.”

Charlie huffed and started to close the door. Cas slammed his hand against the wood, preventing her from closing it completely. He did a quick search through her memories, looking for the information he needed to convince Charlie to help him.

“Wait, I do remember him. His name was Costello. He’s kind of tall, brown hair, beady eyes, thin lips. Always has a scowl on his face,” Cas described the man.

Charlie took her hand away from the door and leaned against the frame. “Yeah, ok and how do I know you’re not some serial killer or something. Costello ain’t exactly the nicest guy around.”

Castiel smirked, “And what does that say about yourself if you are friends with such a person? What you’re doing isn’t exactly the most legal operation.” He used his grace to push a small bit of compulsion through Charlie’s subconscious.

Charlie chuckled at his comment, but her face did light up into a smile. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Who or what the hell you running from anyway?” Cas went to answer but she held her hand up before he could speak. “Doesn’t matter, not my business. I can get all that for you by five tomorrow but it’s gonna cost you.”

“I can get you the money, do not worry.”

“Fine, what name do you want to start your new life with,” she asked. Charlie rolled her eyes and studied one of her fingernails, already growing bored with the conversation.

“Castiel Novak. For my backstory, I came from regular middle-class parents. I graduated high school but never went to college. I had a few jobs here and there but nothing extreme. Keep it simple,” Cas described to her.

“Sure, any other requirements? Any brothers, sisters, anything like that?”

He shook his head, “No, single child and both parents are dead.”

She nodded, “Ok. That’s all I need then. Be back here at five tomorrow with five hundred and you’ll have a brand-new life waiting for you.”

She didn’t give him a chance to reply as she shut the door in his face. He walked off, going through the options of where he could secure the money needed. He finally settled on a target. He stretched his wings and flew directly to the bedroom of one of the most notorious crime bosses in the city.

The man was sound asleep in his bed. Cas walked over and placed two fingers to the man’s forehead. Cas used his now limited grace to search the man’s mind for the information he needed. He smirked when he found what he was looking for. He left Crowley to walk to the hidden safe in the wall. From Crowley’s mind, he had learned how to access the safe and the code needed to unlock the safe.

He removed a few thousand dollars from the safe before closing it. He glanced around the room and saw two different cameras. He used his grace to wipe them clean before flying out the room. He made a few more stops to pick up a few items he would need. By the time he was done, he had a backpack, a couple change of clothes, and a wallet. He had thrown his old clothes away except for the trench coat that he was too fond of to get rid of.

He still had around six hours before he could return to Charlie. He decided to check in on Dean and see how the human was doing. He flew to Dean’s apartment but found it empty. He remembered that his car had broken down yesterday. He surmised that Dean might be at the tow company.

He started walking, the company only an hour’s walk away. As he neared, he was able to make Dean outside the front building talking to another man. He got close enough to hear but made sure to stay out of sight.

“Please, can I just use your place to fix my car up? I can’t afford to pay for it to get fixed,” Dean said angrily.

“Look, Dean, I wish I could help but you can’t seriously expect me to let you fix your car in my garage without paying,” the man argued back.

“Is there anything I can do so that you will let me use your place,” Dean pleaded with the man.

The garage owner frowned but he did seem to be considering Dean’s offer. “You show up for the next week straight at closing time and clean the garage up for my men so they can leave a little early, I’ll let you fix your car here.”

Dean’s face broke into a smile. “Yes, absolutely. I’ll be here tonight at five. Thank you so much Rufus”

The guy nodded before walking back inside. Dean stood there a moment longer before turning on his heel and walking out the yard. He wasn’t paying attention to where he was going and walked right into Cas. Both men stumbled away from one another, each trying their best not to fall.

Dean glared at Cas, “Hey man, why don’t you watch where you’re going.”

Castiel wiped at his trench coat before crossing his arms and frowning at Dean. “Excuse me, but you ran into me not the other way around. I was already standing here when you came barreling down the sidewalk.”

Dean started to say something, but he shut his mouth as he stared at Cas. His gaze took in Cas’ features and the coat he was wearing. His eyes filled with disbelief the longer he looked at Cas. “Do I know you? You look awfully familiar.”

Cas grew concerned. He had always made sure that Dean had never noticed him while he was watching over him. Had he accidentally shown himself to the man?

“Yeah I do know you or at least I know of a statue that looks just like you. There’s a statue in the park off Main street and it’s almost an exact replica of you right down to the trench coat you’re wearing. The only thing you’re missing are the giant wings on your back,” Dean rambled as he continued to stare at Castiel in shock.

“I know of the statue you speak of and I assure you it and I are completely unrelated. I am certainly no angel,” Cas replied.

Dean shook his head. “Well, duh but still, the likeliness is uncanny. I’m sorry for running into you. You’re right, it was my fault.”

“It’s ok, no harm done. Where were you headed in such a hurry anyways,” Cas asked nonchalantly.

He watched as Dean rubbed at the back of his neck and dragged the toe of his boot through against the concrete. “Nowhere really. Don’t have anywhere to be especially since my car is broke and I’m out a job.”

“I understand that feeling. I too have nowhere to go.”

“You got a broke car and no job as well,” Dean joked, a small smile on his face.

“More like no job and no home. I was recently evicted from my home and lost my job all at the same time. I have been drifting for a bit now. Trying to find my place in this world,” Cas lamented.

He was glad the clothes and bag he had purchased were from the local Goodwill. He knew having brand new clothes would have made Dean suspicious of the story he was trying to fabricate. If he was going to help Dean, he needed to be able to be close to him and he was hoping pity was the way to go.

“Yeah, well, I know how you feel. Car is broke, just got fired, threatened to be evicted from my apartment by the end of the month; seems like we’re both a couple of lost souls.” Dean glowered at the ground as he listed just some of the problems in his life right now.

“It would seem so.”

“Hey, you know what, how ‘bout we go get some lunch together. Maybe you can tell me a bit more about how your life came to be crap and I’ll share my own sob story with you. We can bond over burgers and beer,” Dean joked halfheartedly.

Castiel chewed on his lip. As an angel, he didn’t need to eat or drink and until his grace was much more depleted, he wouldn’t have to do either of those things. But he didn’t want to pass up this opportunity to connect with Dean. It could be the offer he needed to get closer to Dean.

“I just ate a little bit ago, but I would love to accompany you to lunch. It has been awhile since I’ve had the chance to converse with a friend,” Cas said, accepting the offer.

“Cool, I know a joint about five minutes from here that has pretty good food. Let’s go before my stomach starts growling. My name is Dean by the way,” he said, holding his hand out for Cas to shake.

Cas shook it, “It’s a pleasure to meet you Dean. My name is Castiel.”

Dean’s lips curved up, “Castiel, huh? Sure you aren’t an angel?”

They started walking towards the diner, Cas falling in line next to Dean.

Cas snorted, “I assure you I am not. My father was very religious.”

“Yeah, so was my mom. She always used to say angels were watching over me. After she died, if any were, they tucked wing and flew away. My life has been a shit show ever since Cas,” he said, his shoulders slumped, and his hands tucked in his pockets.

Castiel tilted his head curiously, “Cas?”

Dean glanced over at him, “Yeah, your full name’s a mouthful but if you don’t want me calling you that, I won’t.”

“No, it’s fine. Nobody has ever given me a nickname before. I like it.”

Dean gave a single nod as they walked the rest of the way to the restaurant in silence. They were quickly seated, and their orders taken. Cas ordered a glass of water at Dean’s insistence. Dean ordered a beer along with a burger and fries.

While they waited for Dean’s food to arrive, they resumed their earlier conversation. “So, how’d you get evicted?”

“Uh,” Cas struggled to come up with an explanation. “Um, the owner decided to up the rent and I refused to pay it. I was paying too much as it was. That very same day I was fired from my job without any explanation except for last hired is first fired. I tried getting another job but couldn’t find anything. I had no choice but to sell my stuff in the apartment and only kept what I could carry in my bag here. I have found the whole ordeal oddly liberating so I pulled all the money from my bank account and started walking. Drifting along with nowhere to go and no one to please has been oddly enlightening.”

Dean stared at him as if he had grown an extra head. “Yeah, ok. Although, I guess when I think about it, I kind of get it. No expectations and nobody to let down, doesn’t really sound that bad after all.” He huffed. “All I do is let people down.”

He froze, surprised at the admission that slipped from his lips. Cas was a complete stranger and he was sure he had no desire to hear all about Dean’s screw ups. He jerked when he felt a light touch to the back of his hand.

Cas’ eyes were soft as he spoke up. “You said you were going to tell me the story Dean. There is nothing to be ashamed of. We all have our own struggles and guilt.”

Dean took a long sip from his beer. “Yeah, well, some of us more than others Cas. Like I said, after mom died, my life went downhill pretty damn quick.”

“You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to but I’m here, totally nonjudgmental,” Cas quipped.

“After mom died, Dad took a job as a truckdriver and became a ghost in the wind. He dropped us off at a friend’s house and we lived with Bobby until I turned thirteen. At that point dad said I was old enough to watch over Sam by myself. Bobby tried to convince dad to let us stay with him, but dad refused. Bobby sent us stuff in the mail to help out but there wasn’t much else he could do. After that, dad stopped by the apartment to drop money off and make sure we weren’t dead but was hardly home otherwise,” Dean explained, keeping his eyes on the beer in his hand.

Cas sat quietly and listened to Dean talk. He knew all of this of course but if talking about his past would help Dean, then so be it. He took a small sip of the water to keep up the appearance of being human.

“How fucked up is that Cas? My own father left me, a thirteen-year-old kid, to take care of his little brother. It’s a miracle I didn’t burn the apartment down or give Sam food poisoning. If it wasn’t for having Bobby on speed dial, I probably would have,” Dean said harshly.

“Was there anything more Bobby could have done?”

Dean shook his head as he took another sip of beer, “No, dad threatened him so Bobby did what he could which I will always be grateful for. If it weren’t for Bobby, I never would have managed to get Sam and myself through high school. Hell, I don’t know how I got through school. I was never a great student and working two job ensured I hardly ever had time to study.”

“Why were you working two jobs? I thought your dad left you money,” Cas asked.

Dean snorted. “Yeah, but it was never enough to last us for how long he was gone. I did what I had to do to make sure we had a roof over our heads. Once I graduated, I got a full-time job as a mechanic and it got a little easier. We didn’t have a lot of extra money, but Sam and I had enough to get by. Even after I turned eighteen, dad dropped off money so that helped.”

At this point, the waitress brought Dean’s food out to him. Dean asked for another beer and then she left them alone. Cas watched as his companion took a large bite out of his burger before continuing to talk.

“It sucked dad wasn’t around but honestly, things weren’t too bad. I was happy and Sam was happy or so I thought,” Dean said with a frown as he popped a ketchup covered fry in his mouth.

Cas looked down, not wanting Dean to see the look in his eye. He knew of course what Dean was talking about. He had to stand by helplessly and watch that argument pan out between the brothers.

“Sam was always super smart and there was no doubt he was going to college, but I always thought he would go to college here so that we could still be together. Then he comes to me and tells me he’s going to Stanford. Stanford Cas, that’s fucking thousands of miles away,” he was practically shouting, garnering attention from a few other patrons.

He grabbed his beer and took a long swallow before slamming it on the table. Cas could see the fury rolling off his shoulders. He knew that Sam leaving had been the tipping point that had caused Dean to spiral into the pit he now found himself in.

“How could he do that? How could he leave me when he was the only family I had left? Bobby and dad had passed away, so it was just me and Sam. Everything I had done had been for him and he just up and left to Stanford without looking back,” Dean ranted.

Cas sighed, trying to think of what he could say without angering or upsetting Dean further. “Did you ever ask him why he left; why he chose to go to Stanford?”

Dean opened and closed his mouth multiple times before looking away, a glare on his face. “No,” he said curtly.

“A friend of mine, Hannah, had a sister, Anael. Anael did something that Hannah didn’t approve of and it caused a huge rift between them. Anael died and they never reconciled. Hannah was later given a letter that explained why Anael had done what she did. It turned out Anael’s boyfriend had been stalking her and she was trying to get away from him. Hannah had never approved of him in the first place and Anael didn’t want to hear her say I told you so. She ran away and because Hannah refused to talk to her, they lost contact with each other,” Castiel described.

It wasn’t a lie. Anael had Fallen to try and escape her stalker and it had cost her her life. Hannah was never the same and Cas was surprised she hadn’t followed Anael in death.

“It doesn’t matter Cas. Sam would never talk to me. It’s been too long and I’m sure he despises me. I was an absolute dick to him the last time we talked to each other,” Dean replied downtrodden.

“It’s never too late Dean. You just have to have the courage to take the first step,” Cas encouraged, a small smile on his face.

Dean shrugged but didn’t comment otherwise. He finished his burger and pulled out some money and dropped it on the table. He stood up and walked outside with Cas following behind him. Dean stood on the sidewalk, stoically looking at the road in front of him.

“Thank you for inviting me to lunch Dean. I enjoyed having someone to talk to even if the conversation was a little heavy. I do hope you will consider my suggestion,” Cas said simply.

“Yeah, thanks for joining me. Where are you going now?”

“I don’t know. I have enjoyed drifting on my own, but the novelty is wearing off. I would like to settle down again, but I can’t do it on my own,” Cas replied as he stared at the ground.

Dean rubbed at the back of his neck nervously. Cas couldn’t help but open his mind to hear Dean’s thoughts. He used a little grace to push Dean towards the offer he was considering.

“Hey, look Cas, this is way out of character for me, but would you like to stay with me for a little bit? I mean, I’m getting evicted at the end of the month but maybe it would be enough time for you to get stuff figured out,” Dean suggested.

A large grin spread across Cas’ face. “I would like that very much but only if you’re sure Dean. I wouldn’t want to impose.”

“Uh, no, not imposing at all,” Dean said, a blush starting to stain his cheeks.

“Well then, I would be glad to take you up on your offer. I might also be able to help with the eviction problem.”

Dean’s head shot up; his eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?”

Cas shoved his hands into his coat pockets. “Well, like I said, I emptied my bank accounts and I haven’t used very much of it since I left home. I have a few thousand dollars of it still and I would be more than willing to pay for the month’s rent you’re behind on.”

Dean’s mouth dropped open. “Dude, you can’t walk around with that kind of money! What if it got stolen or something?”

“I assure you; nobody is going to be able to steal from me,” Cas deadpanned.

Dean shook his head, “Cas, you’re a crazy guy, you know that? I could use the help with rent, but I don’t want to take your money and then you leave or something. I can’t afford to pay you back.”

Cas clasped Dean’s shoulder. “I assure you I won’t leave before the month is up. Please, let me pay for the rent.”

He watched as Dean struggled to accept the offer. He was a proud man and asking and accepting help didn’t come easy to him even if he desperately needed it. Cas once again used a little of his grace into making Dean accept the offer.

“Alright, if you’re sure about paying the rent then who am I to say no? Be warned though, my place is kind of a mess right now,” Dean warned with a sigh.

Cas quirked his lips up, “Having a place to stay is more important than if that place is a little dirty. I can help you get it cleaned up.”

“It’s not just that it’s a mess. It needs some repairs, but my landlord refuses to fix them until I get caught up on the rent. I can’t even complain because why should he pay to fix them when I haven’t even paid him,” Dean replied with a frown as he started walking down the street.

“Dean, it really is alright. Like I said, we can get it fixed up together. I haven’t had any kind of shelter over my head for a while so anything is better than nothing at this point. I just appreciate the kind offer,” Cas said as he hurried to catch up with Dean.

He watched as Dean checked the watch on his wrist. He came to a stop and Cas wasn’t able to stop in time from running into him. He grabbed onto Dean’s shoulder to keep from falling.

“I guess you were right, and I should watch where I’m going,” he joked.

Dean turned around to look at him, a grin on his face. “Yeah, I told you so. Look, I didn’t realize how late it was. I have to be back at that garage at five and it’s already four-thirty. Maybe we could just walk around or something. I really can’t afford to be late to the garage. Rufus made a deal with me so that I can get my car fixed.”

“Dean,” Cas said softly, trying to get the man’s attention. “It’s fine. We can do whatever you want. I have to be somewhere at five as well. It’s not very far from here so we can still spend some time together.”

“Ok, cool.”

They spent the next twenty minutes walking around, not really caring where they went. When it was ten to five, they both headed off. Cas said he would meet Dean at the garage when he finished with his business.

Cas watched as Dean walked off before spreading his wings and flying to Charlie’s. At exactly five, he knocked on her door. She opened it a few moments later, a large smile on her face.

“Hey Castiel. You showed back up, that’s awesome. I would have been pissed had I done all this work and you stood me up. C’mon inside,” she stepped to the side and gestured for him to walk through the door.

Cas followed her inside, glancing around the small apartment. Everywhere he looked, he saw computers, printers, and other tech related items. He had known Charlie was a technological genius but even he was blown away by what he was seeing. Thank his luck that he knew the angel guarding over Charlie or he wouldn’t have known how to get the documents he required.

They came to a stop beside a large desk piled high with papers, cards, and a dozen other things Cas couldn’t name. He watched as Charlie flipped through them before pulling out a manilla packet with his name on it. She opened it and pulled out the paperwork he had asked for. She handed it over for him to check.

“I hope everything is to your approval. If you want me to change anything I can. I haven’t made it public yet in case you did want to change something,” Charlie explained.

“No, everything is fine. You can publish this. Thank you very much. Here is the money I owed you,” he said as he set the papers down and pulled out the cash he owed her.

She quickly counted it and then stuffed it into her pocket. She walked over to her computer and pressed a button. She looked back at him. “There you go, your new life is now public. Anybody who searches for you will come up with that backstory.”

“As I said, thank you for all this. I really appreciate it,” Cas said as he put his new documents in his wallet.

“Hey, I had a service and you were willing to pay for it. I just hope it was up to your expectations,” Charlie said as she headed back to the door to her apartment.

“It was,” Cas replied simply.

They said goodbye to one another before Cas left and was on his way back to Dean. He flew back until he was a ten-minute walk away. When he walked into the parking lot of the garage, he found Dean still cleaning up.

“Hello Dean. Is there anything I can help with?”

Dean wiped the sweat off his forehead. “Nah, I’m almost done and then we can head back to my place.”

It took him another fifteen minutes before he was finally finished. He locked everything up and stored the keys where Rufus had told him to before walking out to Cas. He stood up from the bench he was seated on when he saw Dean approaching. Together they headed home, each man lost in his own thoughts.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean start working on getting Dean's apartment cleaned up while Cas tries to convince Dean that he is worth the effort Cas is willing to put into their new relationship. Cas manages to come up with a way for Dean to be able to afford all the repairs his run-down apartment will need.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a new chapter! I'm so sorry it took so long but I got caught up writing fics for two bangs I'm participating in and I don't multitask fic writing very well apparently. I promise the next chapter won't take as long to be posted. Hope you guys enjoy this chapter.

A little bit later they arrived at Dean’s shitty apartment. He was embarrassed to show Cas where he lived but like Cas had said, a roof over his head was better than nothing. They climbed up the stairs until coming to Dean’s apartment. Dean stopped when he got to the door, reaching inside his pocket for the keys but paused.

He sighed and turned around to face Cas. “Look Cas, I know I warned you, but I don’t think you understand just how bad my apartment is.”

“Dean, I have already told you, it will not bother me. We can clean it up together.” Cas flashed him a reassuring smile.

He pulled his keys out and unlocked the door, letting Cas enter before him. He shut the door and then turned to face his companion. He was surprised that Cas didn’t seem more shocked as he walked further into the apartment.

Cas of course had already known what Dean’s apartment looked like. He knew about the clothes and beer bottles that were strewn about the apartment by the dozens. He had seen the peeling walls, sink full of dishes, and broken-down furniture hundreds of time. He knew what worked in Dean’s apartment and what didn’t and the latter far outweighed the former.

He glanced at Dean who was still standing by the door. His whole body screamed defeat and embarrassment from the drooping shoulders to the downcast eyes. “Dean, it really isn’t that bad.”

“Hah,” he scoffed. “Cas, I know you’ve been on the street for a while but open your eyes and look around. The place is a fucking dump and it’s all my fault. Like I told you, my life is shit and it’s a miracle I’m not buried six feet under somewhere.”

Cas crossed the room and grabbed Dean’s arm, forcing the man to look up. Fury burned in the swirling ocean depths that Dean caught himself in. “How dare you say such a thing! You are worth something Dean Winchester. I didn’t give up my gra… great drifting lifestyle just to hear you keep moping around.”

Dean shoved the man off him, glaring at him as he stumbled backwards. “Then go back to drifting Castiel! Nobody says you gotta stay here.” He looked away before glancing back at Cas, shaking his head. “I’m a lost cause so just forget about me.”

Cas’s head tilted and his eyes scrunched up as he looked at Dean. In an almost disbelieving voice, he uttered, “You don’t think you deserve to be saved.”

“I know I don’t. At this point in my life, I’ve fucked too much up to be worth saving.” There was no fight in Dean’s words. He truly believed what he was saying.

Cas felt his wings droop in sadness as he stared at the man. Dean was worse than even he had realized. He didn’t care if he lost his grace and his wings. He didn’t care that in a few months he would die and cease to exist. His last mission would be to make sure Dean Winchester had a life worth living for.

“Well, then I guess before I leave, I will just have to make you see how wrong you are.” Cas’ voice left no room for argument.

Dean huffed. “Whatever man. Your time wasted.”

Cas looked around the apartment and came to a decision. “Well, first things first, let’s start getting this place cleaned up. We can work on fixing things once we have a tidier workspace.”

“Ok, yeah. What do you want me to clean?”

“I’ll start picking up the bottles. Why don’t you gather all the clothes up,” Cas directed.

Dean didn’t argue as he started picking up his clothes that were thrown haphazardly around the living room. Cas had grabbed a garbage bag from the kitchen and was working on picking up the dozens of beer bottles that decorated the small living area. Once Dean had an armful of laundry, he dumped it an empty basket deciding he would go and wash his clothes the following day.

When they were done with the living room, they cleaned out Dean’s bedroom and the single bathroom. They ended in the kitchen. When the last item of clothing had been picked up, there were three laundry baskets piled high with dirty clothes. Cas had picked up enough bottles to fill two large trash bags.

Both men collapsed at the small kitchen table. “You want anything to drink,” Dean offered.

Cas smirked as he replied, “Do you have anything besides beer to drink?”

“Uh… no. Not really.” Dean let out a humorless chuckle.

“I think we need to work on curbing your drinking.” Castiel waited to see how Dean would react to the suggestion.

Dean cast a sideway glance to the man sitting across from him. “Easier said than done buddy. Besides coffee, I’m not sure I’ve drunk anything else in years. Pretty sure my body thinks beer is water at this point.”

“I’m not suggesting cold turkey Dean. We limit your intake and lower it with every week until we can get you off it completely. I have no desire to cause you withdrawal problems.” Cas was ready for an argument from Dean as he sat there looking at him.

Dean took a deep breath before slowly releasing it. “Yeah, let’s try that.”

“That’s it? No screaming or shouting,” Cas questioned surprised.

Dean shrugged his shoulders. “What can I say, I’m tired of fighting Cas. I’m at the bottom of the barrel, I’d like to try and get out of it. Apparently, you’re crazy enough to attempt to do that. At this point, I’ll listen to whatever you say.”

“Ok then. That was easier than I thought.” Cas stood up and walked to the sink. Both sides were piled high with dishes. He started setting them on the counter so that he could fill the sink with soap and water.

Dean walked over to him. “Cas, you don’t have to do that.”

“It’s alright Dean. How about you fix something for dinner while I get these cleaned up,” he asked with a small smile.

Dean opened his freezer, trying to find something to cook for the two of them. It was slim pickings as it had been weeks since he went shopping choosing to sate his hunger with alcohol rather than food. He pulled out a bag of frozen chicken nuggets and a bag of French fries. He held them up to Cas who just nodded. Dean turned the oven on and then poured enough chicken and fries on a metal pan for the both of them.

With nothing else to do, he sauntered over next to Cas and rinsed while the other man washed. When the oven went off, alerting them that it was pre-heated, Dean put the pan full of food inside. With the dishes washed, and dinner cooking, they had nothing else to do.

“I saw that the bedroom needs to be cleaned up further than just picking up dirty clothes and beer bottles. The bathroom is desperate for attention. Which one do you want to take,” Cas asked.

“I guess I’ll take the bathroom. The hallway closet should have everything you need. If it doesn’t just ask me,” Dean replied.

Cas rewarded him with a small smile. “Thank you, Dean. I’ll keep an eye on the food while we clean.”

The two men headed to their respected rooms with serious thoughts on their minds. Dean couldn’t believe his luck. For the past ten years, if it hadn’t been for bad luck, Dean would have had no luck at all. Now, out of the blue, a stranger in a trench coat had walked into his life and was offering him a silver platter. Cas was willing to help get Dean’s life back on track and he wanted desperately to do so. Cas must be an angel sent from Heaven. 

As Cas changed the sheets on the bed, his mind was consumed with thoughts of what had transpired this day. He had chosen to walk the path that would lead to him Falling and surprisingly, he didn’t miss Heaven. He had always been more at home walking amongst the humans than he had with his own kind. He also knew that he needed to focus on Dean and not himself. Healing Dean would be no easy feat and there were multiple issues in his life that needed to be dealt with.

After the sheets had been changed and everything wiped down of the layer of dust that had collected, Cas checked on dinner. The food still needed to cook for a few minutes. He busied himself by setting the table. He put two plates and a bottle of ketchup out. Like Dean had said, the only drink in the fridge was beer. Cas knew that was the first problem that had needed to be addressed and he was glad Dean had been willing to go along with his plan. Many of Dean’s problems stemmed from his alcohol addiction. He grabbed two cups out the cabinet and filled them with water before setting them on the table.

By now, the food was able to be pulled from the oven and Cas set the hot pan on the stove before heading off to get Dean. He found the man crumpled on the floor staring at the wall, a look of resignation on his face. Cas hurried to his side.

“Dean, what happened,” he asked, voice full of concern.

Dean looked up at him with dull eyes, “I can’t do this Cas. My life is so fucked up, how could you ever hope to fix all my problems. I’m addicted to beer and can’t go more than a day without getting drunk. I can’t keep a job and the only reason I won’t be evicted in two weeks is because a total stranger is willing to pay my overdue rent. Not to mention, I’ve pretty much run all my friends away and my car broke down and this apartment is in shambles.”

Cas laid a hand on Dean’s shoulder waiting to see if he would shrug it off. When he didn’t, Cas lowered himself to the floor and then wrapped an arm around Dean’s stiff shoulders. His heart ached for the broken man next to him.

Cas knew he had to be straightforward with the man. “Dean, it won’t be easy and there will be days where you will have setbacks. You can’t give up and I will be here with you through the whole journey. It will be a long journey and right now you are broken; you have cracks in your heart and soul that I intend on filling in. You have to tell me what is going through your head through this whole process or it will never work. You have to trust me that I will help you Dean.”

He looked up at Cas and the man showed nothing but absolute resolve. “It’s crazy but I do trust you Cas.”

“Good, let’s go eat.”

They split the food evenly between them. Dean scowled at the water but said nothing as he took a sip of it. He tried to apologize for the slim pickings, but Cas replied that it was more than he had eaten in a long time.

Cas did his best to eat a reasonable amount of the food so that he could say he was full. He couldn’t taste the food the way Dean could, instead he only tasted molecules and they didn’t taste very appetizing. When he felt he had consumed enough, he pushed the plate away.

Dean looked at him skeptically. “Dude, you’ve hardly eaten anything.”

“I guess I’m still full from lunch. I’ve never had a large appetite.” Cas lied.

“Well then, don’t mind if I do.” Dean reached across the table and dumped Cas’ uneaten food on his plate. That sat in silence as he finished the rest of the food.

Once both plates were empty, Cas washed and rinsed the dishes before setting them on the drying rack. Cas refilled Dean’s cup with water and set it back in front of him.

“Thanks. I would say we could go watch TV, but it’s been broken for days now. Not really much to do around here,” Dean said with a frown.

Cas looked around and took notice of things. “Why don’t we make a list of things that need to be fixed up and repaired. We each take a room and we will combine our lists when we are done.”

“Why not? Nothing else to do. I’ll take the living room and the bathroom. You fine with the kitchen and bedroom? I don’t really use the spare bedroom except for storage. We will have to clean it up for you to use once we are done with making our lists.” Dean got up and grabbed paper and pen as he talked.

“As long as the bed is available then we can worry about cleaning the room out tomorrow. Let’s get these lists done and go from there.” Cas picked up a couple pieces of paper and a pen before he started walking around the kitchen, writing things down as he went.

Dean heaved a sigh before grabbing his own paper and pen and heading off to the living room to start working on his own list. He felt despair start creeping back up as he wrote more and more things down. He had known there were lots of repairs needed but he hadn’t realized just how many there really were.

Just as he felt the anger start to bubble over, he felt a reassuring hand on his shoulder. He looked behind him to see Cas standing there, a small smile on his face. “I finished the list for the kitchen. How is everything going in here?”

Dean scrubbed at his face, exhaustion suddenly kicking in. “How could I ever let things get so bad Cas? I mean look at this list!” He held it for Cas to see. “It’s an entire page and I’m not even done writing everything down. How can we ever hope to get everything fixed up?”

Cas squeezed Dean’s shoulder. “We’ll get it fixed, don’t worry. Baby steps Dean. Focus on the small things instead of the larger picture. Splitting things into smaller chunks is much more manageable than trying to fix everything at once. You have a good list so why don’t we work on getting those things fixed? When that list is done, we can figure out what still needs to be done and go from there.”

Dean couldn’t repress the smile that spread across his face. “Thanks Cas. You know, you’re pretty wise for such a young age.”

“I’m not as young as you think Dean.”

“Psh, you’re what thirty-one, thirty-two at the most?”

Cas easily recalled the age on the driver’s license Charlie had made for him. “Thirty-three but you were very close.”

“See, you’re only three years older than me and I don’t sound nearly as smart as you do. You got a master’s degree or something,” Dean replied with a smirk.

Cas shook his head. “No, nothing of the sort. I never even went to college. I have done quite a bit of travelling in my time though. I had some very wealthy friends who always drug me with them. Otherwise, I’ve worked odd jobs here and there but nothing very grand I assure you.”

“I wish I could travel but that’s never gonna be in the cards for me. I’m just a grunt mechanic who barely managed to graduate high school. Sam was the smart one; he was the one that was gonna go far.” Dean was unable to keep the sorrow from leaking into his voice.

He shook his head and flashed Cas a pathetic excuse for a smile. “Anyways, why don’t I get to the bathroom and make a list for in there? You get the bedroom done and we’ll meet back here in, say…ten minutes?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Cas commented.

As Cas headed to the bathroom, the weight of his task seemed to be getting heavier with every second. Even though he watched over Dean from the moment he was born, it was obvious there were things he still didn’t know. At least, not as well as he thought. Dean’s apartment had far more things to fix than he had known about and Dean himself was in need of more help than he had previously thought.

He glanced at the wings behind him that Dean couldn’t see. Already, they shone slightly less bright than they had yesterday. He tried not to worry about if his time would run out before his mission to help Dean was completed. He would just have to monitor the use of his grace carefully to ensure it lasted it as long as possible.

He shook himself from his melancholy thoughts and quickly completed his list before joining Dean back in the living room. They combined their lists. The kitchen and living room needed the most attention. There were some things that were on all the lists such as peeling wallpaper and stained carpet. Some things were extremely minor such as a missing handle on a drawer that would be easy fixes. Other tasks would require a lot more work such as the broken dishwasher and the cracked tiles in the kitchen.

Dean fell onto the couch. “Cas, there’s no way I have the money to afford to fix half of these things. Benny, the landlord, already said he won’t fix anything until the rent is caught up and I keep the payments steady for at least six months.”

Cas dropped the lists onto the rickety coffee table and sat next to the distraught man. “We will think of something tomorrow. It’s late and you are tired; maybe you should head to bed.”

Dean’s body betrayed him as a long yawn escaped him. “Yeah, I guess I am pretty tired. I’m sure you are too. Let’s see about getting the spare room set up for you and we both can catch some Z’s.”

The truth was Cas didn’t even feel a tinge of tiredness. He had fought in wars before and had watched over humanity for thousands of years. A few household chores took about as much energy as Dean would use to snap his fingers. He knew he needed to keep up the charade of being human, so he followed Dean into the spare room without argument.

They took a few minutes to clean the bed of boxes and put fresh sheets on it. Dean told Cas he could set up his toothbrush and other toiletries in the bathroom if he wanted. Cas said he would worry about it tomorrow and wished Dean goodnight. Dean gave a small wave as he locked himself in his own room.

When he could hear Dean’s even breathing, Cas snuck out the apartment. He chose to walk to the convenience store on the corner. It was a short walk and it gave Cas time to collect his thoughts. He was trying to come up with ways to start fixing Dean’s apartment and spend the least amount of money in the process.

By the time he walked through the door of the mini mart, he hadn’t come up with a solution. He grabbed a basket and headed to the personal care section. He had only been concerned with getting clothes earlier and had forgotten about other items such as a toothbrush. He had never had to worry about personal hygiene as an angel.

He filled the basket quickly, dropping a pack of toothbrushes, toothpaste, razors, a comb, shaving cream, and other necessities in it. Once he was done with his shopping, he headed to the counter to pay for his purchases. He pulled out the required amount of money and paid and then walked out the store.

He glanced to the side and saw a bulletin board littered with advertisements. One caught his eye. It was for the apartment complex that Dean and now Cas called home. He read it over, an idea forming in his mind. He folded the paper up and shoved it in the pocket of his trench coat as he headed home.

He dropped his purchases in his room and walked into the kitchen. He looked at the clock and saw only an hour had passed since Dean had gone to sleep. He didn’t need sleep and resigned himself to waiting by himself until Dean woke up.

He was startled when another person suddenly appeared in the kitchen. Castiel glared at the angel standing in front of him. “What do you want Michael?”

“Is that a proper greeting for your superior Castiel?”

“You’re hardly my superior anymore Michael. I am Falling,” Cas replied with a growl.

Michael smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Yes, but you’re still an angel so I am still your superior.”

“I repeat, what do you want?”

“I just wanted to see if you regretted your decision Castiel.” He looked around him with disdain. “I can’t fathom why you would give everything up for this mud monkey. I mean honestly, Castiel, look at this place. It’s in shambles. You gave up the greatness of Heaven for this?”

Cas stood to his full height, his wings stretching to their full length. They easily passed through the objects in Dean’s kitchen, but Michael would be able to see the threat. “I did what I had to do. As you said, I have never failed with any of my charges and I refuse to fail with this one. Dean deserves a chance. If my life is the price that needs to be paid, then so be it.”

Michael scoffed at the declaration. “And here I was going to offer you a chance back into Heaven, to pull you from your Falling. I see that my offer will be rejected.”

“Leave me Michael. We have no use for each other any longer. Go back and rule Heaven and leave me here… to my fate.”

“You know your fate Castiel,” he spat. “You have nobody to blame but yourself. You were one of the best that Heaven has ever seen, and you gave it up for… for love. You are as human as the people you watch over.”

Michael was gone in the blink of an eye. Cas sat with a sigh as he buried his face in his hands. Michael was right, he had fallen in love with Dean. It was impossible not to. There were so many qualities about the man that Castiel admired. Dean was compassionate, loyal, smart, protective, and so much more. Cas wasn’t blind to his bad traits either. He knew Dean was as stubborn as an ox, drank too much, and had a nasty temper. Above all, Dean’s soul is what attracted Cas the most. It shone brighter than a neutron star collapsing in on itself.

When the sun rose, Cas decided to go fetch breakfast for Dean. He went back to the diner they had visited yesterday. He ordered the Grand Slam breakfast which had all of Dean’s favorites: fried eggs, bacon, sausage, pancakes, and hash browns. He ordered two large black coffees, Dean’s preferred way, and made sure there was lots of syrup, salt, and pepper in the takeout bag.

He had just set the food on the table when he heard Dean stirring. He listened as Dean groaned at entering consciousness before getting out of bed and going to relieve himself in the bathroom. After a quick handwash, he walked into the kitchen with a scowl on his face.

The scowl quickly turned to surprise at seeing the bag full of food on the table. “When’d you go get this?” His words were still a little slurred. Dean was never fully awake until he had at least a cup of coffee flowing through his body.

“I woke up early and decided to go get breakfast. I figured you would like some as well.” Cas scooted the bag closer to Dean.

“Wow, thanks buddy. You know you didn’t have to do this though. I don’t usually eat breakfast,” he replied as he eagerly pulled out the container full of food.

“I know…I uh, I mean, I assumed based off the food that was in your fridge,” Cas said quickly to cover his mistake.

Dean was too consumed with his breakfast to notice Cas’ slip up. “Yeah, I haven’t really went grocery shopping in a while. Don’t really have the money for it.”

“Maybe if you didn’t spend so much on beer, you could afford food,” Cas said gruffly.

“Yeah, maybe,” Dean shot back.

“It does seem to be your worst problem Dean. Your addiction to alcohol is affecting all other aspects of your life. I believe if we can deal with that problem, then we can fix a lot of your other problems,” Castiel explained.

Dean finished the food in his mouth slowly. He took another bite and chewed just as slow. Finally, “Look Cas. I never wanted to be like that, like this. My father was an alcoholic and he used the bottle to deal with his problems. Like father, like son, I guess. I used to drink maybe one or two bottles a day. Then problem after problem piled up and getting drunk was the only thing that helped.”

“Getting drunk doesn’t solve the problem Dean.”

“You don’t think I don’t know that,” Dean shouted. “Hell, I’d wake up with a hangover and the problems were still there, but I didn’t want to deal with them. If I got drunk, I didn’t have to. So, two beers a day turned into three into four, five, six. I’m pretty much drunk all the time now. I think this is the longest I’ve gone without having a drink and I can already feel the shakes coming on.” Dean held his hand up for Cas to see.

Cas stared at the trembling appendage. “I want to come up with a schedule for your drinking. You said you drink six beers a day? Why don’t we reduce that to five a day for this week and then next we will go down to four and so on.”

“You’re really serious about this aren’t you? Why? Why do you care about some stranger you met on the street,” Dean asked, his eyes wide with confusion.

“Because I know you Dean.” Cas was considering using his grace to quell Dean’s suspicions.

“Cas, we never met before yesterday, right?”

“That is technically correct. I know you because I was you Dean. I hit some hard times and I had to fight to overcome them. If I can do it, so can you,” Cas assured the man.

Castiel may have never dealt with addiction but he had been held prisoner by demons for hundreds of years. It had taken all of his resolve to not give up hope and keep fighting against his captors. He had had many low moments where he had begged for death, fearing he would never see Heaven again. He had wanted to die rather than face torture one more time. It was his persistence that finally allowed him to escape his captors and return to his home in Heaven. When he finally healed, he had resigned from the army and chose to become a guardian angel. He had never regretted his decision.

“You really think I can do this?” Dean looked so small as he sat there staring at Cas with a gleam of hope in his eyes.

Cas settled his hand over Dean’s. “I know you can. Like I said, I’ll be here with you every step of the way.”

Dean gave a sharp nod of his head as he dug into the rest of his breakfast. After he was finished, he threw the bag and empty container in the garbage. He drunk the rest of his first coffee and started on the second. “Well, what’s on the agenda for today Cas?”

“How about we come up with your drinking schedule first?”

Dean groaned but agreed. After nearly fifteen minutes of arguing back and forth, they finally had a schedule they both agreed with. Dean would only be able to drink between ten in the morning and ten at night. He would be able to drink one beer every two hours and he could only have five beers a day.

“You can do this Dean.”

Dean sighed but nodded his head. “Now what?”

Cas pulled the advertisement paper from his pocket that he had snatched off the bulletin board and showed it to Dean. “I think this may help to solve a problem or two.”

Dean read over the advertisement before letting it drop to the table. “Benny is looking for a repairman for the apartment complex; what does that have to do with me?”

“What if you became the repairman? I know you typically work as a mechanic and I realize working on cars is much different than being a repairmen but you said yesterday you used to fix stuff in your apartment when your dad was away.” Cas knew Dean could fix most of the problems in his apartment himself if only he had the money and the supplies. He continued speaking, explaining the second half of his plan. “As I said, I have a few thousand dollars which would be enough to hold us over for a bit. What if you agreed to work as the repairman in exchange for Benny providing you the supplies to fix the apartment yourself?”

Dean sat back impressed. “Wow, that is an awesome idea actually. Not sure if he will go for it but it never hurts to ask. I got nothing to lose at this point. What about you?”

Cas tilted his head in confusion. “What about me?”

“What are you gonna do for a job?”

“Oh, um, maybe I could help you? I don’t have much experience but I’m a fast learner. I can go look for a job if you don’t want my help though.”

“No, I’d like it if you were my partner. It means we could get through with the repairs faster.” Dean stood up and stretched. “Alright, first things first, let’s go get the laundry going. I’m gonna go get my teeth brushed and then you can have the bathroom afterwards while I get dressed. Throw your clothes into one of the baskets and we’ll get them washed along with mine.”

Cas just nodded at Dean’s instructions. He headed to his room to get changed. He had just dropped the dirty clothes in the basket when he heard Dean walk out the bathroom into his bedroom.

“Bathroom is all yours Cas. Give me five minutes and I’ll be ready to head down to the laundry room,” Dean called.

Cas walked into the bathroom. Normally he would use his grace to keep his hygiene up, but he needed to conserve his failing grace as much as possible. For the first time in his existence, Cas brushed his teeth and shaved his incoming facial hair. He only nicked his face three times and felt irritation at the small cuts. He wanted to heal them, but they weren’t worth his grace.

He jumped when there was a knock on the door. “Cas, buddy, you ready?”

Castiel opened the door. “Yes Dean. Let’s go.”

Dean grabbed some laundry detergent from the hall closet and then they each picked up a laundry basket and headed downstairs. The baskets were piled so high that it took four washers to fit all the clothes in. They walked to Benny’s office once the washers were loaded and running.

Dean knocked on the door. “Come in,” a voice hollered.

The door swung open as Cas and Dean walked inside. Benny looked up at them and smiled. “Hey Dean, what can I do for you?”

“I… I… uh,” Dean stammered.

Cas stepped forward with his hand outstretched. “Castiel Novak. It’s good to meet you Benny, I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Benny stood to his feet and shook his hand, eying Cas with caution. “Nice to meet you and I hope it was all good things brother.”

“Rest assured it was. What Dean is trying to tell you is he wanted to pay the month’s rent and also has a proposition for you.” Cas pulled his wallet out and counted out the money Dean owed his landlord and passed it over.

Benny took the money and counted it quickly before eyeing the men in front of him. “Thank you. Castiel, what is your relationship with Dean?”

“I’m an old friend from high school. I was recently kicked out of my apartment by my ex-boyfriend and he offered to let me stay with him. I offered to help him with the rent.” Cas was almost proud at how easily the lie slipped off his tongue.

“Ok. What is this proposition you got,” Benny asked as he took a seat. He motioned to the chairs.

Dean and Cas took the offered seats. “Well, I found an advertisement saying you were looking for a repairman for the apartment complex. I know Dean’s apartment is in desperate need of repair, but you refuse to fix it.”

Benny started to say something but Castiel held his hand up. Benny glared at the man but remained silent. “I understand why you won’t fix the apartment. Dean hasn’t exactly earned that privilege with all the late payments he’s had. So, my proposition is that Dean and I become your new repairmen in exchange for you giving Dean the tools and supplies he would need to fix his own apartment. You could give us a proposed salary and then Dean and I could come up with a projected cost of repairs for the apartment. If Dean and I require less funds than what you would pay us, then you could give us the difference in cash.”

Dean and Benny both stared at Cas with wide eyes and open mouths. “What,” he asked utterly confused as to why they were looking at him that way.

“Dude, did you like practice that speech or something? I mean, you didn’t stutter or anything,” Dean spoke up.

“Um, no I didn’t practice it. I have just always been good at public speaking I guess.”

It wasn’t a lie. Castiel had been a commander of his own garrison when he fought in the wars against demons. That meant he had to be able to rouse his troops and give out orders clearly and precisely. He had long since got over his awkwardness at having to talk to people.

“Well, if Dean had tried to tell me all that, we would have been here for another half hour. I do appreciate you being straightforward with me. But I am hesitant to take you up on the offer,” Benny said with a frown.

“Why is that,” Castiel asked.

Benny sighed. “Dean, I mean this with no disrespect, but you haven’t done a lot lately to earn my trust. You’ve been late with the rent for months now, you haven’t had a steady job in longer, you’ve become an alcoholic, you…”

“I know Benny and I’m sorry. I don’t have an excuse but I’m gonna try and change all of that. Cas is, he’s gonna help me. Hell, he already put me on a schedule with my drinking,” Dean said with a scowl.

Benny looked at Cas. “A schedule? Shouldn’t you be trying to get him to quit?”

“That is the goal but having him quit cold turkey would not be beneficial to him either. It is easier to wean him off because then he won’t have to worry about withdrawals and such,” Cas explained.

“You seem to be pretty knowledgeable about this,” Benny remarked.

“I had to help a friend come back from his own addiction so yes I have experience with such things.” Cas frowned as he thought about the months it took to heal Gabriel of his addiction to drugs.

Gabriel was one of the four archangels. He had never been able to handle the fallout of his two elder archangel brothers: Michael and Lucifer. Lucifer causing the Fall of humanity had created a great rift between him and the rest of angel kind. Gabriel hadn’t handled Lucifer being condemned to Hell and like Dean, had sought a way to make his problems go away. For an angel to get drunk or addicted to drugs meant they had to consume an extremely large amount compared to humans. Gabriel’s drug of choice had been cocaine and he had been consuming over ten grams per day of the stuff.

“Cas, you ok,” Dean said bringing him out of his thoughts.

“Yes, sorry. I was thinking about something.” He flashed both men an apologetic smile.

“Look Castiel, the truth is Dean is not capable of beating his addiction on his own. I understand you want to help Dean but what if you disappear tomorrow? I will be right back here without a repairman because Dean will have nobody to keep him on this path he is trying to walk down.” Benny crossed his hands on his desk and stared at Castiel.

Castiel felt anger flash through him and his wings arced up high above his head. “You’re not much of a friend to Dean. You sit here and say if I were to leave, Dean would have nobody to support him. What about yourself Benny; are you not his friend? Do you not care about him? Regardless, I am not leaving anytime soon. I will be here tomorrow and the day after that and I will continue to be here for Dean until his life is back on track. Maybe the reason it has gotten so bad for him is because he had nobody to support him in the first place,” Castiel growled at the man sitting across from him.

“Cas,” Dean barked. “Benny, I am so sorry for him. I don’t know…”

“He’s right,” Benny interjected.

“What?”

“He’s right. You are more than just a tenant Dean; you’ve been a friend for years and I haven’t been there for you. I knew you were upset after Sam left but I thought I just needed to give you some space. By the time I realized how wrong I was, I didn’t know what to do to help you. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Benny dropped his head in shame at his confession.

“Benny, it’s ok. I didn’t know how to help myself so how could I expect you to help me? Look, I know things have been rough but Benny, I need help. I need a job and I need to get my life back in order. I need to fix my apartment up and I need to get my addiction under control. You don’t owe me anything, but I would sure as hell appreciate it if you would help a brother out.” Dean was begging at this point, his eyes pleading with Benny.

Benny scrubbed at his face and sighed before replying, “I’ll have a list of apartments that need repairs and what those repairs are. You work one week straight showing me you’re serious about this and that you’re serious about getting back on track and I will start giving you the supplies and materials needed to start fixing up your apartment. We got a deal?”

Benny held his hand out. Dean could have sobbed with relief as he reached across the desk to shake hands with him. “Thank you, Benny. I promise, I won’t let you down.” He glanced at Cas. “Cas’ won’t let me let you down.”

“No, I won’t.”

“I’m counting on it. I’m counting on both of you. Now, get out of here. I got paperwork to do,” Benny said with a chuckle.

Once they were back in the apartment, Castiel was surprised when Dean pulled him into a hug. He had only been hugged a few times in his life by Gabe and it was an odd feeling to say the least.

“Uh, Cas, this is where you hug me back buddy.”

Cas quickly wrapped his arms around Dean. “My apologies. I’m not used to lots of casual touching. My parents were extremely formal and besides handshakes, we don’t have much skin to skin contact.”

Dean instantly pulled away. “I’m sorry man. I’m a tactile person. I’m always touching in small ways like on the shoulder, but I will try and retain from doing so if it makes you uncomfortable.”

It was Castiel who initiated the hug this time. “Please don’t stop on my account. With you, I find it enjoyable.”

“Ok buddy, I’m glad I can make touching you enjoyable.” A blush rose on Dean’s cheeks at his words. He pulled away from Cas, stuttering, “I’m so.. sorry. I did.. didn’t mean it like that.”

“It’s ok Dean, I know.” He noticed Dean’s hands were shaking where he held them by his side. He looked at his watch; it was nearly eleven. He walked to the kitchen and grabbed a beer and brought it back to Dean. “Here, it’s past ten and your hands are starting to shake badly.”

Dean took the bottle, but he glared at it with hate. “What if I tried to hold off longer?”

“Drink Dean. Don’t punish yourself anymore. Drink until the shakes subside and then throw the rest away if you want,” Cas replied, trying to compromise.

Dean popped the lid and took a long sip. He chugged half the bottle before tearing his lips from the rim. He thrust the bottle in Cas’ hands.

“Dean,” Cas warned.

“No, I’ve had enough. Pour it down the sink…please.” Dean’s voice broke on the last word.

Cas nodded and headed back to the kitchen to dump the rest of the beer. Dean walked into the kitchen once he heard the bottle being dropped in the garbage. He headed to the fridge and growled.

“What is wrong Dean?”

“I have nothing to eat unless you want chicken nuggets again,” the man complained.

“Why don’t we go grocery shopping then? We just have to make sure you make it to Rufus’ garage by five. That gives us plenty of time to go shopping and bring whatever we buy back here.” Cas grabbed a notepad and pen.

“Cas, don’t forget, I don’t have my car so we will have to carry whatever we buy, and the closest grocery store is a fifteen-minute walk from here. What’s the notepad for,” Dean asked as he took a seat.

“We need to prioritize our shopping. Food is important but there are other important necessities such as toilet paper and shampoo. Why don’t we see how much of that kind of stuff we have and then we will worry about food,” Castiel explained.

Dean shook his head in disbelief. “Still don’t know how you’re so smart buddy. It’s like you’ve got the wisdom of some person who’s hundreds of years old.” He laughed as he headed off to go do what Cas asked.

Cas followed him and wrote down what Dean said they were in short supply of. Once that part of the list was done, they wrote down what food they wanted to get. Cas made sure to put as many long-lasting staples on the list as possible. Soup and sandwiches would become a common meal for the next few weeks. At least until Dean found a steady income. After the list was complete, they grabbed their wallets and headed out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I have no idea how accurate Cas' plan to handle Dean's alcohol addiction is but hopefully it isn't too far-fetched or impossible.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our boys get their grocery trip out the way. Cas makes more lists for apartment repairs. They start their job as repairmen for Benny. And, they end up spilling a bucket of paint on themselves. Of course, they have to act like children when that happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here is the next chapter! Wait until you get to the end and see the newest work of art for this piece by the talented notwithd!  
> Also, I now have a beta so thank you to lonewolf34500 for your awesome beta skills!  
> Without further ado, hope you guys enjoy!

On the way down the stairs, Dean and Cas ran into Benny who was walking out his office.

“Hey guys, were you headed,” he asked in his thick Cajun accent.

“Making a couple runs to the grocery store before I have to be at Rufus’ garage,” Dean answered.

“What are you doing at the garage?” Benny finished locking his office before turning to face them fully.

“Baby broke down the other day and I don’t have the money to pay to have her fixed. Rufus made a deal with me that if I show up at his garage and pick up for his guys so they can go home early, he’ll let me use his place to fix her up myself.” Dean rubbed at the back of his neck and kept his eyes lowered, embarrassed at the truth.

“How much shopping do you need to do?”

“We have a prioritized list of what we need. The things we need the most we will get first and bring those back and then go back to the store to pick up the next round of groceries. We just have to make sure Dean gets to the garage by five. We hope to get at least two trips to the store taken care of before Dean has to be at the garage,” Cas explained easily.

Benny snorted. “You really are serious about getting Dean back on track ain’t ya brotha’? Well, here.” He held out a set of car keys. “Why don’t you use my truck that way you don’t have to make multiple trips to the store. Save you some time.”

“Benny, you don’t have to do that,” Dean tried to argue.

“Yeah I know but I want to. I’m only gonna offer one more time.” He shook the keys.

Cas reached out and grabbed them. “Thank you, it will be nice to take care of the shopping in one trip. We promise to take care of your truck. Is there anything you need from the store?”

“Actually, you know what? I’ll give you guys a list of stuff to get and I’ll make some homemade Jambalaya and cornbread for dinner and you two come get  yourselves  some after Dean gets back from the garage.” Benny unlocked his office door and headed back inside before either man could say anything. He came back out a few minutes later and handed Cas a sheet of paper and some money. “Just bring it all on up to my apartment when you guys get back.”

They watched as he headed upstairs before making their way out to the parking lot and to Benny’s truck. “So, are you driving or me,” Dean asked.

Cas thought about some of his late-night excursions as Dean’s guardian angel. He had taken a few vehicles for joy rides while Dean had been sleeping. The first few times he had to use his grace to repair the damage he had caused but over time he became quite a good driver. “It doesn’t matter to me who drives.”

“Here, toss me the keys then. That way I get to pick the music. Who knows what your taste in tunes might be,” Dean said with a smirk as he caught the keys Cas tossed to him.

Once they were both settled in the truck, Dean turned it on. He frowned as some country song blared over the radio. “Ugh, Benny seriously has no taste in music. Classic rock is where it’s at man.”

After they were successfully on the road to the store, Cas spoke up. “How come you get to pick the music just because you’re driving?”

“House rules Cas, driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his piehole,” Dean answered, his face lit up with a smile.

Cas didn’t seem too impressed. “Uh huh. I guess it is a good thing that I am a fan of classic rock myself.”

Traffic was unusually heavy, so it took them ten minutes to get to the store and they spent that time discussing their favorite bands and songs. They walked inside and decided to get a quick lunch from the Subway located there. Dean ended up getting food, Cas said he was still full from breakfast and wasn’t hungry. Once Dean finished eating, he grabbed a cart while Cas pulled out the two lists. Dean was surprised when Cas grabbed a cart of his own.

“Why are you grabbing another cart?”

“I figured we could put our purchases in one and Benny’s in another that way we don’t worry about getting them mixed up.” Cas answered the question as if it were obvious.

“Hm, yeah, I guess that makes sense. Alright, where to first?”

Cas looked the list over. “Why don’t we get all the household supplies first and then we will head to the food section?”

Dean nodded. “Sounds like a plan. We’ll use my cart for our stuff, and you can put Benny’s stuff in yours since you’re in control of the lists.”

Cas checked his watch. “We have about two hours to shop so that we will have enough time to get home and unpack everything and get you to Rufus’ on time.”

He watched as Dean wheeled the cart away to look at a stand full of movies. Cas walked up behind him and cleared his throat. Dean looked over his shoulder. “What?”

“We are only going to get what is on the list Dean. We have a budget and we need to stick to it to make sure our money lasts as long as possible.” He grabbed the movie and set it back on the stand. “That means no extra things.”

Cas couldn’t help but chuckle as Dean pouted over not getting the movie. He reached out and patted the man’s arm like a parent would comfort their child. “It’ll be ok. We’re going to have plenty to keep us busy for the foreseeable future Dean.”

Dean grumbled but walked away from the movie stand. He knew Cas was adamant on sticking to the list, but he didn’t realize how determined the angel would be. For the first time in his life, Dean walked out of the store without a single extra item. Anytime he had even looked at something that wasn’t on the list, Cas would shake his head and pull him away.

They walked out the store exactly two hours later and had managed to get everything they needed on both lists. They loaded up the truck with their bags and clambered in. The drive home was shorter due to some of the traffic having cleared up. Dean took Benny’s stuff up to him since he knew where his apartment was while Cas started taking bags to their apartment. By the time Dean was done chatting with Benny, Cas had everything unloaded from the truck and was already starting to unpack and put things away.

When Dean walked into his apartment, he headed straight to the kitchen. Cas was standing on his tiptoes putting a couple boxes inside one of the cabinets that weren’t broke. He saw the beer that Cas had set on the table for him. He looked down at his hands and saw that they were shaking. As he looked at the bottle, he was much more desperate for it than he had been this morning. He wanted to berate himself for his addiction. He jumped when he felt a hand clamp on his shoulder. He looked up into soft blue eyes.

“Dean, remember, don’t punish yourself. We are working to fix the problem, but it will take time. If you keep getting mad at yourself and trying to fight it, it won’t work nearly as well,” Cas reminded him.

Dean let out a large sigh. “Alright Cas, I’ll try.” He reached for the beer and took a long sip from it. He started to help Cas unpack and slowly drank the entire bottle. He still felt it an improvement as he would normally down a bottle in a few minutes rather than half an hour. When he threw the bottle away, he saw Cas staring at him. “What?”

The brunette’s lips twitched up. “Nothing, whether you believe it or not, you’re already making progress. I’m proud of you Dean.”

Dean blushed at the praise, feeling it was stupid to get compliments for such a thing. He chose not to reply and grabbed the toilet paper and some other bathroom supplies to go put up. After the last item was put away, the two men fell onto the creaky couch. Even though Dean had a recliner and a small loveseat, neither of them were in decent enough condition to sit on.

“Benny told me to just shoot him a text when I get back from Rufus’ and we could head up to get some food.” He pulled his phone out to check the time. “Well, I better get going if I’m going to make it on time. I’ll see you when I get back.”

Dean stood up as did Cas. “I thought I might join you. I won’t touch anything if you don’t want but I could at least keep you company.”

“You mean keep watch over me to make sure I don’t do something stupid.” Dean raised an eyebrow at the man.

Cas had a sheepish smile on his face. “Something like that, yes.”

“I would appreciate the company so c’mon. Let’s get going, can’t afford to be late.” Dean grabbed his apartment key and wallet.

They headed out the door and headed to Rufus’ garage. The old man was standing out front when they walked up. Dean’s stomach filled with dread. He double checked his phone for the time and saw that they were five minutes early. Had he done something wrong yesterday? Had he put something in the wrong place or forgot to lock something up? He ran through everything he had done yesterday but couldn’t think of a single thing.

Next to him, Cas whispered, “Relax Dean. Don’t stress before you even know what is going on.”

Cas’ words did little to help relieve the anxiety Dean was feeling. They came to a stop a few feet away from the older man. “Hey Rufus, what’s up?” He couldn’t keep his voice from shaking as he talked.

“Easy there, Dean. No need to be all stressed. Just wanted to tell you that you didn’t do half bad yesterday. The guys were really impressed when they came in this morning. I’ll be honest with you though, kind of surprised you made it back tonight.”

Dean shifted from foot to foot under the man’s stern gaze. He felt Cas press a hand to his lower back and it helped to calm him. “Yeah, I know I don’t have a good track record right now but I’m trying to change all that. Cas, here, is helping me.”

Rufus’ eyes shifted from Dean to the angel. “Who are you? Don’t think I’ve seen you around before boy.”

“No, sir. I am an old friend of Dean’s. I lived out of state. My boyfriend and I broke up recently and I had nowhere else to go. I contacted Dean and he was gracious enough to let me come stay with him. In return, I am helping him get his life back on track.” Cas told Rufus the same lie he had to Benny. Easier that way since lies did have a tendency of getting out of hand.

Rufus eyed Cas up and down. “Yeah and how long are you planning on staying? Dean here needs a lot of help.”

“Hey,” Dean barked.

“Hush up boy, it’s true and you know it. I don’t want you to start doing good and then all of a sudden Cas, here, leaves and you go spiraling again.” Rufus crossed his arms as he talked.

Cas got as mad now as he did at Benny. He couldn’t understand how the people in Dean’s life knew he had needed help but yet nobody had been willing to help him. “If I did, could you not help him? Are you not a friend to him?”

Rufus huffed. “Ain’t my job to fix people boy. I tried to tell Dean to go get help and he did… at the bottom of a bottle. Just like his daddy.”

If Dean’s hand hadn’t shackled around Cas’ wrist, he would have lunged at Rufus. Cas was seething with fury as he glared at the man. “Dean is a lot of things, but he is not his father. You shouldn’t even call yourself a friend. You should have done more than just tell Dean to get help.”

“Can’t make somebody get help if they don’t want to help themselves. You can keep arguing all you want but it ain’t gonna change nothing. You leave and Dean will spiral all over again so just make sure you know what you’re getting into. Now, Dean, you got work to do so you better get to doing it.” Rufus turned around and walked back inside the shop.

“C’mon Cas, I’ve got work to do.” Dean walked away, his shoulders slumped and his head down.

He was quickly spun around when Cas grabbed him by the shoulder. “Why do you let him treat you like that? What he said was horrible!”

“Because he’s right Cas,” Dean shouted. “I’ve tried before… to get better but it never worked. And after every failure, I’d wash my sorrows away with alcohol just like my dad did. He’s right, if you leave…” Dean just shook his head and walked off.

Cas stood there as he watched Dean start working to put things away. He barely registered Rufus walking out and getting into his truck before driving away. Cas looked around and spotted an old deserted bench about fifty feet away. He sat on it and buried his face in his hands.

He finally looked at the sky. “Am I doing the right thing? Should I have ever tried to help Dean in the first place? I’m going to die Father when I finish Falling and Dean will be left without me. Is all my work going to be for nothing? Please, Father give me a sign that I made the right choice.” Castiel begged an entity that he didn’t know if it even existed anymore.

He heard a sadistic chuckle to his left. “Castiel, I tried to tell you one single, miserable human wasn’t worth your life, but you wouldn’t listen.”

Cas glanced over his shoulder at Dean, but the human was oblivious to the arrival of the second angel. “What do you want Michael? Come here to gloat,” Cas growled.

“Honestly yes. It’s no less than what you deserve for choosing to rebel. For choosing that ape over your own family.” Michael moved until he was standing in front of Cas. He nodded towards Dean. “I considered interfering with your little plan here, but I realized, I didn’t need to. Because even if you succeed you will fail. You might fix him, but when you’re gone, he’ll break all over again. It will be worse, Castiel. Much worse than anything he’s done so far. You won’t be here to see it, but I will. I will revel in that human’s misery.”

Cas stood to his full height, his wings spreading to their maximum length. He could feel his grace swirling and pulsing inside his body and knew his eyes were shining a bright blue because of it. “Why? Why do you enjoy seeing the pain of others? We are meant to be the guardians of Heaven. We are meant to guide and protect human souls and yet you mock me for doing just that! Why, Michael?”

“Because it’s fun Castiel. Heaven is boring but humanity, that’s a never-ending drama right there. And that human, well he’s my favorite drama to watch. Seeing what you bring to the show, that’s quality entertainment.” Michael laughed when he saw the angel blade fall from the sleeve of Cas’ coat before spreading his wings and flying away.

Cas had wanted to retaliate but there was nothing he could do to the archangel that wouldn’t get him killed. He put his blade away and headed back to Dean. He hoped that Michael showing up wasn’t the sign he had prayed for.

“Hey Cas, was wondering where you wandered off to. I’m just about done here. I have to lock everything up and then we can head on home.” Dean wiped his dirty hands on his jeans and grabbed the keys to start locking everything up.

When they arrived back at the apartment complex, they headed up to Benny’s. He opened the door to let them in, a big smile on his face. “Hey there boys. Come on in.”

Benny showed them to the kitchen. He grabbed two bowls and plates and handed one of each to Dean and Cas. Dean wasted no time in filling his bowl up and cutting a large slice of cornbread and putting it on his plate. He settled at the table and dug in.

“Cas, brotha’ you can get a bowl whenever you want. Just help yourself,” Benny said as he took a seat at the table with Dean.

“Uh, yes I know… I just. I’m uh, not very hungry is all.” Cas floundered, trying to come up with an excuse.

Dean glared at him with narrow eyes. He swallowed the food in his mouth before speaking. “Bullshit Cas. You haven’t eaten anything today since breakfast. You’ve got to be starving.”

“As a drifter, I didn’t eat much on a day to day basis Dean. Truly, I am not very hungry.”

Dean stood up and grabbed the silverware from Cas’ hands. He put a single scoop of Jambalaya in the bowl and a small piece of cornbread on the plate. He handed them back to Cas. “We’ve got to get your appetite back buddy so that means you have to eat more. Just eat this for me and I’ll quit nagging you.” Dean took a seat back at the table.

Cas sighed but saw no other way out of it. He would have to eat the food and use his grace to expunge it from his system or be forced to use the human way of getting rid of wastes. He had no desire to experience urination and defecation.

He sat at the table and started to eat the food. It wasn’t horrible, the combination of spices Benny used in the soup helped to make it a little more bearable, but it still tasted like molecules. He was glad when he had eaten everything and was able to push the plate and bowl away from him. Dean flashed him an appreciative smile.

They stayed for a few more minutes to talk to Benny before heading back to their apartment. They would meet Benny in his office the following morning at eight-o-clock to retrieve their list of repairs to start working on.

As they walked back to their apartment, “So, Cas, how are we gonna spend the rest of the night?”

“Well, we know what repairs the apartment needs. Maybe we could make a list of supplies of what we would need to start undertaking those repairs. That way we would have it to give to Benny at the end of the week and we could give him an estimate as well.” Cas opened the door to their apartment and held it open for Dean to walk through.

They headed to the kitchen and Cas pulled a beer out and handed it to Dean. He popped the top and took a sip before asking, “Man, what is it with you and lists?”

Cas scowled. “They help keep things organized Dean and help me to keep track of things that need to get done.”

Keeping lists had been the only way Cas was able to keep up with everything when he was in command of his own garrison of angels. The number of things he had overseen had been astronomical and for the first few weeks of being commander, he had been a wreck trying to keep track of everything. One of his previous commanding officers had suggested keeping a list and it had been some of the best advice ever given to him.

Dean rolled his eyes as he took another swallow of beer. “Yeah, yeah. Never been a super organized person but, hey, maybe that’s one of my problems.”

Cas smirked. “It’s only one of your many problems Dean.”

“You know what asshole, shut it. I’m trying here,” Dean snapped but his voice held no anger in it.

“Yes, you are and that’s all that matters. I think maybe we should focus on one room at a time. The kitchen and living room need the most work so which one would you want to start with?” Cas took a seat at the table and placed the list on the table.

“Which one needs the most amount of work?”

Cas studied the repairs for each room. “They have about the same amount. I think the living room is in need of more repair. The TV and furniture are broken beyond repair, so we should just throw those away and replace them. The wallpaper needs to be replaced or would you rather peel it off and paint over it?”

Dean sighed. “I’d rather paint it. It’s easier than trying to put up new wallpaper. It would also be easier for you to help if we were painting since you don’t have a lot of experience with stuff like this. I agree that all that furniture needs to be tossed but I can’t exactly afford new furniture right now Cas.”

Cas sat and thought for a few minutes. “Ok, we can check out the thrift shops and see if we can find any decent furniture. We could also check local ads and see if anybody is getting rid of any furniture. Benny might have an idea. How many cans of paint do you think it would take to do the whole living room?”

They spent the rest of the evening discussing each issue and what would need to be done to fix it. By the time they went to bed, they had a list of supplies they would need to fix most of the living room. They would have to make a trip to the local hardware store to begin pricing everything.

After Dean had gone to bed, Cas used a little bit of his grace to clean out the food he had eaten earlier. Even though Cas was hardly using his grace, he could still feel it draining bit by bit. He already felt weaker and the simple task of cleaning his system out had taken more effort than he was used to.

Cas could also feel his human body becoming tired. As an angel, he didn’t need to sleep but now that his grace was failing, he would start becoming more and more human. He could use his grace to replenish his energy but that would be a stupid decision. He decided to spend the night in the meditative state of angels that would help restore his energy without drawing on his grace. He set the alarm on the clock Dean had given him and fell into a trance.

Cas was jolted awake at the sound of his alarm going off. He grumbled as he pressed the button to turn the annoying thing off. He looked down at his rumpled clothes and decided to put fresh ones on. He dropped his dirty clothes in a laundry basket on the way to the kitchen. He heard Dean in the shower and put on a pot of coffee so it would be ready when he got out. He heated up a pack of pop tarts for Dean to have for breakfast before they went to meet Benny.

He had just finished putting Dean’s food and coffee on the table when the man walked out rubbing at his eyes. He took a seat at the table and pulled the cup of coffee towards him. He drank the whole thing before even acknowledging his companion. “Thanks Cas. Let me guess, you already ate?”

Cas gave a curt nod as he settled at the table. He had wanted a cup of coffee but decided conserving his grace was more important especially if Dean forced him to eat like he had the previous night. After Dean was done with breakfast, they brushed their teeth and finished getting dressed.

They knocked on Benny’s office door at exactly eight-o-clock. He opened the door, a wide smile on his face. “Morning guys. Glad to see you boys showing up on time.”

“We are nothing if not punctual Benny. Do you have a list of assignments for us,” Cas asked far more cheerfully than he had the right to at such an early hour.

Dean grumbled at Cas’ perkiness which caused Benny to laugh. “Still not a morning person, are ya brotha’?” Dean glared at him in answer. “Guess that answers that. Here you guys go. The first apartment on the list is Ms. Mosley. Her dishwasher and oven have been acting up. When you guys get done with that, I need you to go to Garth’s apartment. His lights are all kind of wonky. His words, not mine.”

Cas took the list and started reading over it. He looked up at Benny. “When we finish the first two apartments, do you want us to head to the next one on the list?”

“Depends on the time. If it’s around noon, then you guys can break for lunch for an hour. If you’ve got time, then you can move to the next apartment. After lunch, you will work until four forty-five, that way Dean can get to Rufus’ on time. Sound good with you boys?” Benny took a seat at his desk and turned the computer on.

“Sounds good Benny. Thanks for remembering my deal with Rufus. Anything else we need to know,” Dean asked, trying to stifle a yawn he felt coming on.

Benny grabbed a set of keys from his desk and handed them over. “Here are the keys to the room where I keep all the tools and supplies in. If you can’t find something, come ask me. The room is two doors down from my office.”

After a quick stop to pick up a few basic tools, Dean and Cas headed up to Ms. Mosley’s apartment. “Hello Dean, Castiel. So glad you boys could come up here to fix my oven and dishwasher for me.”

Cas was startled by the fact that the woman knew his name and why they were there. Dean seemed indifferent and walked into the apartment and headed towards the kitchen. Cas stayed behind to stare at the woman in front of him.

Ms. Mosley shut the door and then went to relax on her couch. Castiel watched her with a raised eye. “Angel, you’ve got a staring problem. Dean there knows I’m psychic, so he’s used to me knowing things that I shouldn’t. I have to say, you’re the first angel I’ve ever met although it seems like you won’t be an angel much longer.”

Cas’ eyes went wide at her words. “You know I’m Falling?”

“I had a hunch. I’ve caught glimpses of a few guardian angels before and the glow around them is brighter than yours so I assumed there must be a reason for that. When are you going to tell Dean that his own guardian angel is Falling just for him?” She looked at Cas expectantly.

“You know I’m Dean’s guardian angel?” She nodded. “I can’t tell him Ms. Mosley. Dean’s on the edge as it is; I’m afraid any type of shocking news would send him over the edge. I can’t do that to him.”

“No, you will just wait until you die and don’t have to deal with the downfall afterwards. You’re right Dean is teetering on the edge right now and I think you might be the only thing keeping him from falling but what happens when you are gone completely?” The older woman was scowling at Cas, her eyes alight with passion.

Cas dropped his head. “I don’t know. I just hope I can help him enough that even without me here, he will be able to keep living.”

Before she could respond, “Hey, Cas, could you come in here? I need your help!”

They spent the next two and a half hours trying to finish the repairs in Ms. Mosley’s apartment. Dean had to fix multiple circuits in her dishwasher and replace the heating elements in her oven. She thanked them profusely and offered them some lemonade before heading to Garth’s apartment. She gave Cas a knowing look as he left, and he ducked his head as he walked out the door.

Dean noticed and asked, “Cas, everything ok between you two? I should have told you about her, but I wasn’t sure if you would believe me.”

Castiel straightened to his full height as he followed Dean to Garth’s. “I’m fine. I just wasn’t expecting her to be psychic and she may have asked me about something I’d rather not be asked about.”

“Oh, ok. If you want to talk about it, I’m all ears,” Dean replied with a smile.

“Thank you, Dean. I appreciate it.”

Dean bumped Cas’ shoulder which caused a small grin to spread across Cas’ face. The next hour was spent fixing the lights in Garth’s apartment. He had a few broken switches that needed to be replaced which was a simple enough fix for Dean. After Garth’s problem had been fixed, Dean and Cas went to lunch. Cas refused to eat but promised Dean he would eat dinner. After lunch, they spent the rest of the day working through the list Benny had given them.

That was how the rest of their week went. They worked on repairs for Benny during the day, they went to Rufus’s, came home and ate dinner, worked around the apartment, and went to bed. At night, Cas would use his grace to clean his body of the food Dean forced him to eat and he would enter his meditative sleep to help replenish his energy.

They had been able to find some new furniture for Dean’s apartment. The lady who ran the diner across from the park had recently bought new furniture and was looking to get rid of her old furniture. It had taken two nights to get Dean’s furniture out of his apartment and the new furniture in it. They also managed to make a trip to the hardware store and had an estimate to give to Benny on the amount of money it would cost to fix up the living room.

At the end of the week, Dean was feeling prouder of himself than he had in a long time. He had managed to show up to Rufus’ garage on time for the whole week and would be able to come in on Sunday to work on his car. Benny was happy with the work they had done and had already given them the money they would need to start redoing the living room. Because of Cas’ budgeting, the money he would pay them for their work around the apartment complex was more than the money they needed for repairs. Dean was able to pocket a few hundred dollars, more money than he had made in months.

They had just got back to the apartment and Dean was still looking at the money in his hand like it would disappear any second. He headed to the kitchen and grabbed a beer before joining Cas in the living room. “I can’t believe it man. Three hundred bucks. I never thought it would feel this good. I couldn’t have done it without you.”

Cas blushed at the praise. “You just needed a little help, someone to keep you on track. I assure you I haven’t done that much.”

“Dude, give yourself some credit! You got me a job and you’re helping with my addiction. You’re gonna help me fix my apartment up and because of your awesome budgeting skills, we ended up making a profit of three hundred bucks!” Dean shook the money in Cas’ face for emphasis.

Cas pushed his hand away as he rolled his eyes. “I’m sure if you sat down, you could make a decent budget as well. You did it when you and Sam lived together.”

At the mention of his brother’s name, Dean’s smile fell. “Yeah, well, that was years ago.”

Cas placed a hand on Dean’s calf which was pulled onto the couch. “Dean, have you ever even thought of trying to reach back out to Sam?”

“No! No, I haven’t!” Dean shoved Cas’ hand away and took a deep swallow of his beer.

Cas sighed and reached for the bottle. “You can’t hide behind the alcohol Dean. I get it’s a touchy subject but…”

“Yeah it is,” Dean interrupted. “I haven’t spoken to my brother in years; I doubt he wants to talk to me now. Just drop it Cas. That’s one problem you aren’t gonna fix.” Cas shook his head but dropped the subject. He tried to hand the bottle back to Dean. “Keep it. You’re right, I gotta quit using it to cover up issues.” Dean stood and headed to his room.

Cas waited for Dean to fall asleep before he slipped out the apartment. He walked and outside before spreading his wings and taking off. He landed outside a familiar door seconds later. He knocked and waited for an answer.

“Castiel? What are you doing here,” Charlie asked.

“I need your help, please. I need you to find somebody for me.”

Charlie opened the door and leaned against the frame with her arms crossed. “Who are you trying to find?”

Cas rubbed at the back of his neck, a habit he had picked up from Dean. “His name is Sam Winchester. He has a brother named Dean Winchester. His parents were John and Mary. He’s twenty-six years old. He went to Stanford University to study pre-law and is most likely in law school or just recently graduated. I need a number to be able to contact him.”

“What is he to you? An ex because dude, I’m not gonna help you become a stalker.”

Cas shook his head. “He’s not an ex. I’m sharing an apartment with his brother and they had a major falling out years ago. I would like to try and mend the rift between them.”

Charlie cocked an eyebrow. “His brother doesn’t have his number? I mean, I haven’t talked to my dad in ages after he kicked me out the house, but I still have his number for emergencies.”

“Dean got rid of it a long time ago. Can you find him or not?” Cas was starting to get impatient.

“Be back here tomorrow at the same time and with fifty bucks.” Charlie shut the door before he could even reply.

The next day was Saturday and Benny had given them the day off so they could start on fixing up the apartment. Dean decided to strip the wallpaper and paint the walls first. They spent the morning pulling the old wallpaper off and bundling it up in trash bags to get thrown away later. They broke for lunch and then pulled out the supplies needed to start painting.

Cas helped Dean push the furniture against the far wall that they weren’t painting. He watched curiously as Dean laid out enough tarps to cover the floor and even the furniture. “Why are you covering the furniture?”

Dean glanced behind him as he finished stretching the cloth over the couch. “You never know what kind of accident can happen, Cas. I’d rather not get the new furniture splattered with paint.”

Cas thought Dean was being over cautious but said nothing more. They decided that Dean would paint the top of the wall using a ladder and Cas would paint the bottom of the wall. Once Dean was standing steady on the ladder, Cas passed up a bucket of paint and a brush and the two men got started. They spent a few minutes getting a rhythm between them but once they did, they were able to complete the walls within a few hours.

They had just finished painting the last space on the wall and Dean was climbing down the ladder when it happened. On the second to last step, Dean’s foot slipped, and he started falling. He tried to catch himself on the ladder but was unable to grasp a rung and ended up falling backwards into Cas who was standing behind him. Cas wasn’t expecting Dean’s weight and both men ended up falling to the floor. As they fell, Dean’s leg knocked against the ladder and caused it to tilt precariously. While the ladder didn’t fall, the can of paint that was sitting on it did.

Dean and Cas watched in slow motion as the can toppled and fell off the edge of the ladder and toppled to the floor. It landed on the ground with a thud while the paint inside it flew everywhere. The tarps around the ladder were now splashed with forest green paint and there were rivulets of paint running down the wall. Most of the paint had ended up on Dean and Cas themselves.

Dean had ended up with more paint on him then Cas had. His entire front from his head to his toes were coated in paint. Cas had managed to get some paint in his hair and on his arms and legs, but Dean had blocked him from getting the brunt of it.

Dean crawled out of Cas’s lap and shakily stood to his feet. He wiped at his face, trying to remove enough paint to open his eyes. When he was able to see, he saw Cas bent over laughing. He frowned at the other man’s amusement.

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up asshole,” Dean snapped.

Cas stopped laughing momentarily before breaking back into giggles. “You should see you! You’ve got paint everywhere, including your hair! It’s a nice look Dean.”

“Well, if it’s such a good look, then let me help you out.”

By the time Cas made sense of Dean’s words, it was too late. Dean was running his paint covered hands through Cas’ black hair, down his face, and across his chest. Dean was now the one laughing hysterically by the time he pulled his hands away from Cas.

Cas looked at Dean with a death glare which turned into a bright blush as Dean stripped his shirt off and dropped it to the floor. Cas swallowed thickly at the miles of tanned skin and taught muscles that were exposed. He suddenly felt an unfamiliar stirring in his nether regions.

He was so caught up on staring that he didn’t see Dean running his hands through his hair and flicking even more paint at Cas. The glare Dean earned from the angel caused him to have another laughing fit.

Cas glanced at the paint bucket and an idea popped into his head. Dean was still busy laughing as Cas moved around him and grabbed the bucket. He waited for Dean to stand back up before taking the nearly empty bucket and pouring the last of the paint on the man. He dropped the bucket with a smirk.

“Dammit, Cas! I took my shirt off to try and get some of this paint off me!” Dean tried wiping the excess paint off him as he glared at Cas.

“Well, I figured if you were going to act like a child, I might as well return the favor.” A grin flashed across Cas’ features.

“Oh, you want to see who can act like a child, well, come here buddy and I’ll show you how childlike I can be!” Dean rushed forward and wrapped his arms around Cas in a hug.

Cas struggled against Dean’s hold but realized it was futile as his entire front was now covered in as much paint as Dean’s. He decided to return the favor, running his hands through Dean’s hair, and spreading the paint even more over his shoulders and down his back.

When the two men separated, Cas glared a Dean who had a smirk on his face. Dean shook his head and rolled his eyes. “We’re a couple of dumbasses. Well, now you know why I put all the tarps down.”

“Yes, I guess I do. At least we had the walls painted before we spilled the can,” Cas replied as he looked at the area around him.

Dean grabbed a brush and started to try and even out the paint on the wall, so it didn’t dry in rivulets. Cas tried to help him, but Dean told him to start getting everything else cleaned up. Once the wall was fixed and everything had been cleaned up, they tried to figure out who would get the shower first.

Cas was willing to let Dean go first but he waved it off. “Dude, we’re gonna just have to shower together. If you wait for me to get out, that stuff is gonna be a son of a bitch to get out. You can wait if you want but I really don’t mind. Not like you’ve got nothing I ain’t ever seen before.”

Cas was hesitant to take Dean up on his offer. Spending the past week with Dean had done two things: weaken his grace and strengthen the attraction he felt towards Dean. The longer he stared at Dean who was naked from the waist up, he felt the stirring in his groin get stronger. Cas realized that he was aroused for the first time in his long existence. He was glad he was wearing sweats and he knew there was no way he would be able to shower with Dean and not make things awkward.

“Dude, yay or nay? This paint is only getting drier,” Dean said, snapping Cas out his thoughts.

“I’d rather just shower on my own if you don’t mind. I’m not really comfortable with people seeing me naked.” Cas blushed as he said the words.

Dean shrugged nonchalantly. “Whatever, not really sure why you don’t want to show off, you got a rocking body.” Dean froze as his face went beet red. He bolted towards the bathroom without another word.

Cas stood there staring after the man in shock. He had never expected Dean to say anything like that. Could it be possible that Dean liked him as well? Humanity was turning out to be far more confusing than he had ever realized. Cas sighed before slumping to the floor, waiting for Dean to get out the shower and willing his newfound erection to go down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How amazing is that wonderful artwork! If you like and want to see more, head over to tumblr and follow @notwithd!  
> You can find me on tumblr at @shadowywerewolfqueen. You can find my beta on tumblr at @lonewolf34500!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas gets a job and loses more of his grace causing some side affects. Dean finally gets Baby fixed up. More fixing up of the apartment ensues as well as an argument between Dean and Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4 is here! This has been the hardest chapter yet and had gone through like 3 rewrites so I love and hate this chapter all at the same time! I hope you guys enjoy it!  
> Thank you to notwithd for your awesome input and keeping me straight with this chapter as well as lonewolf34500 for being the wonderful beta that you are!

Dean walked out ten minutes later, wearing nothing but a towel. Cas’ mouth went dry at seeing the half-naked man standing in front of him. With his excellent vision, Castiel made out the thousands of individual water droplets that still clung to Dean’s hair. He watched mesmerized as a few stray beads wandered down Dean’s muscled chest before pooling in his belly button. His entire upper body had a light sheen from the steam of the bathroom, and it was taking all of Cas’ willpower to not walk over and lick the perspiration from Dean’s skin.

“Cas, earth to Cas,” Dean shouted, breaking through the angel’s addled brain.

Cas blinked his eyes rapidly before looking at Dean. “I’m sorry, what was that?”

“I was just letting you know the shower was open. Is everything ok, you’re staring at me more than usual.” Dean was looking at him with a raised eyebrow. “Do I still have paint on me or something?”

“Uh, no. Not that I can tell, anyways. I was just thinking about something. I didn’t mean to stare.” Cas messed with the hem of his paint splattered shirt. “I’m just gonna go shower. I’ll be out in a bit. Maybe you could start dinner?”

Dean groaned. “Dude, I’m exhausted. Can we do the hamburgers tomorrow and go get something? We could go to the Roadhouse. It would be nice to see Ellen.”

“That sounds wonderful. Let me shower and then we can go.” He started to head to the bedroom, but Dean stopped him.

“I would get clothes after the shower. Don’t want to get paint on them,” Dean pointed out.

Cas nodded and headed to the bathroom instead. He groaned when he saw his reflection in the mirror. He was coated in paint from his head to his toes. His hair was more green than black, and he could barely see any of his skin. His shirt and pants were permanently stained, and he considered just trashing them. He decided against it. Throwing them away would mean having to spend money to replace them.

He turned the water on and then struggled to peel his clothes off. The paint had bled through his shirt and pants, causing the material to stick to his skin. When he was finally naked, he stepped into the water and sighed as the heat soaked into his tired muscles. Without his grace to keep his strength up, the act of painting for hours had tired him more than he expected.

Castiel grunted as he struggled to wash the green out of his hair and off his body. His skin was bright red and he was missing about a handful of hair, but he was finally able to scrub himself clean. He wrapped a towel around his waist and opened the door.

He froze. Dean was standing with his hand up, ready to knock. Cas watched his verdant eyes dilate as he stared at Cas’ exposed skin. Dean’s gaze travelled across his muscled shoulders and down his toned abs. His tongue flicked out to wet his lips as he continued to stare at Cas.

Cas’ lips curved up at the corners. “Is everything ok, you’re staring at me more than usual,” Cas parroted Dean’s earlier words.

Dean reeled back as if he had been slapped. “Yeah, sorry. You just distracted me was all.”

Cas looked down at his body before looking back up at Dean. “I’m sorry. If me being naked like this bothers you, I promise not to have it happen again.”

“What, dude, no! I mean, I offered to let you shower with me, so I don’t mind you being naked.” Dean blushed as he comprehended his own words. “Uh, that came out wrong. I just meant that I’m not bothered by you going shirtless around the apartment. I was wearing nothing but a towel earlier so if I did, I’d be a hypocrite.”

Cas struggled to not read the thoughts that were passing through Dean’s mind, but the man was practically screaming at him. Cas was shocked to learn that Dean was very appreciative of his body. Cas’ eyes widened at some of the other thoughts. He felt his cock plumping underneath the towel and prayed that Dean wouldn’t notice.

“Uh, Dean, if you want to go get food, I need to get dressed. I don’t think Ellen would appreciate me walking into her diner in nothing but a towel,” Cas said, still thinking about what he had heard in Dean’s mind.

“Oh, yeah. You were in there for a long time; I was just checking on you, but I see that you’re fine. While you get dressed, I’m gonna fill the tub up and let our clothes soak; see if we can salvage them.” He stepped to the side and let Cas pass him.

Cas slammed the bedroom door behind him and leaned against the door. Dean not only thought Cas was hot, but he wouldn’t be averse to having the angel in his bed. At the same time, Dean didn’t think he had a chance with Castiel. Dean still saw himself as a failure for letting his life get so bad. He assumed there was no way that somebody like Cas would ever be interested in him.

The truth was, Cas had been falling for Dean a little bit more every day, but he knew he couldn’t go to Dean’s bed. He wished he could correct Dean’s errant thoughts, but it was better that he didn’t. When his grace was gone, Cas would cease to exist, and he couldn’t add to that loss by starting an intimate relationship with Dean.

Cas rubbed the heels of his palms against his eyes in agitation. Why did he have to develop feelings for Dean? His mission would be so much easier if Dean were just another one of his charges.

The day Castiel stopped being Mary’s guardian angel and became Dean’s was the day Dean became more than just a charge. Castiel was supposed to save Mary but she had yelled out and told Castiel to leave her and to save Dean. It had pained Castiel to cause the rafter to fall in front of Mary, forcing John to save Dean and Sam first. Cas vowed to protect Dean at all costs. Mary had entrusted her son to him, he could not fail her last dying wish.

Cas was broken from his thoughts when he heard pounding on the door. “If you aren’t ready in the next five minutes, I’m going to Ellen’s without you! Hurry your ass up, you don’t have that many clothes to choose from!”

Cas sighed before getting up and walking to his dresser. He looked through his secondhand clothes. He chose to wear a couple of his nicer things: a pair of washed out jeans and a red button-down shirt. He slipped socks and shoes on before walking to the living room.

Dean was sitting on the couch and smiled at Cas when he saw him. He stood up and Cas felt the breath leave his lungs. It’s not that Dean was dressed up more than usual: jeans, a black t-shirt, and a red flannel. It was the fact that Dean looked relaxed and happy for the first time in a long time. His shoulders were loose, his lips turned up in a happy grin, and his eyes sparkled with delight. Above all, his soul was shining like a beacon in the dead of night. Cas had never seen a more beautiful sight.

“Cas, you’re doing the staring thing again,” Dean said with a chuckle as he grabbed his car keys and wallet.

Castiel dropped his eyes in embarrassment. “I’m sorry.” He glanced back at Dean. “I just don’t think I’ve seen you so content before. You look a lot less stressed than I’ve seen you.”

Dean shrugged. “I’m going to get Baby fixed tomorrow, the apartment is on the way to being fixed, not to mention we are both working men earning a paycheck, I have a lot less things to be stressed about. A couple more weeks and hopefully instead of a recovering alcoholic, I can walk the road of a sober alcoholic. Maybe I’ll get me a sobriety coin like they pass out at those Alcoholic Anonymous groups.” Dean walked up and squeezed his shoulder. “It’s all because of you Cas! I couldn’t have done any of this without you!”

Cas turned red at the praise. “You just needed somebody to believe in you is all.”

“Thank you for being that person. Now enough chick flick moments, let’s go eat!” They headed out of the apartment and walked to the Roadhouse.

They spent the next two hours eating and enjoying one another’s company. They both ordered burgers but, of course, Cas just picked at his food. Dean tried to get him to eat more but Cas insisted he was full. Dean, the human garbage can that he was, ended up eating the rest of Cas’ burger and fries.

When they were both done eating, Dean looked at Cas with a smirk. “So, what are we doing tonight? Reading a book, taking a walk, or making more lists?”

“A walk sounds nice. We can go to the park and do some star gazing,” Castiel suggested.

“Sounds good, just need to pay the bill and then we can get going.” They stood up and headed to the register.

Ellen smiled at them as they walked up, and Dean handed over the bill. “Hey guys, good to see ya’ll again.”

“Hey, Ellen,” they said in unison.

“So, how’s that furniture holding up for you guys?” She told Dean the total and he handed the money over to her.

“It’s good. Way better than the garbage I had in there before. I still can’t believe you just gave it to us. Are you sure there’s nothing we can do to repay you?” Dean asked.

“Actually, that’s kind of what I wanted to come talk to you about. One of my waiters just quit on me and I need to find a replacement ASAP. I know you both were looking for jobs. I only have one position available though. Would either of you be interested?” She asked as she handed Dean his change back.

“Give the change to the waiter. We started working for Benny as his repairmen, but Cas doesn’t know much about repairing things. Maybe, he would be interested.” Dean glanced at Cas to see what he thought.

“Um, I don’t know. I’m not sure how good I would be and besides, I help Dean with the repairs…”

Dean huffed. “Dude, you hand me the tools I ask for. If you took this job, that would double the income for us. If Ellen gives you the day shifts throughout the week, we could still work on fixing up the apartment at night.”

“You agree to start Monday, and I promise to have you working nine to five and give you the weekends off. Please, Castiel, I could really use the help,” Ellen all but begged him.

Cas looked between the two and knew he had no choice but to say, “Alright. I will be here at nine-o-clock on Monday.”

“Wonderful. Please make sure to get some non-skid shoes before you show up. Can’t have you falling, now can I? We’ll get all the paperwork filled out when you come in. Just make sure you have your driver’s license and social security number. Thanks, Cas, you’re a lifesaver.” She walked around the counter and hugged him in gratitude.

“You’re welcome. I just hope I don’t disappoint you,” Cas said warily.

“You’ll be fine. Now, I’ll see you Monday. Dean, you keep staying out of trouble.” She hugged Dean, as well, before walking off.

When she was gone, Dean looked at Cas, a large smile on his face. “Way to go dude, you got a job! We need to go get those shoes Ellen talked about. Do you need any more clothes or are you good?”

“I should be good on clothes. None of my stuff is new, but it’s all in fairly good condition… besides the paint stained clothes.” Cas had a gummy smile on his face as he reminisced about their paint fight.

Dean laughed heartily. “Yeah, probably shouldn’t wear those. After I get Baby fixed up tomorrow, we can make a run to Walmart to pick up your shoes.”

A while later, Dean and Cas were sitting on one of the stone walls next to Mary’s angel statue. The two men stared at the statue in silence until Dean spoke up. “My mother made this statue.”

“I’ve always admired it but never had an idea of who made it. She must have been very proud of it.” Cas felt a sense of melancholy grip him as he continued to gaze at the marble replica of himself.

Dean spoke in a soft voice. “Yeah, she was. Before she died, she would bring me here a lot. She told me this statue was inspired by a dream of hers. Her and dad had given up hope of having kids, but an angel visited her in her dreams and told her that good things were coming their way. The next day, she found out she was pregnant with me. From that day forward, her favorite thing to say to me was that angels were watching over me.” Dean’s voice turned sour as he continued to speak. “I hate to tell her, but she was wrong. If there is an angel watching over me, they’ve done a pretty shit job of it. They let my mom die and then let my life spiral into a pit of misery.”

Cas shut his eyes at the accusations pouring from Dean’s mouth. Curse the rules of Heaven that didn’t allow guardian angels to physically interact with their charges. He desperately wanted to tell Dean the truth if only to ease his own guilty conscience. “I wish I had some uplifting thing to say. Maybe your guardian angel wanted to help but couldn’t.”

Dean scoffed at the idea. “You really believe in all that angel and Heaven crap? I used to but I don’t anymore. Besides, if they’re a guardian angel, then why couldn’t they help.”

“Maybe there are rules. Maybe they can’t physically interact with you,” Cas explained.

Dean shook his head. “You actually believe in all that? Well, if I got to pick a guardian angel, I’d pick you.”

Cas gasped at the admission. He looked at Dean disbelievingly. “Why would you ever pick me?”

“Buddy, you’ve done more for me in a week than most people I’ve known for half my life.” Dean clapped the angel on his shoulder. “Yeah, you can be my guardian angel rather than some schmuck with a halo and a harp.”

Castiel stared at Dean with a tilted head and squinted eyes. “Why do people always think angels have halos and harps? Why would we, they want to carry an instrument around all the time? It’s a ludicrous idea.”

“You know, my mom had the same notion.” He pointed to the statue. “She said that’s what the angel in her dream looked like. Some poor holy tax accountant with giant black wings.”

“I much prefer that idea than people in togas carrying harps everywhere they fly,” Cas grumbled.

Dean chuckled. “Yeah, I guess I do too. You know, it’s still uncanny how much you look like that statue. I swear, if we dressed you in a suit and added your trench coat on top of it, you’d be an exact replica.”

Cas fiddled with a button on said trench coat. “I don’t really see it, but I’ll take your word for it.” Wanting to change the topic, he pointed to the sky. “See that line of three bright stars. That’s Orion’s belt. Orion is a great hunter from Greek mythology. He was the son of a gorgon named Euryale and Poseidon, the god of the sea. Gaia, the ancestral mother, was jealous and tried to kill him with the sting of a scorpion. That’s why the constellations of Orion and Scorpius are never in the sky at the same time. Ophiuchus, the Serpent Bearer, revived Orion with an antidote.”

“You know, you’re a really smart guy Cas. Now, tell me some more constellation stories,” Dean said with a small smile.

They spent a couple hours in the park before returning home and going to bed. Like the night before, once Dean was asleep, Cas headed to Charlie’s. She was waiting at the door as he walked up.

“You know, you have to be one of the most punctual people I’ve ever met.” She held out a sheet of paper to him and he gave her the required fifty dollars. “He was easy enough to find. Honestly, a quick internet search and you could have found him yourself.”

Cas took the paper and read over the information Charlie had written down. She had included Sam’s phone number, where he lived, where he worked, his work number, and a few other things. He glanced back up. “I nor Dean have a working laptop at the moment, and I don’t have a phone. Thank you for doing this for me, Charlie, I appreciate it.”

Charlie shoved Cas’ shoulder lightly. “Dude, you’re living in, like, the stone age. How do you entertain yourself or talk to people?”

“I read a lot and I don’t have many friends to keep up with. I need to be going. Thank you again.” Cas folded the paper and put it in his trench coat pocket.

“Well, see you around. You gonna make it a habit to come visit me every so often?” She asked with a cheeky grin.

“With any luck, this will be the last time you and I ever cross paths Ms. Bradbury,” Cas said with finality as he walked away.

When Cas returned to the apartment, he shed his jacket and dropped into his bed. As much as he hated the human way of sleeping, he slipped into unconsciousness within seconds. The next thing he knew was Dean knocking on his door, telling him to wake up.

Cas grumbled as he slid from the bed and followed Dean to the kitchen. He was surprised to see coffee and pop tarts already waiting for him. He sat down and took a large gulp of the hot liquid. He picked up one of the toasted pastries and started nibbling on it, enjoying the sweetness that caressed his tongue. “Thank you, Dean, but why are we up so early? I know you want to work on Baby, but does it have to be at the asscrack of dawn?”

Dean smiled brightly at his friend and Cas realized that the man was already fully dressed. “Yup! Drink your coffee and eat your pop tarts so we can get going. I’m itching to get my hands under her hood.”

“I think I liked grouchy morning Dean better than this peppy persona.” Cas glared at his friend as he took another sip of coffee.

“Oh, shut up and eat. Working on Baby for me is like making lists for you.” Dean was so full of excitement he couldn’t sit still. He kept moving around the kitchen, waiting for Cas to be finished with his breakfast.

The minute Cas walked out of his room fully dressed, Dean grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the apartment. They were halfway to the garage when Dean realized he was still holding Cas’ hand. He dropped it as if he had been burned. “Sorry, didn’t realize,” he said, his cheeks stained red.

Cas flexed his now cold fingers. “It’s ok. I didn’t want to ruin your excitement.”

Dean looked sheepish. “Was it that obvious?”

“Your excitement was palpable Dean. But, I’m glad to see you so happy for once.” Cas had a soft smile on his face as he looked at Dean. Seeing Dean so ecstatic for something made his soul shine one thousand times brighter.

“Yeah, I am happy Cas! I’m gonna get my Baby back in working order. I’ve missed driving her around town listening to music. I can’t wait for you to ride in her. She rumbles like a lion and rides smoother than butter.” Dean couldn’t stop smiling as he talked about his beloved 1967 Chevrolet Impala.

When they arrived at the garage, Dean grabbed the keys and opened the bay that Baby was parked in. He ran his hand down her side lovingly and spoke soft nothings to her. The smile on his face was beaming as he walked around her.

Cas knew how much the car meant to Dean. It was the only thing of John’s that Dean had ever desired to inherit. After John crashed her, Dean had spent months restoring her to her original glory. There wasn’t another item that Dean owned that had as much blood, sweat, and tears put into it. Dean didn’t care that it was the only item left of his father’s, it was all the personal touches in the Impala that he cared so much about. On the dashboard, the initials D.W. and S.W. were carved into it. Sam had crammed an old army man into the ashtray. Dean had shoved Legos into the vents and whenever the heat was on, their rattling could be heard.

“She is a beauty, Dean. I can understand why you are so proud of her,” Cas said as he watched with amusement as Dean gazed passionately at his car.

When Dean finally pulled his eyes off the car, he rubbed his hands in anticipation. “Alright, I’m gonna grab the tools I’ll need and then we can get started.”

“Dean, you know I’m always willing to help, but I have no knowledge of cars at all. I’m not sure how much help I will be,” Cas said skeptically. He knew how to drive them but that was as far as his understanding went. He feared he wouldn’t be much help to Dean.

“You’re gonna do what we do when we’re working on repairs. You hand me whatever I ask for and keep me company. Along the way, I’ll show you some things about fixing cars.” Dean set the toolbox on the ground before propping up Baby’s hood.

For the next four hours, Dean worked on Baby with Cas’ help every so often. Dean finally stepped back and dropped Baby’s hood to shut it. He turned to look at Cas, who was sitting on a stool. “Well, she’s all fixed up. Sorry it took so long.”

Cas looked at Dean knowingly. “Dean, we both know that you fixed the problem with Baby within the first hour and a half. The last two and half hours have been for your enjoyment just tinkering with her.”

Dean at least looked guilty of what he was accused of. “You knew about that, huh?”

“Not at first, but it didn’t take me long to figure out. I was simply happy to see you happy, so I didn’t want to say anything. I haven’t seen you this excited since I moved in.”

Dean pulled Cas into a tight hug and his feelings for Dean flooded to the front of his mind. Cas hesitated but returned the embrace.

“It’s all because of you Cas. I wouldn’t be at this point without you. Now, how about we head to Walmart to pick up your shoes and then we’re gonna go home and I’m gonna prep my famous handmade burgers and French fries!” Dean pulled away with a bright smile.

Cas wished he could taste food the way Dean did just so he could tell Dean how wonderful his cooking was. Even if he wouldn’t be able to taste the burgers, he would compliment Dean on them. “I eagerly await to try your cooking Dean.”

Dean grinned in response to the sentiment. “Alright, let’s get everything packed up and then we’re driving to Walmart Cas! No more walking everywhere for us!” Dean started picking up the scattered tools.

Later that evening, Dean and Cas were sitting at the kitchen table full of food. Dean had cut up tomatoes, onions, and lettuce to put on the burgers. He had also set out mayo, ketchup, mustard, and pickles. When Cas had asked what all of it was, Dean had told him it was the “fixings for a burger.”

“No burger is complete until all of this is on it, Cas, trust me,” Dean said as he piled his burger high with the various condiments and vegetables.

Cas grinned as Dean took the first bite of his burger. “Well, I know one way now to get you to eat vegetables.” Dean flicked him the bird as he took another bite. Cas chuckled; getting Dean to eat any form of vegetable was a minor accomplishment.

He pulled a bun from the bag and added the hamburger patty to it. “Dude, you are not seriously eating a plain hamburger, are you? That’s just an insult to hamburgers everywhere,” Dean said with slight disgust.

Cas rolled his eyes at the exaggeration. “You said the same thing last night and like I said yesterday, I’ve never eaten a burger with ‘all the fixings’ as you say, so why start now?”

Cas took a small bite of the burger. As he chewed his food, he was surprised. He bit into his hamburger again and chewed slowly. He didn’t taste molecules. He tasted the spices that Dean had put on the patty as well as the buttery taste of the bread.

Castiel stared at the burger as if it had grown a head. It was one thing to acknowledge that he was losing his grace, it was another entirely to experience it. He was becoming less of an angel every day. His wings were duller than ever, the voices of his angelic brothers and sisters sounded muted, he was more tired every day, and now he could actually taste food. A small whimper escaped his throat.

“Cas, are you alright?” Dean was looking at him with both concern and confusion. “You’ve been staring at your burger for like a full minute and you just whined like a dog. Is my cooking that bad?”

Cas huffed at the joke. “No, in fact it tasted better than ever. I’m sorry, Dean. I…I don’t know what came over me.”

“Anything I can help with?” Dean asked.

Cas set the burger on his plate and stared at Dean intensely. “Could you imagine losing a part of yourself that is so integral to you that your very being is defined by it? Do you know what it feels like to slowly watch yourself wither away and know that death waits for you at the end?” Cas mumbled into the silent room.

Dean set his own burger down. “Woah, that’s some existential sentiment right there. What’s going on Cas? Please, explain,” Dean begged his friend.

Cas shook his head. “You wouldn’t understand and it’s not really something I can tell you.”

“That’s bullshit Cas! I’ve told you pretty much my entire life story. I think you owe me,” Dean argued.

The angel sighed, trying to think of a way to tell Dean some semblance of the truth. “My entire life, I’ve viewed myself in one way and one way only. Even though I wasn’t always happy with myself, I was good at what I did, and I thought that was enough. Then, something came along and changed everything about my life. It changed what I did and how I viewed myself. I’ve been struggling to accept this new version of myself.”

Cas paused, trying to gather the rest of his thoughts. He glanced at Dean who was looking at him intently and was hanging onto every word Cas was speaking. “Every day spent with you shows me just how different I am and I’m still changing. I never imagined myself accepting a job as a waiter at some little diner and yet I’m looking forward to it. Doing honest… physical work sounds very appealing to the new me. But I fear that when all these internal changes are done, the Castiel that I knew will be dead and I’m not sure how to handle that.”

Dean was impressed by the little speech. “As utterly vague as that was, I kind of get it. I never imagined I’d be some broke alcoholic with his life in pieces but here I am. It’s hard to accept but it’s what I got to live with right now. Every day with you is helping to change me into something different, maybe even better than what I was before. The old Dean is dead, and I hope one day this loser alcoholic Dean is dead too. I’ll tell you a secret Cas, it can be scary to watch a part of you die, but if you weren’t happy with that part of yourself, it’s kind of nice knowing it’s no longer who you are.”

Cas’ lips curved up in a small smile. “You know what Dean, you’re right. I don’t think the old Cas is who I want to be anymore and maybe it will be a good thing when he’s gone.” If only the old Cas could die without the new Cas dying as well.

“That’s the spirit! Are you good now?” Dean asked with concern.

Cas flashed a small grin at him. “Yes, Dean, I’m ok now. Thank you for helping.”

“It’s kind of nice to be able to help you for once,” Dean said with a smirk.

Cas rolled his eyes as Dean picked his burger back up and took a large bite. Cas bit into his burger again but found it to be very bland. He decided to add “the fixings” as Dean said. Cas started pulling things towards him. He spread mayo on the top bun and squirted ketchup and mustard on the bottom bun. He added a slice of cheese as well as tomatoes, onions, pickles, and lettuce. He took a bite of the burger and moaned as his mouth was assaulted by the combination of flavors.

Cas could taste the sweetness of the ketchup, the bitterness of the onion, the tanginess of the mustard, and so much more. He glanced at Dean who was staring at him in shock. He swallowed the mouthful of burger before asking, “What?”

“Dude, you just added everything to your burger! I thought you said you liked them plain,” Dean exclaimed.

Cas dropped his gaze to the burger before looking at Dean with a sheepish smile. “Your burgers really are the best and deserve to be enjoyed the completed way as you said. They make me very happy.”

“I am so holding this over Ellen’s head for the rest of forever! Wait until she hears that you prefer my burgers to hers,” Dean said with a huge smile.

“Just don’t get me fired,” Castiel chided.

Dean waved his hand in a dismissive gesture. “Psh, as if.”

The rest of the meal was spent in comfortable silence. Cas found that he liked the salty potatoes almost as much as the savory burger. He had to admit that this was one small consolation of losing his grace, finally being able to experience the joy of food.

Cas had just popped the last French fry in his mouth when Dean said, “You actually ate everything, that’s a first.”

Cas flashed a smile at his friend. “The old me tried not to eat very much; the new me is going to enjoy food a whole lot more. Thank you for cooking Dean; it was delicious. I can cook tomorrow if you want.”

“Nah, we can just have a TV dinner tomorrow. I’m sure we’ll both be tired, plus, don’t want to cook all the good stuff too soon and then be stuck eating all the mediocre stuff for two weeks straight. The next time we do cook, though, I’ll let you do it,” Dean replied as he stood up and started gathering all the dirty dishes and putting them in the sink to get washed.

“Sounds like a plan. I’m sorry I don’t have more money so that we could eat better food every night. Maybe with your repairmen job and me working at the diner, that will change,” Cas said hopefully as he put the bottles and jars back in the fridge.

Dean turned to face Cas; his hands covered in bubbles. “Cas don’t blame yourself for not having the money. You are literally paying for everything right now and if anybody should feel bad about that, it should be me. If we have to eat like broke college kids a few nights a week, that’s on me, buddy, not you. It’s my fault we’re in this mess anyway.”

Cas shut the fridge door before pulling Dean into a hug, uncaring of his wet hands. “The fact that you’re trying to fix things speaks volumes. Besides, you can pay for our next shopping trip with the three hundred dollars you got from Benny.”

Dean pulled away and continued to wash the dishes. “The three hundred dollars we made. You’ve been a bigger help than you know.”

Cas shrugged as he started to rinse. “I didn’t do all that much, just handed you the tools and kept you company.”

They shared a knowing smile between each other before bursting into laughter. After the dishes were clean, Dean disappeared to his bedroom for a minute. He walked back to the kitchen, a plastic bag in his hand. He set it on the table and slid it over to Cas with a quiet, “Here.”

“Dean, what is this?” Cas asked while staring at the man.

“Just open it.”

Castiel rolled his eyes but pulled a box out of the bag. He took a sharp breath when he saw what he was holding. He jerked his gaze up to Dean’s. “This is a, a phone.”

“Yep,” Dean said, popping the p.

“Dean, we can’t afford this. You need to take it back.” Cas shoved the box back in the bag and tried to hand it over to Dean.

Dean shook his head. “Cas, hey, it’s ok. I used the three hundred dollars from Benny. That wasn’t even part of the original budget, so it’s still ok. The phone was on sale and I got it for less than a hundred bucks. It’s not a super fancy phone or anything, but you will have it in case you need to get a hold of me. Please, Cas, keep it.”

Cas eyed the package warily but grabbed it and pulled the phone back out. It wasn’t a top of the line smartphone, but Cas would be able to download a few games to play on it and would be able to use the internet if he needed to look anything up. He hugged the phone to his chest as if it were the most valuable thing in the world. He looked at Dean, a single tear sliding down his cheek. “Thank you, Dean, this is the nicest thing anybody has ever done for me. I promise to take exceptional care of it.”

Dean rubbed at the back of his neck, embarrassed at such praise. He tried to laugh it off. “Cas, it’s just a cheap phone, nothing to be giddy about. I’m glad you like it, though”

“Oh, Dean, I love it.” Cas had a large gummy smile, causing wrinkles to appear around his nose. He pulled the other man into a tight hug. “Thank you, Dean, for being such a wonderful friend. You’re the best one I’ve ever had.”

Dean returned the hug with a grin. “You’re welcome buddy. You’ve been one of the best friends I’ve ever had as well.” They pulled apart and Dean said, “You need to let it charge overnight before we can set it up. I got a pre-paid plan so we can add the minutes to it tomorrow. We’ll set it all up after we get off work.”

“Alright, let me go charge it. What are we going to do afterwards?” Cas asked.

Dean nodded to the cabinets. “Let’s start working on fixing the cabinets up. We should be able to get all the hinges and shelves replaced. We can work on sanding them tomorrow and then paint them on Tuesday.”

Cas nodded and scurried to his bedroom. When he returned, Dean already had the tools set up on the counter. They spent the rest of the night working on repairing the cabinets. Well Dean fixed them; Cas handed him the tools and kept him company.

The next morning, Cas showed up at Ellen’s with five minutes to spare. “Morning, Cas, nice to know you can arrive on time. Give me a minute and we’ll go to my office to get all your paperwork done. Did you bring what I told you to?”

“Yes, Ellen, I did. It’s all in my wallet.” Cas took a seat at one of the bar stools and waited for Ellen to finish ringing out her current customer.

“Alright, Jo, Cas and I are going to my office. If you need anything, give me a holler.”

“You got it mom,” Ellen’s daughter, Jo, shouted as she carried a tray of food over to a table full of people.

Cas followed Ellen to her office and they both had a seat. “Alright, so we will get all the paperwork filled out and then there are a few videos you have to watch on health and sanitation. Things that the government makes everybody watch; nothing you can do to get out of it.”

“That’s alright Ellen, we do what we have to do.” He pulled out his license and social security card and passed them over to Ellen.

After the paperwork was filled out and Cas was officially an employee of the Roadhouse, Ellen pulled up the videos he needed to watch. She told him it would take about an hour and if she didn’t come back to check on him, to come find her when they were over.

Ellen managed to show up as he was finishing with the last video. “Alright, you ready to get to work? You’re gonna be shadowing with Jo for the week and we’ll see how you feel about going solo next week. Any questions?”

“None at the moment.”

“Well, get your butt to work then,” Ellen said with a grin.

The rest of Cas’ day went surprisingly well. Jo turned out to be a stubborn, hardworking woman with a wicked sense of humor. She told Cas the best way to learn was to jump into the deep end of the pool. Within Cas’ first hour of working, Jo had him taking orders, carrying trays, and much more. She seemed proud that he was a fast learner and was the only newbie she had ever trained that didn’t drop a glass or plate on his first day.

Once Jo was done with showing Cas all their closing responsibilities, she and Cas sat down to count the tips they had earned. Jo ended up splitting them with Cas who tried to refuse.

“Jo, I couldn’t possibly. I didn’t do all that much.” Cas tried to slide the money back across the table.

“Cas, I won’t take no for an answer. Even splitting the tips, I still made more than I would on a normal day. Please, you earned this.” Jo pushed the money towards him with a “don’t argue with me” look on her face.

Cas flicked his gaze between her and the money before finally taking the cash and putting it in his wallet. “Thank you, Jo. I will see you tomorrow.”

“Bye Cas. Have a good night,” she said with a wave.

When Cas walked into the apartment, Dean was in the kitchen pulling a second TV dinner from the microwave. He looked up when he heard Cas’ footsteps. “Hey there, buddy! How was your first day of work?” Cas grabbed a bottle of water for himself and a beer for Dean. “Hey, grab me a soda instead. I don’t really want a beer. I’ve actually only had two today and to be honest, I feel good. No shakes or nothing,” Dean said proudly.

Cas smiled and put the beer back and grabbed a Coke. He set the drinks on the table before settling in a chair. “You know you can have up to four a day this week?”

Dean shrugged as he set one of the microwaveable meals in front of Cas. “I know but I figured if I could get by without drinking four, then why drink that many?”

“Good point. I’m proud of you Dean. If you do get shaky though, you’re well within your limit to have another one. Also, my day went very well. Ellen got all my paperwork filled out and I had to watch these boring videos for an hour, but the rest of the day went well. Jo had me taking orders, delivering food, helping the chefs prepare food and lots more. I actually enjoyed it. It’s honest work,” Cas explained as he took a bite of his food.

As he chewed the mixed vegetables, he frowned at an unpleasant taste in his mouth. He swallowed his mouthful and then tried each vegetable one by one. He liked all but the peas and slowly picked each pea out and set them on his napkin. He looked up when he heard a chuckle.

“You got something against peas, Cas?” Dean asked with a grin.

Cas glared at the small, round vegetables. “They taste sour to me. The other vegetables are good but not those.” He took a bite of his mashed potatoes and smiled. “Now, these are delicious! I never knew mashed potatoes could taste so good.”

Dean snorted. “Dude, these are nothing. I’ll have to make my homemade potatoes for you one day. If cheap TV dinner potatoes make you smile, mine will make you moan.”

Cas took another bite before saying, “I look forward to tasting them Dean.”

Over dinner they talked about their day of work and afterwards they worked on fixing the kitchen up some more. They finished repairing all the cabinets and started sanding them down so they could paint them the next night. Cas noticed the dishwasher was running and pointed it out to Dean.

“Oh yeah, I finished all the repairs Benny wanted me to do today and since I had some extra time, decided to work on some of the broken things in here. The dishwasher and all the faulty lights are now fixed. The faucets in the bathroom no longer leak and I figured out a way to fix my bed frame,” Dean explained as he finished sanding the cabinet he was working on.

“That’s wonderful, Dean. I’m very proud of you for taking the initiative. I know we still have quite a bit to work on, but we’ve made a lot of progress already. At this rate, a couple more weeks and this place will be good as new,” Cas said as he washed his hands of the sawdust that had collected on them. “It’s not too late, do you want to start painting them?”

“Nah, I don’t want to deal with another paint fiasco. How about we set the tarps up tonight so that it will save us some time tomorrow?” Dean suggested.

“Sounds good, I’ll go grab them.” Cas retrieved the pile of tarps from the living room and walked back to the kitchen.

As they were setting up the tarps, Dean looked at Cas with a smirk.

Cas noticed the staring and asked, “What?”

“I was just wondering,” Dean said, not answering Cas’ question.

“About?”

“Just wondering what the next thing you’re gonna try and fix in my life is. So far, you’ve helped me get a job, get Baby fixed, set up a plan to get me sober, helped me get new furniture, and you’re helping me fix up my apartment. What else is on your ‘Things to Fix in Dean’s Life’ list?” Dean laughed at his own joke while merriment danced in his eyes.

Cas chewed on his bottom lip as he worked on spreading a tarp over the sink. He knew what he wanted to fix next, but he also knew it would be the biggest hurdle yet. Finally, he answered. “I want to help you reconnect with your brother.”

He heard Dean stop moving behind him. He could also hear Dean’s heart start pounding faster in his chest at the thought of Sam. “Cas, I told you that that issue can’t be fixed,” Dean said slowly.

Cas turned to face Dean. The man wasn’t even looking at Cas, he was staring straight ahead at the wall. “If you try, Dean, I know it could. You and Sam were so close growing up, don’t you want that again?”

“I told you that Dean is gone.” Dean dropped his head. “The new one…I don’t get to have a brother who cares about me.”

Castiel shook his head. “Dean, of course this new you has a brother! I’m sure if you just tried to reach out to Sam.”

“No!” Dean interrupted Cas. Unshed tears swam in the forest depths as Dean stared at Cas. “Our last phone call wasn’t a happy one. In fact, it ended with Sam saying he hoped to never see me again.” Dean dropped his gaze to the floor. “The least I could do is follow his last request,” he whispered to the quiet kitchen. Without another word, Dean walked away. A few seconds later, Cas heard Dean’s bedroom door slam shut.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas have a moment, but Cas turns Dean down. Dean is mad at being rejected and has to choose if he still wants Cas in his life. Cas reaches out to Sam, but will it go the way he plans?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Here's the next chapter, hope you guys like it!  
> Thanks lonewolf34500 for being my awesome beta!

Cas flinched at the sound of wood slamming. He knew getting Dean to even consider talking to Sam would be a challenge. As he continued to spread the tarps out, he tried to think of ways to get Dean to reach out. 

Cas tilted his head up to the roof and prayed aloud, “Somebody please help me.” He wasn’t surprised when he didn’t receive a reply, but it did give him an idea. If he couldn’t get Dean to reach out to Sam, maybe he could get Sam to reach out to Dean.

His mouth opened in a wide yawn, another sign of his failing grace. He was getting more tired every day. He finished putting the last tarp down before heading to his room. As he changed into pajamas, he felt a pressure building in his stomach. With his grace fading, bodily functions affected him more than ever. He put his hand on his stomach, about to use his grace to empty out his bladder, but he paused. His grace was fading fast, was it worth using it for something so mundane? He was a billion years old angel who had fought in hundreds of wars, surely, he could get over the task of having to urinate.

Cas sighed. “I can’t believe I’m about to do this. The indignity of it all.” He walked out of the room across the hall to the bathroom. He shut the door behind him as he went to stand in front of the toilet. He lowered his sweatpants slightly before pulling his cock out. He held his warm flesh in his hand and forced his body to relax. He watched with disdain as a stream of urine erupted from the tip of his cock and into the toilet bowl. When he was done, he hastily shoved his cock back in his pants before flushing the toilet and moving to wash his hands.

Castiel shut his bedroom door behind him and was startled to hear a voice. “My, my, how the mighty have fallen.”

Cas grit his teeth. “What do you want, Michael? I’m tired and wish to go to sleep.”

The archangel had a wicked smile on his face. “That’s the point, isn’t it Castiel? You were one of Heaven’s finest soldiers and then you gave it up to be a guardian. I was so disappointed in you; I mean guardians are barely higher ranking than cupids. But, of course you were good at your new job… until now. When I look at you now, I’m just disgusted.”

“Well, I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t ask for your opinion,” Cas snapped.

“Look at how pathetic you’ve become! What angel needs sleep or tastes food or urinates?” Michael spat. “You gave up eternity for a human!”

Cas felt his wings flare in anger. “What does it matter to you, Michael? Why do you care what I’ve done? Ever since I made my choice, you have done nothing but taunt me! If I have disappointed you and disgust you, then why are you so concerned with me?”

Michael shook his head. “That’s none of your concern, Castiel.” Michael was gone before Cas could say anything else.

Cas was too exhausted to think about why the archangel had visited him. He set his alarm, turned off his light, and slipped into bed. He still hated the feeling of unconsciousness that sleep brought with it, but he welcomed it that night.

The next few days were uneventful for the two men. They went to work during the day and worked on repairing the kitchen at night. They managed to not have another paint fiasco, and the cabinets now looked brand new. Dean refused to talk about Sam, and Cas didn’t dare mention him again.

It was Saturday and Dean got a call from Benny asking if he wanted to come up to his apartment and watch a football game on TV with him. “Cas, you’re invited too,” Dean said as he got off the phone.

“No thank you, sports aren’t really my thing. I’m going to stay here and read my book. You have fun with Benny, and remember your alcohol limit,” Cas reminded his friend.

“Ahh, c’mon, can’t I relax it for just this night?” Dean whined.

Cas shook his head emphatically. “Absolutely not! You are doing so well. You’re actually a week ahead of schedule since you’ve drunk no more than three beers a day this week. Hanging out with Benny isn’t worth screwing up your progress, Dean.”

“I guess you’re right. I promise I won’t have more than two beers while I’m with him. I’ll let him know and that way he can watch out as well. Are you sure you’re going to be ok all on your own?” Dean asked, voice laden with concern.

Cas let his book fall closed before looking at Dean. “I’ll be fine. I am a grown adult.”

“I know that. It’s just… we’ve hardly done anything separate since you started living with me,” Dean stated.

“We go to work for eight hours a day, Dean. We aren’t together then,” Cas pointed out.

“Well, duh. I meant after work. All of our free time has pretty much been spent together. It feels kind of weird that you aren’t coming with me.” Dean had dropped his gaze and was rubbing at the back of his neck absentmindedly.

Cas smiled softly at his friend. “Dean, I enjoy spending time with you, don’t doubt that. I think it’s a good idea, though, that we do start spending a little time away from each other. You need more friends than just me.”

“I have other friends. There’s Benny, Ellen and Jo, and Rufus,” Dean replied indignantly.

Cas rolled his eyes. “For being thirty years old, that’s not a lot of friends, Dean.”

Dean huffed. “Yeah, and what about you, huh? You’re older than me and besides my friends, you don’t have any friends of your own.”

“I also haven’t lived in this town for years, Dean. Considering you are the first person I befriended, it makes sense that most of my friends right now would also be yours. Although, I’m not sure you would call Rufus my friend. As you so kindly pointed out, we’ve hardly spent any time away from each other. When would I have had a chance to make friends?” Cas asked from where he was laying on the couch.

“So, maybe you should get out some,” Dean retorted. “If I need to make friends, then so should you.”

“My life isn’t the one we are trying to fix. I’m focused on your issues right now, not my own,” Cas argued.

“If that’s the case, then once my life is back on track, you’re next!” Dean’s voice left no room for argument.

Cas capitulated, not wanting this to turn into a real argument. “Alright, Dean. After I’ve fixed your life, you can try and fix mine.” Cas wished Dean could fix his life, but that wasn’t a possibility.

“Good. Well, enjoy your book and I’ll see you when I get back. If you need anything, just call me,” Dean said as he headed out the door.

“I will,” Cas called before the door clicked shut.

Cas rubbed at his eyes tiredly. Getting Dean to make new friends would be a good thing for him. He would need their support when Cas’ grace finally snuffed out. Maybe if Dean and Benny hung out more, Benny could introduce Dean to even more people. Cas wasn’t sure he would be very good at finding more friends for his charge. He picked his book up and started to read some more.

An hour later, Cas had finished his book. He was sitting on the couch, his phone in one hand and the piece of paper Charlie had given him in the other. He was trying to build his courage enough to dial Sam.

“GAH,” he screamed as he threw the phone and paper onto the table. He scrubbed at his face, muttering, “Why is this so hard?”

Truthfully, Cas knew why he was procrastinating. He had no idea what to say to Sam. What could he possibly say to convince the younger Winchester to talk to his brother? What if Dean was right, what if Sam had no desire to talk to Dean?

Castiel was so frustrated he almost considered grabbing a beer and drinking the whole thing down in one go. Even with a failing grace, it would hardly affect him, but maybe it could take the edge off. Of course, if Dean caught him using alcohol to deal with his problems, that would be another problem and Cas had enough of those at the moment.

Cas stood to his feet and stormed out of the apartment. He hoped going on a walk might help to clear his mind. He wandered aimlessly down the street, barely paying attention to where he was going. He wasn’t surprised when his feet led him back to the statue of himself that Mary had carved. He took a seat on the wall and stared at the statue.

Cas felt a range of emotions as he looked at his own face. That statue represented something he no longer was. That Castiel had been fierce, loyal to Heaven, and blind to love. This Castiel was confused, lost, and dying.

****

Cas screwed his eyes shut before dropping his gaze to the ground. “I’m sorry, Mary. I’ve failed you. I was supposed to protect Dean and I’ve done nothing of the sort. It’s my fault, all of Dean’s problems are my fault.” He was met with silence except for the breeze blowing through the trees.

He barely flinched as lighting suddenly flashed through the sky and thunder rumbled moments later. He paid no mind to the first raindrop that plopped onto his hand. He lifted his face to the sky and welcomed the wetness. Within seconds, the sky opened, and Cas was soaked through. His clothes stuck to his body and his trench coat was a sodden weight, but he didn’t care.

As soon as it started, the storm stopped. In its place, a colorful rainbow arced across the sky. Cas’ lips curved up at the corners as he took in the dazzling array of hues. “After the storm, there is always beauty,” Cas whispered into the air. He nodded his head in understanding.

Cas stood to his feet, a newfound confidence in his stride. Dean’s life had been dark up to this point, but there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Castiel just had to lead him there.

When he returned to the apartment, Cas was glad to see Dean was still gone. He hurried to the bathroom and stripped out of his wet clothes. He took a quick shower, sighing as the heat spread through his cold body. Once he was dressed, he settled on the couch once again. He grabbed his phone and dialed the number on the paper. He both wanted Sam to answer and for him to not to.

He let out the breath he had been holding when the call went to voicemail. “Hello, this is Sam Winchester. I can’t come to the phone right now. Please leave your name and a brief message and I will return your call as soon as possible.”

“Hello, Sam. My name is Castiel and I have been trying to find you so that I could speak to you. I am currently staying with your brother, Dean. He has been going through a rough time and I am trying to help him out. I know one thing he regrets is the way he let your relationship fall apart. Please, if you care for him, even a little bit, return my call.” Cas ended the call and fell back against the couch, feeling completely exhausted. He couldn’t fathom that a single phone call would be so stressful.

Just then, the door to the apartment opened and Dean walked in. “Hey, Cas!”

“Hello, Dean. Did you enjoy watching the game with Benny?” Cas inquired as he shoved his phone and the paper in his sweats’ pocket.

Dean sat on the couch, his thigh brushing against Cas’. “Heck yeah, I did! My Chiefs beat his Saints, so that’s always a plus. Oh, and guess what?”

“What?” Cas asked, a smile on his face at seeing Dean so happy.

“I didn’t drink a single beer! Benny didn’t even buy any, saying he was afraid to tempt me or something like that. That means I’ve only had one all day, Cas. How awesome is that?” Excitement was bubbling in Dean’s eyes as he spoke.

“That is very awesome, Dean. I’m glad Benny was considerate of your alcoholism. You really are doing an amazing job with curbing your intake. It’s barely been two weeks since we started the plan and you’ve surpassed my expectations,” Cas complimented.

Dean blushed. “Thanks, Cas! I can’t tell you how great I feel and not just about not drinking. I just feel better. I’m not tired or angry all the time. I feel… good, really good.”

Cas stared at Dean, their eyes locking with one another. “That’s wonderful, Dean. You have so many reasons to be happy right now. Things are really going good for you.”

“Yeah, and it’s all because of you, Cas. I don’t know why you decided to choose my sorry ass to help, but thank you,” Dean said sincerely as he stared into the oceans of Cas’ eyes.

 _“Maybe, I haven’t failed him,”_ Cas thought. He continued to stare at Dean, a large gummy smile on his face. “You called out to me, Dean, what else can I say? I knew you needed help and I knew I could be the one to help you.”

Cas flinched when he felt Dean’s hand rest on his knee. “You have no idea how thankful I am Cas. I don’t feel like a loser anymore.”

“You were never a loser, Dean. You were just lost,” Cas said softly as he let his hand rest on top of Dean’s.

As Dean leaned even closer, Cas was able to make out the specks of gold hiding in the forest depths of his eyes. “You found me, Cas.”

The angel felt Dean’s breath ghost over his lips. Cas’ eyes flicked to Dean’s lips. How easy it would be to close the gap and press his mouth to Dean’s, to finally get what he had been craving for weeks now. He whimpered as he turned his head, his eyes shut to keep the pain hidden. “I can’t, Dean.”

Cas felt as Dean shifted his weight back. “Of course not. Why would someone like you wanna be with someone like me?” Dean stood to his feet and started to walk off.

Castiel grabbed his wrist and forced Dean to look at him. “Dean, it’s not for the reasons you think! You are an amazing person and any person would be lucky to have you.”

Dean scoffed. “It’s fine, Cas. I get it. We’re just friends.” He jerked out of Cas’ grip and headed to his room.

“Well, that went great,” Cas muttered to himself. He jumped when his phone started ringing. He pulled it out, and his face blanched. Cas hurried to his room, not wanting Dean to hear the call. He pressed the green phone and said, “Hello.”

“Hi, is this, uh, Catsiel? I mean Casteel? Dammit,” the man cursed.

“Cas is fine.”

“Thank you. So, you’re Cas?”

“I am… and I’m assuming you’re Sam,” Cas replied.

“I am. How did you find me?” Sam asked skeptically.

“It’s a long story. The how doesn’t matter, it’s the why that counts,” Cas said as he sat on his bed.

“Look, Cas, Dean and I haven’t spoken in almost a decade and we didn’t part on good terms. I don’t know what you hope to accomplish, but I’m pretty sure that Dean and I… we’re never going to be brothers again.” Sam was trying to keep his voice flat, but Cas could hear the pain that was buried in it.

Cas sighed. “Sam, I don’t know what happened between you and Dean, but whatever it was, it caused Dean to spiral into a bottomless pit. He’s been dealing with alcoholism and depression and much more for years now. It all stems from your fight.”

The line was silent, and Cas checked to make sure Sam hadn’t hung up on him. “Part of it was my fault, but part of it was Dean’s too. Dean never admits his mistakes. He never admits when he’s wrong. All he had to do was apologize, Cas, and I would have forgiven him.”

“So, you’ve let your pride get between the two of you for years,” Cas growled. “You can sit there and say Dean is stubborn and doesn’t want to apologize, but it seems like you’re the same way. At least Dean will admit his faults.”

“You know what, Cas, I don’t need this! I don’t need some friend of Dean’s judging me when he doesn’t know a damn thing about me! If Dean is hanging around people like you, I can’t imagine he’s much better. Goodbye, Cas,” Sam said before ending the call.

Cas ground his teeth as he forced himself to not throw the phone against the wall like he wanted to. Apparently, Dean wasn’t the only stubborn Winchester. At this moment, he wished Sam had a guardian angel. They could at least help push Sam in the right direction.

Not every person on the planet had a guardian angel, there simply weren't enough angels. When an angel lost their charge, they were given a list of names to choose from. Nobody on the list was older than thirteen. If you didn’t receive a guardian angel by thirteen, you never would.

Castiel had broken protocol when he became Dean’s guardian. He should have either saved Mary or let her die and choose a new charge from a list given to him. He had switched his guardianship from Mary to Dean right there in the burning house. Michael had not been happy and had threatened Castiel with punishment if he stepped out of line again. Maybe that’s why Michael kept visiting Cas, to punish him.

Cas looked at his alarm clock and was surprised to see how late it was. At least he could sleep in the next morning. He plugged his phone into charge, used the bathroom, and brushed his teeth before crawling into bed.

Castiel woke the next morning to the smell of bacon frying. After a quick stop in the bathroom, he headed to the kitchen. Dean was standing at the stove, a pan full of bacon in front of him. There was a plate already on the table piled high with pancakes and another plate full of scrambled eggs.

“Is there a special occasion?” Cas asked as he headed to the coffee maker.

Dean jumped. “Shit, I don’t know how you can move so silently. I swear I’m gonna tie a bell to you one of these days.”

As Cas poured a cup of coffee, he replied, “I’m sorry, I’ll try and be louder when I walk.”

“Smartass,” Dean grumbled. He pulled the bacon from the pan and dropped it on a plate before setting it on the table. Dean took a seat and started loading his own plate with food.

Cas took a seat opposite him and filled a plate for himself. “Dean, is there a reason for making such a breakfast?”

“Geez, Cas, can’t we just have more than pop tarts or a granola bar? Does there always have to be a reason to have a decent breakfast?” Dean snapped as he put three pancakes on his plate.

“I’m sorry, Dean. You’re right. Thank you for making breakfast.”

They ate in silence, but it was tense and awkward. Dean kept his eyes on his food and refused to look at Cas. After asking a couple of questions and getting nothing more than a grunt in reply, Cas picked at his food quietly.

As soon as he was done, Dean stood to his feet, dropped his plate in the sink, and headed to his room. He returned a few minutes later fully dressed, his wallet and keys in his hand. “I’m going out for a little bit. I’ll be back later.”

Cas sat stunned in his chair. “Where are you going?”

Dean shrugged and walked out the kitchen. Cas chased after him and asked again, “Where are you going, Dean?”

“What does it matter to you, Cas? You told me we need to do separate things and to make our own friends, so that’s what I’m going to do. I don’t have to tell you everything, hell, I don’t have to tell you anything. I’ll be back in time for dinner, ok.” With that, Dean stormed out the door, not giving Cas a chance to respond.

Cas stared at the door, clueless as to what had transpired between the two of them. Dean had never treated him so harshly and he couldn’t understand why. When he realized Dean wasn’t coming back, he trudged to the kitchen. His appetite was gone, but he didn’t want to waste the food. He packed it up, deciding he would eat it for lunch when he got hungry. He washed the dishes and then headed to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

He decided to continue working on fixing up the kitchen. They had every cabinet freshly painted and all the electrical outlets and appliances were once again working. They had replaced the pantry door and painted the walls. They were supposed to pull up the old flooring and put fresh tile down but with Dean gone, there was no way Cas could do that on his own.

They had chosen to redo the backsplash tiling and Dean had shown him how the day before. Cas retrieved the necessary materials and got to work. He worked on his project until lunch. He reheated the pancakes, eggs, and bacon and ate in the kitchen by himself. He washed his dishes before finishing up the backsplash tiling. It was three in the afternoon by the time he was done. Cas admired his work, proud of what he had accomplished.

He took a shower and decided to start on a new book. He looked through Dean’s small collection and finally decided on _Slaughterhouse 5._ It was Dean’s favorite and he had recommended it to Cas a few times already. He took it to his room and curled up on his bed to read it.

He hardly moved until he heard a knock on the door. “Cas, I’m home. I got pizza. Come and eat.”

Cas shut the book and walked into the kitchen. Dean was staring at the new tiles. “Did I do something wrong?” Cas asked with uncertainty.

“No, it’s great. You did a really good job.” Cas watched as Dean’s shoulders slumped. When Dean turned around to look at him, hurt was plain to see on his face. “I’m sorry, Cas.”

Castiel tilted his head, his eyes squinted. “I don’t understand. What are you sorry about?”

Dean ran his hand through his hair. He moved until he was standing right in front of Cas. “For being such an asshole this morning. I was pissed at you and I was taking it out on you, too.”

“Why were you mad?” Cas asked, having no clue as to what he did.

Dean scoffed. “Are you really that clueless?”

“Dean, if this is an apology, it sucks.” Castiel deadpanned.

“I was pissed because you turned me down last night, Cas. Even when I was drunk off my ass, I could pick up somebody. I was as sober last night as I’ve been in years and you wouldn’t even kiss me.” Dean looked away. “That hurt, man.”

Cas licked his dry lips. “Dean, I don’t know what to say.”

Fire had replaced the despair in Dean’s eyes. “Why don’t you just tell me why?”

“I told you last night that I can’t.”

“Yeah, but why? You said it yourself, I’m doing a lot better. I could understand if it were a week ago, but why not now?” Dean pleaded with the man in front of him.

Cas shook his head. “We just can’t, Dean. There are things… things I want to tell you, but I can’t. Not now, anyways.”

Dean reached out with his hand, but Cas stepped away. “Please, Cas, tell me. Whatever it is, I can handle it.”

“As your friend, I’m asking you to please drop it, Dean. Please, just accept that we can’t be together. I don’t want to hurt you,” Cas said in barely more than a whisper.

Dean’s expression turned stony. “It’s too late for that. I thought going out and getting laid today would help, but it didn’t. I still feel for you and you don’t care about me.”

“I care about you, Dean! More than you can even imagine. Us being together has nothing to do with me not caring about you,” Cas nearly shouted.

“But apparently, that’s not enough. What more could I do, Cas? I’m taking care of my alcoholism, I got a job, I got Baby back, and the apartment is looking better than it has in months. What more could I do to convince you?” Dean’s eyes were brimming with unshed tears.

“I can’t tell you,” Cas replied, looking away. He couldn’t be/ar to see the anguish on Dean’s face. He stared at the wall as he said, “I can leave if I need to. If me being here is too hard, then I’ll leave.”

“No. This is your home as much as it is mine. I need you, Cas, even if it is just as a friend. I just need some time to work through this is all.” Dean huffed. “For once, there’s a problem you can’t help me with.”

Cas, who still wasn’t looking at Dean, heard him grab the pizza box and walk away. When he was alone, he mumbled aloud, “No, I am the problem. You want to know what you could do? You could keep me from dying; maybe then we could be together.” Cas wiped at the few tears that rolled down his cheek. Like this morning, his appetite had vanished. He headed to his room and didn’t come out for the rest of the night.

The following day, Dean and Cas avoided each other. Well, Dean avoided Cas much as possible. When Cas got up to get ready for work, Dean had already left to check in with Benny. When Cas got home, there was a note on the table saying Dean was hanging out with Jo for the night and for Cas to not wait up for him. Cas had a TV dinner and afterwards piled all his clothes in a basket and went to do the laundry.

Not wanting to go back to an empty apartment, Cas stayed in the laundry room and read his book. He looked up when he heard another person walk in. He smiled at Ms. Mosley.

“Hello, Castiel. It’s been a while since I ran into you,” she said as she started throwing clothes into a washing machine.

“Hello, Ms. Mosley Yes, I got a job at the Roadhouse diner since being a repairman wasn’t really my thing.” Cas replied as he closed his book.

“Please, Castiel, call me Missouri. Oh yes, I think I remember Dean mentioning that when he was working on my bathroom a few days ago. How are you doing?” She asked.

“I’m ok. I enjoy working at the diner and Dean’s apartment is coming along nicely.” Cas answered.

After adding some laundry detergent and starting the machine, Missouri came and sat next to him. She patted his knee as she said, “Castiel, that’s not what I’m talking about. The glow of your grace around you is very dim.”

Cas let his gaze fall to the floor. “I’m Falling faster than I thought. My grace is becoming more and more depleted. I probably only have a few weeks left before it’s gone completely.”

“I guess that’s why I found this on the floor?” She held up a single black feather.

Cas’ eyes widened at seeing one of his primary feathers in her hand. He reached out and took it from her, cradling it in his palms. He couldn’t hold back the sob that escaped his throat.

Wings were an angel’s pride and joy. They were an angel’s greatest weapon and their greatest beauty. As long as he had his wings, Cas could handle a fading grace. His Falling was only confirmed more. If he was already starting to lose feathers, his grace was weaker than he had thought. Castiel’s grace sustained his wings and it was now becoming too weak to continue doing so.

“I’m dying, Missouri,” Cas cried as he stared at the feather.

“Oh honey, is there nothing that can be done to save you?” She asked as she slid an arm around his shoulders.

Cas shook his head, a few tears falling onto the plumage in his hands. “It’s a death sentence Missouri. A body simply can’t handle the transition from angel grace to human soul.”

“Did you know this?”

“Yes,” Cas whimpered. “My superior told me, of course. He also said I would have months but Missouri, it’s only been a couple of weeks. If I’m already losing feathers, my grace is fading even faster than I thought.”

“Have you told Dean any of this?” She asked as she stroked her hand up and down his back.

“No,” Cas said, shaking his head. “I can’t. He’s doing so well, Missouri, I can’t ruin that for him.”

“What do you think will happen when he comes home to find you gone? He deserves to know. Just like he deserves to know how you really feel about him,” she said sternly.

Cas gaped at her. “You know that I care about Dean?”

“Honey, what you feel for that boy is love. Dean hasn’t had a lot of that in his life. He could use a little loving.”

“I can’t. Not now. I’m dying, it wouldn’t be fair to him,” Cas argued.

“Better to have loved than never loved at all, Cas. If he knows how you truly feel, maybe after you’re gone, that will give Dean something to hold onto. He’s going to need something when you’re gone, Castiel,” Missouri said softly.

“He will, he’ll have his friends and hopefully, he’ll have his brother. They’ll be there for him when I no longer can be.” Cas stood up and went to the dryer and started pulling clothes from it. He looked at Missouri and said, “Thank you for the advice.”

Missouri frowned at him. “You aren’t going to listen to it, are you?”

Cas shook his head. “I can’t. Dean’s been through enough heartache, I won’t add to it.” He set the feather on top of the clothes and headed back upstairs.

When he returned to the apartment, he put the feather in the drawer of his nightstand. He then folded and put away his clothes. It wasn’t even ten yet, but he was exhausted. The instant his head hit the pillow, he slipped into a fitful sleep.

Cas woke the next morning, still feeling tired. Nightmares had plagued him throughout the night, and he had woken up multiple times. He had bags under his eyes and his hair was sticking up at all angles as he trudged into the kitchen.

Dean looked up from the table and concern flooded his features. “Cas, dude, are you ok?”

“I didn’t sleep very well last night.” He pulled a cup from the cabinet and filled it with coffee, hoping the Caffeine would help wake him up. He grabbed a granola bar from the box on the counter and took a seat opposite of Dean.

“Everything ok? Anything you want to talk about,” Dean asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Nightmares, lots of them,” Cas replied.

“Ok, what were they about?”

Cas stared into his coffee. “I… died… a different way in each nightmare.”

Dean’s eyebrows shot into his hair. “Shit, no wonder you’re exhausted! Why the hell would you dream about that?”

“I don’t know. Overactive mind, I guess,” Cas lied.

“It doesn’t have anything to do with me does it? I know I’ve been an ass the past couple of days.”

“Dean, it’s not your fault. Although, I am glad you’re talking to me today.” Cas smiled at him over his cup.

“Yeah, Jo and I had a pretty long talk last night. I’m sorry for pushing you and then walking out on you like I did. It wasn’t fair to you. If you don’t want to be with me or aren’t ready or whatever the reason is, then I need to accept that. Our friendship means too much to me to lose you because I can’t keep my feelings in check.” Dean had kept eye contact with Cas the entire time, wanting him to see how sincere Dean truly was.

“Thank you, Dean. That means a lot. Our friendship means everything to me.” Cas thought about what Missouri had said. He couldn’t tell Dean the whole truth about how he felt, but maybe he could tell him something. He slid his arm across the table and laid his hand atop Dean’s. “I do care about you, Dean, a lot. There are just circumstances that are keeping us from being more than friends. I wish I could tell you and maybe, one day, I will. But for now, we just can’t be more than friends.”

Dean nodded. “I get it, Cas. I do.” He checked his watch. “Shit, we gotta get going or we’re both gonna be late for work.”

The two men scrambled to their rooms to get dressed before cramming themselves in the bathroom to brush their teeth. Cas looked at his watch and grit hit teeth. “Dammit, I’m gonna be late no matter what. It’s a fifteen-minute walk and I only have ten minutes to get there.”

“Here, take Baby, but you get one scratch on her and you’re dead.” Dean tossed the keys to Cas.

“Thank you, Dean. I will take the utmost care of her. I’ll see you after work. I’ll bring home burgers if you want.” Cas said as he rushed to the door.

“Hell yeah, and pie! Don’t forget the pie,” Dean called just as the door shut behind Cas.

Cas ran into the Roadhouse just as the clock struck nine. Jo smirked at him, “Cutting it a little close, Cas.”

Cas glared at her. “Dean and I were talking, and we lost track of time.”

“So, what did you guys talk about?” She asked with a knowing grin.

“He apologized for the way he’s been acting and said that our friendship is more important than being mad at me. I guess I have you to thank for that. I told him I do care about him, but we just can’t be together,” Cas explained as he tied his apron around his waist.

“Why not? What’s stopping you?”

Cas tucked his pens and notebook in his apron pocket. “It doesn’t matter, Jo, we just can’t.”

At that moment, the first customer of the day walked in. Cas hurried off to help them, glad for an excuse to not have to talk to Jo any longer. The rest of the day passed quickly and before Cas knew it, five-o-clock had rolled around. While he waited for his order to cook, he counted up his tips and clocked out.

“See you tomorrow, Jo. Have a good night,” he called as he walked towards the exit.

“See ya, have a good night!”

When Cas walked into the apartment, Dean was sitting at the table nursing a beer and holding a bag of ice to his eye. Cas set the food down before walking over to Dean. “What happened?”

Dean winced as he pulled the bag away from his face. His eye was partially closed, and the surrounding area was black and blue. “Next time, I’ll make sure my toolbox isn’t teetering on the edge of the counter.”

“Oh my, Dean, are you ok?” Cas asked, his voice full of concern.

“Yeah, just hurts like a son of a bitch. The ice isn’t helping all that much.” Dean grimaced as pain shot through his face.

“Well, ice is more to help reduce swelling rather than take pain away. Have you taken any Ibuprofen?” Cas pulled up a chair so he could examine Dean’s eye better. He gently prodded at the skin.

“Ow, Cas, that fucking hurts,” Dean shouted. “Yeah, I took two pills a while ago, but they aren’t doing much to help with the pain.”

“I’m sorry, Dean. I’m pressing as lightly as I can. I’m trying to make sure you don’t have a broken bone. How long ago did this happen?” Cas asked as he sat back.

Dean shrugged. “About an hour ago. Benny told me to see how I feel tomorrow and if I’m hurting too badly to take the day off.”

Cas eyed Dean warily. “You could take a couple more pain pills if you want. Your face is going to hurt something awful tomorrow. It will probably be a good idea to stay home, but you’re stubborn enough to work through the pain.”

“You know me.” Dean chuckled.

“Yes, I do,” Cas said as he rolled his eyes. “I got us dinner if you’re up to eating.”

“Cas, I’m always up to eating. You remembered the pie, right?”

Cas frowned. “Dammit, I knew I was forgetting something. I’m afraid I did forget the pie.”

Dean’s face fell. He looked more upset than a child who had lost their puppy. “Cas, buddy, you had one job. Just one, to bring home pie.”

Cas pulled two Styrofoam trays out of the bag. He put one in front of Dean and the other in front of his own seat. He then reached back in the bag and pulled out a third box. He set it down and slid it over to Dean.

Dean looked between Cas and the box. “What’s this?”

“Open it.”

Dean flipped the top off and his face lit up like the lights on a Christmas tree. “You brought home an entire pie?”

“I told Ellen this morning I was taking dinner home and that you wanted pie. She made this especially for you since she knows cherry is your favorite,” Cas explained as he grabbed two sodas from the fridge. He took a seat and passed one over to Dean.

“Cas, you’re awesome! Nobody has ever bought me an entire pie before!” Dean went to stand up, but Cas stopped him.

“You will eat your dinner first before you eat dessert,” Cas warned.

“Seriously! Just one bite?” Dean begged.

“No,” Cas said flatly. “Now sit down and eat your burger and fries. Then you can have an ungodly amount of pie.”

Once the burgers were done, Dean grabbed silverware and plates. He cut a piece for Cas and slid the plate over to him. He then cut a piece for himself which was twice the size of Cas’. He shoved a forkful in his mouth and moaned. “This is delicious.”

“You have an unhealthy love of pie Dean.” Cas took a much smaller bite of the pie. It was delicious, but he wasn’t going to make sex sounds about a dessert.

“There’s worse things to be addicted to, Cas. Trust me I know,” Dean replied before taking another bite of pie.

“That is true. I think if I had to curb your pie addiction, it would have been a lost cause,” Cas joked.

“Yep, there’s no way I’d give up pie,” Dean agreed.

After they had finished their pie, Dean asked, “Cas, what if we got a TV?”

“I’m not sure if we can afford a TV. I’d have to check the budget,” Cas replied.

“I don’t see why we couldn’t. You’ve still got, like fifteen hundred bucks plus we’ll both be getting a paycheck in a few days. We should have enough extra money to be able to afford a TV. I could get a Netflix subscription and we could watch TV at night instead of just reading or fixing this place up.”

“I guess you’re right. I don’t know how much either of our paychecks will be, though. I have to edit the budget but can’t do that without knowing how much we will be making,” Cas replied.

Dean sighed as he looked at Cas, slightly annoyed with the other man. “We don’t have to buy a super expensive TV. If I could afford to buy you a phone, we can afford a TV. C’mon, live a little. Do something spontaneous without checking the budget for once.”

Cas finally gave in. “Alright, let’s go get a TV.”

“Yes,” Dean cried as he pumped his fist into the air.

Cas fought to not laugh at Dean’s childlike enthusiasm. After a quick trip to Walmart, there was a new TV in the living room. As soon as it was set up, Dean had gotten a Netflix subscription. He and Cas were now watching one of Dean’s favorite shows: Dr. Sexy MD.

Cas found the medical inaccuracies amusing while Dean thought the leading doctor was sexy because of his cowboy boots. “Honestly, Dean, what kind of doctor wears cowboy boots?”

“Uh, the sexy kind, obviously,” Dean replied jokingly.

“Why am I friends with you?” Cas asked, shaking his head at Dean’s ridiculousness.

“Because I’ve got a great personality and an awesome car,” Dean replied without missing a beat.

“The car is certainly awesome. The personality needs some work,” Cas said with a smirk.

Cas laughed when Dean flipped him the bird. They watched TV for a couple hours before they headed to bed. When Cas woke up the next morning, he checked his phone and was surprised to see a new voicemail.

“Hey Cas, it’s Sam. I’ve had some time to think and you were right. I want to talk to my brother.”

The phone fell from Cas’ hand with a thump.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam calls Cas back and Cas is determined to get the brothers to talk to one another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, finally another chapter. Sorry it took so long, school started back so that means I had to go back to work. That means a lot less writing time for me. Not to mention, this chapter really didn't write itself and I had to fight with it to get it finished. Hope it will be worth the wait.  
> Also, many thanks to my wonderful friend and artist notwithd for her amazing artwork!  
> A shout out to my awesome friend and beta lonewolf34500!

Cas jumped at the sudden knock on his door. “Cas, you ok in there? I heard a thud.”

He grabbed his phone off the floor before opening the door. “Sorry, dropped my phone. How’s your eye?”

Dean’s eye and the area surrounding it was a mottled blue, black, and purple. Dean poked the skin gently and flinched. “Still hurts like a son of a bitch. I’m gonna go talk to Benny and see what he wants me to do. I’ll be back in a few minutes. Could you start a pot of coffee?”

“Yeah, no problem.” Cas headed to the kitchen while Dean walked out the apartment.

He was sitting at the table when Dean returned. Dean grabbed a cup of coffee and a granola bar before taking a seat. He took a sip of the hot liquid then said, “Well, I’m off for the day. Benny said he’d rather play it careful even if it’s just a black eye.”

“I can understand that. That means no doing work around the apartment today. Take it easy, watch more of your doctor show,” Cas said as he took a bite of his pop tart.

Dean rolled his eyes. “Yes mom. Is there anything you would like me to take care of while you’re at work?”

“Hmm, can you check what we need for groceries. We’ll have to go shopping this weekend. Otherwise, just relax. You can cook dinner if you want or we can just do a microwave meal, up to you,” Cas explained as he stood up to refill his cup.

“What do you want for dinner? I’m kind of in the mood for tacos.” Dean smiled as he thought about dinner.

“Tacos sound good. You’ll have to take some hamburger meat out, so don’t forget,” Cas reminded.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll take some out while you’re getting dressed. Did you want me to drive you to work so you don’t have to walk?” Dean asked as he ate the last bite of his granola bar.

Cas shook his head. “No, I enjoy my walks to and from work, but thank you for the offer.” He walked out the kitchen and headed to the bathroom. Once he was dressed for work, he grabbed his wallet and finished the last of his coffee.

Dean was still sitting at the table, but Cas smiled when he saw a pack of hamburger sitting in the sink. “I’ll see you after work. Enjoy your day off.”

“Thanks, enjoy your shift,” Dean called as Cas exited the apartment.

Cas’ day was very uneventful, not even a rude customer to liven things up. When he walked back into the apartment later that night, he grinned at the spicy aroma wafting through the air. He made a beeline for the kitchen, suddenly ravenous. Dean was just sliding the taco meat onto a plate as Cas walked into the kitchen.

“Hey, how was your day?” Dean asked as he set the plate on the table.

Cas huffed. “Boring. I mean nothing happened today,” he answered as he pulled a soda from the fridge.

“Grab me one too. That sucks, although it’s better than a day full of rude people.” Dean finished setting the table and took a seat.

Cas passed the extra can over to Dean as he took his own seat. “I guess that’s true, but even a rude customer would have been welcome.”

They started fixing their tacos to their preferred preference. Cas liked meat and rice on his along with tomatoes, lettuce, onions, cheese, salsa, and sour cream. Dean’s lacked the salsa and sour cream but otherwise was the same. They were mostly quiet during dinner, only speaking when one of them needed a dish passed to them.

Afterwards, they cleaned the kitchen before settling on the couch. “How’s your eye?” Cas asked as he studied Dean’s bruise. It wasn’t as swollen as it had been that morning.

Dean shrugged as he grabbed the TV remote. “Still hurts like a son of a bitch especially if I do anything to stretch it. Benny told me to take tomorrow off if I needed to, but I kind of hope I don’t have to. I was bored all on my own without you here to talk to.”

Dean found the episode of Dr. Sexy they had stopped at the previous night and pulled it up. “Did you make the shopping list?” Cas asked, getting more comfortable on the couch.

“Yeah, but that only took me like fifteen minutes. I mean I watched movies off and on, but I’ve gotten used to working again.” Dean propped a pillow against Cas’ thigh before laying down and resting his head on it.

Absentmindedly, Cas slipped his fingers into Dean’s hair and started lightly scratching at his scalp. “I get what you mean. I would find a day at the apartment on my own with nothing to do extremely boring as well. Hopefully, you will feel well enough tomorrow.”

Dean smiled at his friend as he pushed his head harder against Cas’ fingers. “Mmm, that feels so good.”

Cas pulled his hand back as if he had been burned. “I’m sorry, Dean, I didn’t realize I was doing it. I swear I’m not trying to send you mixed signals.”

Dean frowned. “It’s fine Cas. Totally just a platonic head massage that I would love if you continued with.”

“Fine,” Cas sighed as he started trailing his fingers through Dean’s thick hair again.

For the next hour, they watched TV. They jumped when Cas’ phone started ringing. Besides Dean, nobody had ever called Cas. Dean looked at Cas curiously as he pulled his phone out. “Who is it?”

Cas checked the number and blanched. He quickly got up from the couch, ignoring Dean’s grumbling and rushed to his room. “Sam, hello.”

“Hi Cas. I was wondering if you got my message.”

Cas fell onto the bed. “Yes, I did, but I didn’t see it until this morning, and I had work today. I was watching TV with Dean and forgot to return your call. I apologize.”

Castiel heard a chair scrape against tile before Sam said, “I understand. If I’m interrupting something, I can call back later.”

“Hey, everything ok?” Dean called as he knocked on the bedroom door.

“Yes, everything is fine. It’s, uh, Ellen,” Cas lied. “I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

“Ok, tell her I said hi.”

Cas waited a few seconds to give Dean a chance to move away from the door. “Sorry, Sam. Dean doesn’t know I’ve been in contact with you.”

There was a pause before Sam finally replied. “I see. So, it wasn’t Dean’s idea to contact me. I figured as much.”

Cas sighed into the phone. “No, it wasn’t. I’ve tried to get him to call you, but he refuses. He says that there’s not a chance you will want to talk to him. I’m hoping I can prove him wrong.”

“What do you want from me Castiel? If Dean doesn’t want to talk to me, what do you hope to accomplish?” Sam asked angrily.

“I’m hoping that if you reach out to him, he will talk to you. He’s too stubborn to take the first step, so I thought maybe you would,” Castiel explained.

Sam huffed before saying, “Always having to pick up after my brother. Do you even know why we haven’t spoken to each other in so long?”

Castiel did know why, but he wanted to hear Sam’s side of the story. “No, he refuses to talk about it, Sam” Cas jumped when his door was pushed open and saw Dean standing there, an angry scowl on his face.

“Talking to Ellen, huh?” Dean asked, venom lacing his voice. “I thought I told you I have no desire to talk to my brother.”

“Dean, just give him a chance,” Cas begged.

“He doesn’t care, Castiel! He hasn’t cared about me since he went off to California and left me behind,” Dean shouted at his friend.

“That’s not true,” Sam’s voice echoed through the phone. Cas put the call on speaker. “I have always cared about you and I tried to keep in touch with you after I went to college, but you were the one who didn’t want to talk to me! I got tired of trying and then after what you said, I didn’t want to keep in contact with you.”

“If you cared, you would have never gone to California in the first place! You had a chance to go to college here in Kansas with me and instead you chose to move across the country as far from me as possible!” There was no doubt Dean was furious, but Cas could hear the hurt in his voice as well.

“I told you Stanford was my dream! As my brother, you should have been supportive of me! Instead you said I was dead to you,” Sam seethed.

Dean’s whole frame was shaking as he hollered, “YOU LEFT ME!”

“ENOUGH! Both of you,” Castiel yelled. “Dean, kitchen, now!”

Dean scowled at him but did as he was told. Cas followed him and waited for Dean to take a seat. He set the phone on the table. “Dean, you are going to listen to Sam’s side of the story, and you are not going to interrupt him. When he’s done, then you will tell your side and Sam will not interrupt you. Am I understood?”

“Whatever,” Dean snarked.

Cas sighed but said, “Sam, go ahead.”

“My dream was always to go to Stanford; they have an amazing law program and it’s far away from Kansas.” Dean started to say something but shut up at the glare he received from Cas. “So, I applied without Dean knowing. Dean wanted me to go to KU and I understand why because it was close to home, but I didn’t want to.

I also received a full scholarship from Stanford, but I didn’t receive anything from KU. I know Dean was working extra shifts to save up money for me for college, but the truth is, I didn’t want him to. Dean always took care of me, I wanted to do something on my own, to prove that I could take care of myself. Not only that, Dean deserved a chance to be able to spend the money on himself. I saw how hard he worked just to make ends meet. Even with a full paycheck and a careful budget, I know there were times that Dean would go without eating just so I could. I wanted to quit being a burden to him.”

Cas looked at Dean and he was listening with rapt attention. Dean looked at him and shook his head. He mouthed the words, “He was never a burden.” Cas held his fingers to his lips, silently telling Dean to keep quiet.

Sam kept talking. “And, I just needed to get away. There were a lot of bad memories from my childhood. Our dad was awful Castiel and I hated him. He left us on our own all the time and expected Dean to take care of us. We were kids, how could he do that? Dean gave up his childhood to take care of me and that wasn’t fair to him.

I finally confronted our dad one day while Dean was gone. I asked him why he had been so absent and why he didn’t care about us and you know what he said? He said it was my fault, told me that I ruined everything, and I was the reason mom was dead. Apparently, she got caught in my bedroom in the fire. Dad found her and begged her to leave me behind. Instead, she gave me to dad, told him to save me, and then come back for her. He said mom would still be alive if it wasn’t for me. He told me that Dean not having a childhood was my fault, that he should have just let me die. Dad was never home because he couldn’t stand to look at me. My own father hated me and blamed me for my mom’s death.”

Cas was startled when Dean threw the chair backwards. He had fury burning in his eyes. He grabbed a beer from the fridge but instead of drinking it, he threw it against the far wall. Cas flinched as the glass shattered and the brown liquid splashed everywhere. “That son of a bitch,” Dean shouted. He stood at the counter, gripping it so tightly his fingers were white.

Sam made sure Dean was done before continuing. “Dad left enough food and money for Dean, not for me. He hoped Dean would be a typical selfish kid and keep it all for himself, causing me to starve. Dean of course put me first and let himself suffer. When Dad saw that, he refused to come to the apartment more than what was absolutely necessary. He wanted me dead but didn’t want to be the one to do it.”

Cas looked at Dean and could see the fury and pain rolling off his shoulders in waves. Listening to Sam was harder than Cas could have imagined. He would have never fathomed that John wanted Sam dead.

“I saw Dean continue to sacrifice for me for college and I refused to let it keep happening. So, I decided to go to college as far away as possible so that Dean could finally live his own life. He wouldn’t have to worry about me any longer.

The last time Dean and I talked, he begged me to come back home, but I refused. I couldn’t come back. For the first time in my life, I no longer felt like a burden to anyone. I wasn’t depending on anybody to feed me or buy me things. Dean could finally just take care of himself.

I knew he was mad, but I thought after a little bit of time, he would be ok. Even when he told me if I didn’t come home, I was… dead to him, I knew I couldn’t. Dean, you spent your whole life looking after me. You gave up everything for me. I just didn’t want you to have to do that anymore. I just wanted you to have your own life even if it meant never seeing you again.” Sam finally fell silent.

“Thank you, Sam, for telling us. I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that. You didn’t deserve it. I hope you’re doing better now,” Cas said into the silence.

“I am. Dean, say something.” Sam pleaded.

Dean turned around and Cas could see a few tears rolling down his cheeks. “What do you want me to say? That I’m sorry because I am. That I’m a total asshole of a brother because I am. It was my job to protect you and I failed you.”

“Dean,” Sam huffed. “That’s the point that I’m trying to make. It was never your job to protect me. It was our dad’s job to protect us and he failed, not you. You should have never had to give up half the things you did for me. That wasn’t fair to you.”

“I didn’t care! You’re my brother, I would have done anything for you! Do you know how many times I blamed myself when you had to go hungry or I couldn’t afford something that you wanted? My whole world was you,” Dean said, his voice thick with emotion.

“Don’t you see how wrong that is,” Sam interjected. “We were kids Dean! Your whole world should have been movies and cars and the girl or guy you were dating, not your little brother. I hated that you gave so much up for me. I just wanted to not be a burden to you for once.”

Dean shook his head. “You were never a burden to me. I hated dad as much as you did, and I blamed him for how shit our childhood was, but I never ever blamed you, not even when you went to college. If I had been more than just a grunt mechanic, maybe you wouldn’t have been embarrassed by me. Maybe if I had been smarter, you wouldn’t have been ashamed of me. There were dozens of reasons why I blamed myself for you leaving. And even though I was furious at you, even when I said you were… dead to me, I still blamed myself. Even now, I blame myself.”

Cas stood and walked over to Dean. He pulled the distraught human into his arms. “Dean, you can’t blame yourself for your father’s actions. What he did to you and Sam is on his shoulders, not yours. You did a phenomenal job raising Sam and you have nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Cas is right, Dean. I was never embarrassed by you being a mechanic and you are super smart, more so than half the people I know. I should have told you about dad, but I believed him. I thought if I did tell you what he said then you’d agree with him, too. I’d rather have you hate me because I left than hate me like he did,” Sam’s speech ended on a whisper.

“Sam, I could never hate you like dad did. I’m sorry for saying what I did. Even though we haven’t spoken for years, I’ve never stopped thinking about you. I’ve wanted to get in touch with you, but I was afraid to. I was afraid you really didn’t want to ever see me again. It was easier not knowing,” Dean wrapped his arms tighter around Cas’ waist, needing the comfort he was offering.

“I could have reached out just as easily as you could have. We were both to blame. I forgive you for everything. You’re my brother.” Sam’s voice was shaky with tears.

“I forgive you for everything. You’ll always be my brother and I love you. I just want to move past this,” Dean said as he pulled away from Cas so he could walk over to the table and pick the phone up.

“Maybe I could come visit? I could be there in a couple of days. My boss has been telling me I need to take a vacation. What do you say?” Sam asked, his voice full of hope.

“I say get your ass here ASAP. I can’t wait to see you…bitch.”

“It’ll be great to see you too, jerk. And, Dean, I love you too.”

They talked for a few more minutes to make plans for Sam’s impending visit. When they finally ended the call, Dean was smiling like an idiot. He stared at Cas’ phone disbelievingly, as if the last half hour were nothing more than a dream.

He headed to the living room to give Cas his phone back. He smiled when he saw the man sprawled out, sound asleep. He grabbed the blanket from Cas’ room and spread it over him. As he was tucking the blanket around Cas, his hand brushed against something. He wrapped his fingers around the object and pulled it from where it was squished between Cas and the couch. Dean stared curiously at the large black feather in his hand.

“What the hell?” Dean asked under his breath. He slid a finger against the soft plume and couldn’t help but wonder why Cas had this and where the hell he got it from. Once he had Cas tucked in, he headed to the bedroom, the feather clutched in his hand. He sat on the bed and stared at the feather some more. It was huge, almost the length of his forearm. It was black but had a light iridescence to it that caused it to shimmer when the light hit it. Dean didn’t have a clue about what kind of bird would have a feather such as this.

He finally set the feather on his nightstand before plugging his phone in and setting the alarm. He stripped down to his boxers before laying in bed, staring at the ceiling. He thought about everything that had happened over the past few weeks. His life had made a complete one-eighty. Ever since Sam left, Dean had wandered miserably through life aimlessly. Growing up, taking care of his little brother had been his purpose and once Sam left, Dean had no idea how to move on.

He had hated how much of a drunk his father had been but after his first couple of beers made the hurt of losing Sam go away, Dean became addicted. He tried to limit himself at first so that he could still attempt to be a functioning adult but after he lost his job, Dean had spiraled even further. It seemed that life kept throwing problem after problem at him and the alcohol was the only thing that eased the hurt even though it didn’t make it go away. Before Dean knew it, he was drinking a six pack a day. He had known his alcoholism was a problem, but he had driven anybody who would care about him away.

Until Cas had come along. Just like his mother’s statue, Cas was Dean’s personal guardian angel. Cas had come into Dean’s life and managed to turn everything around. Now, Dean could go a whole day without drinking. Dean had an apartment that was almost fully restored and looked better than ever. He had a job and had been reunited with his brother all thanks to Cas, a stranger who for some reason cared about Dean.

Dean just wished he knew how much Cas cared about him. He knew what his own feelings for the other man were. In the few weeks they had known each other, Dean had fallen in love. Cas was amazing in so many ways and Dean never wanted to imagine a moment when Cas wasn’t a part of his life. He knew Cas liked him but there was something that was keeping them from being together. He wanted to know what that something was because maybe then they could be more than just friends.

As Dean thought about Cas, he could feel his blood running south into his cock. He thought about Cas’ deep voice whispering sweet nothings into his ear while his big hands ran up and down Dean’s body. His cock plumped up even more. He imagined what Cas’ fingers and even his tongue would feel like sliding in and out of his hole, striking against his prostate.

Dean pushed his underwear down and pulled his cock out. With a few strokes, he was fully erect and a drop of precum dribbled from the slit. “Cas,” he moaned as pleasure streaked through his bloodstream. Dean gripped his cock tighter, imaging it was Cas’ own hand that was pumping his flesh. He thrust his hips up, seeking more friction against his hardened flesh. “Cas, more, please,” he whimpered as more precum beaded up.

Dean could feel the fire building in his stomach as he sped his hand up. He wished Cas were there with him, maybe he would be willing to blow Dean. With the thought of Cas sucking him down, Dean came with a shout. He continued to pump his softening cock until the sensations became too much. He shimmied out of his boxers and used them to wipe the cum from his stomach. He dropped them to the floor before rolling over. He was sound asleep in seconds.

A few days later found Dean practically bouncing off the walls and it was taking all of Cas’ patience to not yell at the man. He knew Dean was excited for Sam to be visiting, but Dean was driving him crazy. He checked the time every five seconds and couldn’t sit still for longer than a minute before he was up pacing the room again. He had asked Cas a dozen times already if they could just head to the airport in case Sam’s flight arrived early.

After the tenth time of Dean asking, Cas finally snapped. “No, we can’t leave early! We still have seven hours before Sam’s plane should get here. It’s bad enough with you here at the apartment, I have no desire to see you act like this at the airport.”

“Excuse me for being a nuisance. I’m sorry that I’m really excited to see my brother for the first time in almost a decade,” Dean growled before walking to his room, slamming the door behind him.

Castiel rubbed at his eyes, still tired from the day before. The Roadhouse was always busy on Fridays, but yesterday had been horrible. All day long there had been a waiting line of people and as soon as one party left, another was sitting down. His only break for the day had been his lunch break. Cas had hoped to catch up on sleep since it was his day off, but instead Dean had woken him early in his excitement of seeing Sam later that day.

Cas pushed himself off the couch and trudged into the kitchen for a third cup of coffee, hoping the caffeine would kick in soon. He smiled as he looked at the brand-new floor. He and Dean had managed to get it retiled over the past few nights. They were both ecstatic that the kitchen was finally done.

Cas was even more ecstatic at completing another item on his personal list of things to fix in Dean’s life. Now that the kitchen and living room were completely restored, they only had the bathroom and the two bedrooms. The bathroom had a decent amount of work to do on it while the bedrooms only needed minor repairs. Another week and they would have the entire apartment refurbished which Cas was glad of.

Over the past few days, Cas had lost even more feathers. Thankfully, the majority of them had been lost at night and only a few sporadic ones had fallen out during the day. Cas’ grace was weakening more and more with every passing day. His grace was now too weak to regulate his body temperature and he had learned he hated being cold. He had grabbed an extra blanket from the hall closet because he got cold during the night. Cas figured he had maybe two more weeks at most before his grace was completely gone and he ceased to exist.

After getting his coffee, he headed to his room, hoping to get a few more hours of sleep. He drank the cup down before crawling into bed and closing his eyes. When Cas woke again, he checked the clock to see that it was a little after two. He sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

He sighed heavily at the dull feathers that were laying haphazardly in the bed and on the floor. Cas gathered the dozen feathers and left them in a pile on the mattress as he slid from the bed and went to stand in front of his dresser. He looked at his reflection in the dresser’s mirror and with a thought, Cas’s wings materialized behind him.

A sob escaped him as he stared at his reflection. His wings were no longer a bright lustrous black, instead they were dull and dingy. His once thick plumage was now thin and barely covered the frames of his wings. He was filled with misery as he looked at the feathers that remained, now crumpled and matted. Cas wrapped a wing around his body and ran gentle fingers through the tangled plumage. He pulled out another handful of feathers without even trying.

Cas was so overcome with distress that tears couldn’t even fall. He had once been a great warrior of Heaven. He had fought in battles and his wings had been strong enough to shield him from spears and swords. Now, Cas looked like he had spent years being tortured by the very demons he had battled against.

In a moment of weakness, Castiel cursed his feelings for Dean. He was furious that he had grown so fond of his charge that he was willing to lose everything. Michael was right, Castiel was weak and stupid. How could he have thought that a human was worth dying for.

A sudden knock on his door broke him from his thoughts. He hid his wings and stuffed the feathers in the top drawer of his dresser haphazardly, a few sticking out the drawer. He opened the door to see Dean standing there rubbing at the back of his neck. “Hey Cas, I just wanted to apologize. You were right, I need to calm down. You wanna watch a movie to pass the time?”

Cas’ lips curved up in a small smile. “It’s ok, Dean. I’m sorry for snapping at you. You have every right to be excited and I shouldn’t try and take that away from you.”

Dean waved him off. “It’s cool. C’mon, how about we watch Deadpool?”

“That’s the one with the guy who cusses nonstop and kills a lot of people, right?” Cas asked.

Dean laughed at Cas’ description. “Yeah, that’s the one. So, you game?”

“Yeah, just give me a minute and I’ll be right out.”

“Cool. You want anything out of the kitchen? I’m gonna grab a drink and pop a bowl of popcorn.”

“Grab me something to drink, please. I’ll just steal some of your popcorn,” Cas replied with a grin.

“You always steal my popcorn,” Dean grumbled. Cas just rolled his eyes as Dean headed towards the kitchen.

Cas walked into the bathroom and splashed some water on his face. As he stared at himself, he realized that Michael was wrong. Dean was worth saving and if Cas’ life were the price to be paid then he would gladly pay it. Cas had lived for billions of years; Dean at least deserved to live a normal human life where he was happy.

Feeling better, Cas walked to the living room and flopped onto the couch. He sat close enough to Dean that he could sneak a handful of popcorn every now and again. After the movie, they got dressed and finally made their way towards the airport. Dean’s excitement was in full force and he was dancing on the balls of his feet as he waited for Sam. Cas rolled his eyes but said nothing else. He knew nothing would be able to calm Dean down until Sam arrived.

They waited for about ten minutes when Dean suddenly grabbed Cas’ hand and squeezed it for dear life. Cas winced as pain shot up his arm but didn’t try and jerk away. He glanced at Dean and saw him staring straight ahead. Cas followed his line of sight and saw an extremely tall man with chin length brown hair walking towards them. A smile spread across the man’s face as he saw Dean and Cas.

“Go, Dean,” Cas whispered.

Dean let Cas’ hand drop and strode forward until he was a few feet from Sam. The two brothers stared at one another before Sam’s bag dropped to the ground and he was pulling Dean in for a hug. They held onto each other tightly and Cas could see the tears streaming down both their faces. Cas couldn’t help but smile as he watched the brother’s reunion; it had been years since he had seen Dean so happy.

The brothers finally separated and wiped at their wet eyes. “Sammy, it’s so good to see you! I can’t believe you’re here! I never thought I’d get to see you again after everything that happened. I’m so sorry for the way things ended between us.”

“I’m sorry too Dean, for everything. I should have told you the truth about dad and should have explained why I wanted to go to Stanford so bad. I just wanted you to quit having to worry about me.” Sam stared at Dean, begging his brother to understand.

Dean clasped Sam on the shoulder. “It’s ok, Sam. I do wish you would have let me know about dad, but I get why you left. You needed to stand on your own feet and so did I; you just handled it better than I did. What are you up to now a days?”

Sam grabbed his bag and they joined Cas where he was standing. “I graduated from law school a few months ago and a law firm offered me a job right away. I’ve already had a few cases and managed to win them all. I’ve got a girlfriend named Jess and we’ve been together for four years now. I’m actually thinking about proposing to her.”

“Dude, that’s awesome,” Dean said excited for his brother. “I wish I could have been there for your graduation. As long as you let me, I promise to never miss any more important life events.”

Sam smiled brightly. “Thanks Dean. If Jess says yes, I’d be honored if you’d be my best man at the wedding.”

Dean threw his arm around Cas’ shoulders. “You hear that Cas, we’ve got a road trip in our future! There ain’t no way I’m going all the way to California without my best friend.”

Cas smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Of course, Dean. I would love to go to California for Sam’s wedding with you.”

Sam held his hand out to Cas. “It’s nice to finally meet you Cas. Thank you for reuniting Dean and I.”

Cas shook Sam’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you as well. I kind of have a list of things I’m trying to help Dean with and reuniting you two was at the top of the list. It was also the most difficult thing on the list.”

“I’m sure it was,” Sam replied with a chuckle. “So, what all have you been helping Dean with?”

As they walked out the airport, Dean and Cas described all the changes they had made to the apartment since Cas had moved in. Sam was impressed by how much they had accomplished in such a short time and was excited to see the apartment. They all piled into the Impala and headed home. They stopped by the Roadhouse on the way home for dinner.

“Hey Dean, Cas! What are you boys up to?” Ellen greeted them as they walked inside.

“Hey Ellen,” Dean called. “My brother, Sam, is visiting for the week so I figured I’d let him taste the best burgers in town!”

“Nice to meet you Sam! How come I haven’t seen you around before?” Ellen asked as she led them to a table.

Once the three men were seated, Sam answered, “I went to college out in California and never came back. Dean and I had a little bit of a falling out but thanks to Cas here, our relationship is on the mend.”

Ellen handed a menu to Sam as she said, “I’m glad you were able to work things out. Cas, why didn’t you ask for time off since you knew Sam was coming for a visit?”

“It was really short notice and I wouldn’t want to inconvenience you,” Cas explained. “Besides, the visit is meant to give Sam and Dean time to reconnect. They don’t need me as a third wheel.”

“Cas, c’mon man, you’re practically part of the family at this point. We’d love for you to be able to enjoy some time with us. Unless you don’t want to,” Dean said with a pout of his lips.

“You know what, how about you take Monday and Tuesday off? That will give you three days off to spend some time with Sam,” Ellen offered.

“Deal,” Dean cried.

“Alright, Dean, Cas you guys getting your normal?” At their nod, Ellen wrote their order down before asking Sam what he wanted.

“A lemonade and the chef’s salad please,” Sam replied as he handed the menu back over.

After dropping their drinks off, Ellen left them alone. “Really Sammy, a salad? I bring you here to try the burgers and you get a salad!” Dean shook his head at such injustice.

“First of all, it’s Sam. Sammy is a chubby faced kid who hasn’t hit puberty. Second, do you know how much fat and cholesterol is in a burger? I’d prefer to not meet an early grave because of a burger induced heart attack,” Sam explained as he took a sip of his lemonade.

“Psh, whatever,” Dean said dismissively. “If bacon is what kills me, then I win. Am I right Cas?”

“I’d prefer you to live as long as possible Dean which is why I force you to eat at least one vegetable a day. It would be rather pathetic that you died because you ate too much bacon,” Cas answered with an eye roll.

Sam gestured towards the angel. “Thank you, Cas. At least one of you cares about your health.”

“I care about my health,” Dean grumbled. “Doesn’t mean I’m gonna stop eating my pies and burgers though. I can’t believe my brother lives off of rabbit food. Your poor girlfriend.”

“Jess is actually a personal trainer and fitness instructor. She’s one of the reasons I eat healthier and have a more active lifestyle. During undergrad, I ate like shit and barely worked out. I gained like thirty pounds. Jess helped me get back in shape. We go on daily runs together and meal prep on the weekends,” Sam described with a proud smile.

Dean looked at Cas with a frown. “You ever turn into a health guru and I’m kicking your ass out the apartment, capisce?”

“I capisce,” Castiel sighed. “Sam, why don’t you tell us more about the past eight years. It seems you’ve done really well for yourself.”

“Well, freshman year was the hardest just because I had to get accustomed to doing everything on my own and not having Dean around.” Sam chewed on his lip and dropped his eyes at the mention of Dean’s absence in his life.

“Sam,” Dean murmured. “We can’t erase what happened, but we are working to move past it. You don’t have to worry about me getting upset. It was just as much my fault for not being a part of your life these past eight years.”

Sam’s shoulders relaxed. “Thanks Dean. As I was saying, freshman year was the hardest but once I got in a groove, it wasn’t so bad. Sophomore year was a lot smoother and I was really able to focus on classes and I even got a job, so I’d have some extra spending money. Junior and senior year were rough just because of how busy I was. I had really tough classes plus the job and I got an internship as well to help make me more competitive for law school.”

“It seems like all the hard work paid off. I can’t imagine what law school must have been like,” Cas commented.

Sam huffed. “Four years of hell that I’m glad are over. Without Jess, I’m not sure I would have survived. She’s been my rock and I’m lucky to have her. So, what about you Dean? What have you been up to all these years?”

Dean’s shoulders stiffened as he glanced at Cas. He had no desire to tell Sam how much of a shit show his life had been. Thankfully he was saved by Ellen walking up with their food. She dropped everything off, got them refills on their drinks, and left them alone once more. The conversation died down while everyone ate. Sam offered to pay for the entire meal, but Ellen said it was on the house.

“Thank Ellen,” Cas said with a grin. “I guess I’ll see you Wednesday.”

“See you boys later and enjoy your visit Sam. Stop by and say bye before you leave,” Ellen called as they headed out.

“I will Ellen. Thanks again, the food was great.” Sam waved before stepping out the door.

Once they got back to the apartment, there was a quick tour to show Sam all the changes and improvements that had been made. “I’m impressed, you guys have done an amazing job.”

“Thanks. I would have never been able to do it without Cas’ help. In fact, without Cas, I wouldn’t have been able to do a lot of things,” Dean said from his seat on the couch. He twisted his fingers in agitation at his next words. “The truth is Sam, after you left, my life fell apart. I got addicted to drinking and because of that, I couldn’t keep a job. I got behind on the rent and Benny refused to fix anything in the apartment because of it. When Cas met me, I was living in a constant state of drunkenness, Baby was broken, I was set to be kicked out in two weeks, and I had just been fired from my recent job. Now, with his help, I’ve managed to turn everything around.”

“I’m happy for you Dean on all the progress you’ve made. Cas has definitely been good for you and I can see why you guys are together. After everything he’s done for you, I’d be surprised if you weren’t,” Sam said nonchalantly.

Dean and Cas stared at one another before Cas replied, “We aren’t together. We’re just friends.”

A look of surprise crossed Sam’s face. “Really, I never would have guessed.”

“Why do you think we’re together?” Cas asked softly.

“Well, for one, you guys have like zero personal space. At Ellen’s, you sat on the same side of the booth and now you’re sitting so close Dean might as well be in your lap.” At Sam’s words, Dean moved to put space between himself and Cas. “Also, you guys watch each other like a hawk, and you hang onto every word you speak.”

“We do not,” Dean snapped.

“Yeah, you do,” Sam said hastily. “The only time you take your eyes off Cas is when someone else is speaking. Cas is the same way. I’m sorry for assuming but you guys act very couply.”

“Whatever. I’m tired, so I’m going to bed. I’ll see you both tomorrow.” Dean walked to his room without another word.

Sam watched his brother walk away before looking at Cas. “He still isn’t the best at handling his feelings, is he?”

Cas sighed before saying, “It’s actually my fault. Dean and I do have feelings for one another, but we can’t be together. There are some things going on with me that Dean doesn’t know about.”

Sam cocked his head in confusion. “Why don’t you tell him then. It’s obvious not being with you is hurting him.”

“Sam, please. Dean and I have discussed this, and he’s agreed to just be friends. It’s hard on me as well because I have very strong feelings for him. At this time, we just can’t be more than friends.” Cas’ voice was laced with pain as he spoke.

“I don’t like that you’re hurting yourselves, but it’s not really any of my business. I just hope you guys can work things out.”

“I hope we do too.” Cas stood up, desperately wanting to change the topic. “Dean has the right idea. I’m tired and just want to go to bed. We bought a blow-up mattress for you to use. It will only take a few minutes to set up and then I’m going to bed.”

Sam didn’t say another word about Dean. He helped Cas blow the mattress up and then headed to the bathroom. Cas was sitting on the couch when Sam returned, and as he got closer to the angel, his eyes narrowed in confusion. “Cas, are you glowing?”

Cas dropped his eyes and was shocked to see a bright glow seeping through the cotton of his shirt. He jumped to his feet and rushed into his bedroom, locking the door behind him before moving to stand in front of his dresser mirror. He ripped the shirt off and slung it onto the bureau as he stared at his reflection. 

In the middle of his chest was a large spot of glowing blue grace that was pulsing just below the surface of his skin. He poked at it with his finger and gasped as pain shot through his chest. He unfolded his wings and was horrified to see grace emanating from the crumpled feathers in a steady stream. He swiped his hand through the dull plumage and came away with a clump of feathers. He threw them on the dresser next to his shirt with despair. 

Castiel had even less time than he thought. He had seen other angels go through the stages of Falling and this was the final stage before Cas lost his grace completely. He had mere days left before the last of his grace leaked from his body.

He was torn from his thoughts when there was a sudden and loud knocking on his door. “Cas, are you ok? What’s going on.”

“I’m fine Sam,” he called as he turned away from the mirror, unable to look at his reflection any longer.

“Cas, open the door,” Sam demanded.

Castiel ignored the order and took a few steps toward his bed. He was overcome with a feeling of lightheadedness and had to stop moving. Once the room had quit spinning, he took another step and promptly collapsed to the floor. He heard a shout but didn’t register it as blackness enveloped him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't kill me for that cliffhanger. I hope to not make you guys wait as long for the next chapter.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas finally tells Dean and Sam the truth about him Falling and how he has mere hours before his grace is completely used up. What happens when Cas runs away to ensure Dean and Sam aren't caught in the crossfire of when his grace explodes? Is there any hope for Cas to survive Falling when no other angel ever has?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is guys, the conclusion to this story that has taken so many twists and turns as I've written it. I've smiled, laughed, and maybe cried a little bit while writing this chapter, so I hope you all enjoy it as much as I have!  
> As always, thanks to my awesome beta lonewolf34500!  
> Give a shoutout to notwithd for her amazing artwork throughout the fic. Without her art for inspiration, this fic would have never been born!

Cas was floating in a sea of pain. Every little movement caused agony to spread through his veins and it took all his self-control to not cry out in misery. Suddenly, a voice cut through the darkness.

“Cas, Cas, wake up please, you’ve got to wake up!”

It hurt to try, but something about the voice was pulling Cas to awareness. He gasped as his eyes jerked open and he looked into twin pools of green. Relief spread across Dean’s face as he stared down at the angel. “Oh, thank heavens,” Dean exclaimed.

Cas turned his head and saw Sam standing behind Dean, a look of worry etched on his face. He looked down at his chest and saw the open wound, grace still pouring from it. He tried to cover it, but pain caused him to grit his teeth and his hand fell back to the mattress. “What happened?” He asked with a groan.

“You fucking passed out is what happened! Not to mention, you’ve got bright blue glowy stuff pouring from your chest. What the hell is going on Cas?” Dean’s voice was a mixture of concern and fury.

“The simple answer is I’m dying,” Cas deadpanned.

“What?” Dean cried. He exchanged a worried look with his brother before turning back to Cas. The man looked awful, sweat clung to every inch of his body and his face was ragged with pain. There was also the slow trickle of blue glowing light in the middle of Cas’ chest.

“Help me sit up please,” Cas gasped out.

Dean carefully slid an arm around Cas’ waist and helped prop him up against the pillows. Just the small movement felt like torture to the Falling angel. Beads of sweat were trailing down Cas’ forehead into his eyes and he quickly blinked them away. Dean went to pull away but Cas, begged, “No, please don’t.”

With a cautious look, Dean carefully slid into the bed next to Cas who promptly dropped his head on Dean’s shoulder. Dean’s eyes continuously flicked between the wound on his chest and Cas’ face. “Cas, please, you have to tell us what’s going on. What the fuck do you mean you’re dying?”

Cas glanced at Sam. “You might as well pull up a chair. It’s a long story.” Sam walked out the bedroom and returned a minute later with one of the chairs from the kitchen table. Once he was sitting, Cas told his tale.

“I am older than you Dean but not by a few years. The Earth is four point six billion years old and so am I plus a minute or two. I saw the universe created from a single point that exploded into a blinding ball of light. I was there when the first fish crawled from the ocean and took its first gulp of air. I watched as my brother Lucifer invaded the Garden of Eden and tricked Adam and Eve into eating the forbidden fruit.

For thousands of years I was a soldier with no purpose but to fight and destroy my enemies. Like the rest of the angels, I was a drone. I followed the orders I was given and didn’t question my superiors. That was until I became one. When I became commander of my own garrison of angels and was privy to the war meetings, I realized that soldiers were expendable. Even though I knew it was wrong, I still didn’t question what I was told. For millennia, I watched angels die all around me until I finally couldn’t handle it any longer.

I went to the leader of Heaven, Michael, and asked for a reassignment. The only available positions were for guardian angels, but I didn’t care. If I had to see the spatter of blood or hear the crunch of a breaking bone one more time, I was going to take my own life.

Being a guardian angel was difficult in its own way. To be given an anonymous list and have to choose one name, knowing the rest may not be as lucky, is something I’ve always detested. Even once we have a charge, our interference is minimal. We can offer a push there or a pull here, but we are never able to physically interfere. We can give a sign if someone asks for one but anything more and we risk being reprimanded.

For centuries I have watched over human after human and in all that time, I have never failed. Every one of my charges have lived long and healthy lives. Like any good angel, I kept my distance and never let emotions play apart in my job. When one charge passed to Heaven, I chose another and started all over. That all changed twenty-six years ago when a young woman was caught in a house fire.”

Cas watched warily as Dean’s eyes went wide and his body stiffened. “Cas,” Dean whispered.

“I was Mary’s guardian angel and I tried to get her out of the burning house, but she refused to leave the two of you. I knew there was no saving her within the allowed constraints. All I could do was watch her try and save her sons who she loved above all else. She knew she wasn’t getting out alive and that’s why she called out to me and asked me to watch over you Dean.

But a guardian angel can’t just switch their charges. They are supposed to be given a list and pick a name from it. My entire existence I have always followed orders until that night. I had grown very fond of Mary and I desperately wanted to fulfill her dying wish. So, I broke protocol and switched my guardianship from Mary to you.” Cas took a deep breath before adding, “I have tried to keep your life on track, but you are an extremely stubborn man. I gave you so many pushes, but they were all futile. I have failed Mary and I have failed you ever since I became your guardian angel.”

Dean shook his head. “No Cas, you didn’t! I failed myself!” Dean was silent for a few minutes before his eyes widened and he let out a gasp. “You gave me signs, I just ignored them. You were the one who kept making sure the paper with Sam’s number always found its way out the trash can. You spilled the beer bottles when I was getting too drunk. You tried to save me from myself, but I didn’t want to be saved.”

Cas winced as pain spiked through him. “How could you know those were me? They were, but how did you know?”

“I didn’t until just now. I always wondered about how the note kept reappearing or how the bottles would randomly fall but I figured I was too drunk. I’m sorry Cas for making you feel that my life going to shit was your fault. Please forgive me,” Dean begged of the angel.

“There’s nothing to forgive,” Cas coughed. “Don’t blame yourself. I should have tried harder to help you. This is all on my shoulders.”

“No, it’s not,” Dean argued.

Cas lifted his head to stare into the green eyes he had come to love so much. “It is, but that’s ok. I’ve managed to fix it and that’s all that matters. If my life is the price to pay, then so be it.”

Dean tensed at his words. “What the hell does that mean?”

Cas sighed. “Angels can’t interact with their human charges directly. Michael gave me two options: be reassigned charges because I was too close to you or if I were to insist on interacting with you physically, I would start Falling which would eventually lead to my demise.”

“Wait! You’re dying because of me?” Dean shouted in anger.

Cas looked at the wound where his grace was. “Yes. This blue stuff is my grace; it’s what makes me an angel. From the moment I first interacted with you at the garage, it started weakening. It’s why I’ve started doing more human things the longer I’ve been here. Things like eating and sleeping which angels don’t do.”

“Why would you choose to give up being an angel for me? I’m not worth it Cas! I’ve fucked up so much in my life that nobody should even consider me worth saving,” Dean said despairingly.

Cas disagreed. “Yes Dean, you are worth it. Look at everything you’ve accomplished with my help. That’s all you needed, was somebody to believe in you. I was happy to be that person. In my entire existence, I’ve never been prouder of anything than what I’ve accomplished with you these past few weeks.”

Dean shook his head furiously. “NO! No, I’m not! I don’t want to be the reason a literal angel fell from Heaven!” Dean froze as his eyes went wide in realization. “You were the angel from mom’s dream. You’re the angel in the park!”

Cas dropped his eyes and nodded his head. “Yes Dean, I am.”

“I can’t let you do this Cas! I won’t let you die for me! Go back to Heaven, quit Falling and go be someone else’s guardian angel,” Dean insisted.

“I can’t,” Cas said softly. “The process can’t be reversed.”

“So, how do we keep you from dying then?” Dean asked desperately.

Cas shook his head. “You can’t. No angel has ever survived Falling. Our bodies can’t handle the transition.”

“No, there has to be a way! I won’t be the reason you die!” Dean shouted in the small confines of the bedroom.

Cas raised his eyes to Dean and could see unshed tears in the green depths. “Let me go Dean. It’s ok.”

“The hell it is,” Dean shouted before storming from the room.

“Dean,” Cas called out, trying to follow him. He groaned as pain ran rampant through his body and he fell back to the bed panting. He turned his head to see Sam still sitting in the chair. “What do you have to say?”

“I’d like to say it’s all a dream and that you’re lying, but the blue wispy stuff pouring from your chest kind of says otherwise,” Sam answered with a frown, obviously in shock of the whole situation.

“It’s my grace, Sam, not blue wispy stuff. Humans have souls, demons have lost their souls, and angels have grace. It’s what gives us all of our powers and our immortality. Without it we would be human,” Cas explained as he stared at the ceiling.

“So, you’re dying for my brother? That’s a pretty big sacrifice,” Sam said with amazement.

Cas turned his head to stare at the younger Winchester. “I’m not the first angel to die from Falling. But I am the first to Fall for allowing myself the one thing no angel is supposed to ever know.”

“Love,” Sam said simply.

Cas nodded. “Yes. I fell in love with Dean and couldn’t bear to see him suffer because of my failure to keep him safe. I knew if I could just integrate myself into his life, I could help turn it all around. But to do so would go against half the rules of Heaven.”

“Yeah, well you aren’t the first person to die for love,” Sam said softly.

Cas sighed heavily. “If only dying was all that was going to happen to me. Dying would mean I’d go to Heaven, but I won’t be that lucky. My grace will try and turn into a soul which will use up every last bit of energy my body has, but it won’t be enough. My body will burst into all the atoms it is made up of before the transformation is complete. Without a grace, I won’t go to the Empty like angels. Without a soul, I won’t go to Heaven like humans. I will just cease to exist as if I never lived at all. Such is the fate of a Falling angel.” Cas fell silent, ignoring the tears that were rolling down his cheeks.

“No, that’s not fair,” Sam argued.

Cas barked out a laugh even though it hurt. “When has anything ever been fair? I failed in my job of watching over Dean. Why should I get a happy ending when he has suffered in misery for most of his life?”

“Cas, you were just following rules. You did everything you could,” Sam insisted as he stood up and moved closer to the bed.

“Did I, though, Sam? I was a mindless drone who followed orders like always. The best decision I ever made was to Fall. I’ve struggled to help Dean, and he’s struggled to turn things around, but he’s done it. His apartment is fixed, his alcoholism is under control, he’s got a job, and he’s been reunited with you. My mission is complete. I was worried about how he would handle me dying but he has you now. He’ll be ok,” Cas said with a sarcastic smile.

“How can you say that? He loves you,” Sam shouted.

Cas huffed. “He hasn’t known me long enough to fall in love with me. He might have been attracted to me, but not love. He’ll move on Sam, given time. Like I said, he’s got you and that’s all he really needs. Just promise me one thing.”

“What” Sam asked harshly.

“Just don’t leave him again. Take him back to California if you must, but please don’t leave him alone again. He’s been alone for far too long. He needs you in his life.” Cas let out another groan as pain spread throughout his lower abdomen. 

“He needs you too! Cas, you have to fight! There has to be some way you can survive this.” Sam was persistent.

“No Sam. There is no fighting this. I have maybe a day left. Tomorrow, you will take Dean and leave. Once you’re gone, I will leave and find someplace where me dying won’t hurt anybody. An exploding grace isn’t a pretty sight and I would hate to see you two with your eyes burned out.” Cas was overcome by a sudden coughing fit as a large spurt of grace slid from the wound.

“Cas,” Sam cried.

“Go Sam! I don’t have as long as I thought. Get Dean out of here or I will make you,” Cas said angrily.

Sam stared at him like a kicked puppy but eventually left the room. Cas struggled to sit up and grab paper and pen from his nightstand. He thought about everything he wanted to say but realized there wasn’t enough paper in the world to do so. He finally settled on something short and simple.

_ “Dean, please don’t blame yourself! Let me die with pride, knowing I saved your life. If you grieve for me, don’t do it forever. Move on and live your life. I’m sorry we didn’t have longer together. Just know that you’ll consume my every thought as I take my last breath. I’ll die a happy man. I love you Dean. _

_ Forever yours, Castiel” _

Cas folded the note and then pulled the rest of the money he had stolen from Crowley out the drawer. He slid from the bed and deposited the letter and the money on top of the dresser. He let his wings appear and pulled a large flight feather out. He laid it on top of the note before disappearing from the room.

Cas faltered as his feet touched solid ground and fell to the grass. He cried out as he felt his wrist twist painfully as he landed on his hands and knees. He sat back on his ass with a groan as he cradled his wrist against his stomach. Tears were rolling down his cheeks as he stared at the statue of himself bathed in moonlight. “I’m sorry Mary for failing you. I hope I’ve made it up to you in some small way.”

Suddenly, Cas wasn’t alone. Michael stood a few feet away, staring at the statue with a frown on his face. “I have to admit, for a human, she captured your likeness remarkably well.”

Cas tried to stand to his feet, but his legs buckled underneath him. He leaned heavily against the brick wall behind him. “What are you doing here? Can’t I just die in peace?” He gasped as more of his grace poured from the wound.

The archangel turned to face his brother. He walked over and stared at Castiel with disdain. “Is that what you really want Castiel? To die?”

Cas scoffed. “Does anybody want to die, but I don’t really have another option do I? Already I can feel a soul trying to form. Here I thought I had months and it’s only been weeks.” Cas grimaced as he moved slightly.

“You should have had months, but I didn’t realize how deep your feelings ran for the human. Angels don’t feel emotions, Castiel. Your grace was already weakened by the time you began Falling because of your love for Dean,” Michael explained angrily.

“It doesn’t matter, I still managed to save him.” Cas groaned in pain as more grace slipped from his wound.

Michael sighed as he kneeled in front of Castiel and put two fingers to the other angel’s forehead. He sent a surge of healing grace into Cas to help alleviate some of the pain. Cas’ face slackened in relief. “That should help for a little bit,” Michael said.

“Why do you care? You’ve been mocking me from the day I started Falling. How many times have you told me Dean wasn’t worth me sacrificing my life?” Cas’ breathing was labored, and his voice was weakening with every word he spoke.

“I’ve had my reasons Castiel. You are my brother and one of Heaven’s finest; do you honestly think I wish for you to die?” Michael asked incredulously.

“I guess I got the wrong impression,” Cas huffed. “You’ve never cared about me. You were furious when I left the garrison and you’ve always told me my guardian duties were beneath me.”

Michael’s lips formed a thin line. “It’s because I cared about you that I was so tough on you brother. I’ve always wanted you to be the best that you could be. You rose through the ranks faster than any other angel and you left it all behind to watch over humans. Your skill and talent have been wasted as a guardian angel.”

Castiel shook his head. “I was tired of fighting Michael. I was tired of watching our brothers and sisters be killed for senseless violence. I was sick of seeing them sacrificed because to you and the other commanders, soldiers such as myself were expendable and could easily be replaced. I needed out and being a guardian angel was my only option.”

“You could have stayed and made a difference, but you ran. You chose an easy life,” Michael accused as he stood to his feet.

“Being a guardian angel isn’t easy. You don’t know how hard it is to stand by and watch helplessly as a human makes an irreversible mistake, knowing that you could fix it easily if only Heaven would allow it. I had to watch Mary Winchester die because of Heaven’s rules; I wasn’t going to repeat that mistake with Dean.” Cas moaned in agony, Michael’s healing already fading.

“What has he done for you Castiel? He’s used you because he was too weak to get his own life back on track! He’s caused you to Fall. He’s the reason you’re hurting so much now and yet you continue to defend him! He left you lying in that bedroom, knowing you’re dying! What kind of friend is that? Why are you still loyal to him?” Michael shouted, his wings expanding behind him in anger.

Cas narrowed his eyes at his brother. “Why do you want me to hate him so much?”

“Because I’m trying to save you,” Michael exclaimed, his wings flaring open as much as possible.

Cas tilted his head. “What?”

“I know of a way to reverse your Falling, but it requires the power of a strong human soul and Dean has one of the strongest I’ve ever seen. I knew you wouldn’t even consider the option with your feelings for him. I hoped if I could give you enough reasons as to why you should hate him, you would be willing to extract his soul and use it to keep you from Falling,” Michael explained as he paced in front of Castiel.

Castiel looked horrified as he replied, “No, I would never! Even if Dean hated me and I him, I would never sacrifice his soul just to save myself! We’re supposed to protect and guard human souls, not destroy them for our own selfish needs.”

“So, you’d rather die than use up one human soul amongst trillions?” Michael asked furiously. “What if I ordered you to do this Castiel? I’m stronger than you, I have the ability to do so.”

“My entire existence has been spent following your orders Michael. No more, I’m done being your puppet.” Cas’ breathing was shallow, all the arguing causing his grace to leak out of the chest wound faster. Flying from Dean’s apartment to the park hadn’t helped either.

“You’re a fool Castiel,” Michael spat. “I’m trying to save you and you won’t even listen!”

“Not if it requires using Dean’s soul,” Cas mumbled.

Michael finally came to a halt and stared at his brother. “You’ve lived so long and to see you expire in such a way is truly disheartening. I’m sorry it had to end this way Castiel. I truly did care about you.”

Cas lifted the corner of his mouth in a small grin. “Goodbye Michael.”

“Goodbye brother,” Michael said before flapping his wings and vaulting up towards Heaven.

Castiel watched his brother disappear. Once Michael was out of sight, Cas let his own wings appear. As they came into view, most of the remaining feathers fell to the ground around the gasping angel. Cas’ wings were now nothing more than skin and bone with a few lonely feathers still hanging on. He whimpered at the state of his wings as he cast his eyes to the ground, unable to look at them.

He cried out in discomfort as he felt more of his grace leak from his chest and the soul that was continuing to form grew larger. As more tendrils of the soul started forming, he could feel his temperature rising. Within minutes, sweat was pouring off Cas as the heat was becoming unbearable. He could feel his grace fading faster and the soul was continuously expanding with every second.

Cas closed his eyes, knowing he only had minutes left before the last wisp of grace flowed from his body. Pain was constant now and he just wished for it all to end. He had lived far longer than he had any right to, his time was over.

“CAS!” A deep male voice rang out and Cas’ eyes snapped open in recognition.

Dean fell to his knees beside the dying man. He grabbed Cas’ hands in his and gasped at how hot the angel was. He stared in horror at the plucked wings and felt tears spring to his eyes. “Cas,” he whimpered.

Cas weakly squeezed Dean’s hands. “Dean, you have to get out of here! My grace, it will explode, and it will kill you!”

“I don’t care! If there’s no you, there’s no me! If you only have a few minutes left, then so do I,” Dean said with a steely voice.

“Dean, no! I did this to save you! Didn’t you get my letter?” Cas asked as he struggled to breathe.

“I did, but I can’t live without you! It’s not Sam that I need, it’s you. You’ve been there for me, let me be here for you. Let me die a happy man.” Dean’s voice left no room for argument and Cas didn’t have the strength to send him away.

Cas glared at Dean, but it did nothing. There was nothing in the world that was going to make Dean leave his side. He sighed and changed the topic of conversation. “How did you find me? Where’s Sam?”

“He’s at home. He told me what you said about exploding and I couldn’t let him be around that. As far as knowing that you were here, I didn’t. But where else would you go? It all kind of started here, so why not finish it here?” Dean’s eyes were locked with Cas’ pain filled blue ones. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry for leaving! I was mad, but I shouldn’t have left. You needed me and I just left you. You’ve been my rock for weeks now, the least I could have done was return the favor,” Dean said, his voice thick with emotion.

Cas managed a small smile. “It’s ok Dean. I’m afraid I won’t be your rock for much longer, though.”

“No, Cas! Please tell me there’s a way I can save you.” Dean lifted one hand to cup the angel’s jaw. “I want to live a life with you Cas. I love you.”

Cas shook his head. “You can’t Dean, we haven’t known each other long enough.”

“Bullshit,” Dean spat. “Cas, you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met. Hell, I was halfway in love with you from the moment I saw you. I was just afraid to ever tell you how I really felt because I didn’t think I was worth loving and then when I did hint at it, you told me we couldn’t be together anyway. I love you Cas, so fucking much!”

A groan was ripped from Cas’ mouth that left him gasping for air. When he regained his breath, he replied, “I love you too Dean. I’m sorry for not telling you sooner, and I’m sorry for the secrets that kept us apart. I wish it wasn’t, but it’s too late for us now. Well, for me. You still have a chance to get out of here”

“I’m not leaving Cas. I told you, I can’t do this without you,” Dean replied.

Cas struggled to continue speaking. “Yes… you can. I… accomplished my list…so I know you can. You’ve got Sam… back. He’s… all you need.”

Dean shook his head. “No, he’s not! He’s not the one that got my life back on track! That was you, it was all because of you.”

“No... it was you,” Cas whispered. He was so weak at this point that when the heat inside of him intensified, he couldn’t even scream. He glanced down at his chest and the grace was barely visible. “Dean... this is your... last chance... to get out of here,” Cas managed to say.

Dean shook his head. “I’m not leaving you.”

“I’m afraid... I’m the one... that’s leaving you. Goodbye Dean... I love you,” Cas said with one final breath.

“NO! NO,” Dean shouted. He grabbed Cas’ face in both of his hands and shook him lightly. “Please Cas, don’t leave me! I’ll do anything, give you my soul if that’s what you need,” he cried as his vision was blurred by tears.

He stared at the angel helplessly, praying for a miracle. Cas’ skin continued to get hotter beneath his hands, but he didn’t care. “Please, I love you,” he whispered before leaning forward and pressing his lips to the angel’s in a tender embrace. He poured his heart and soul into the kiss; every last bit of love Dean had flowing into the dying angel. His eyes slipped shut as he let one hand drop to the wound on Cas’ chest as the last wisp of grace flowed from it. He was ready to die with his angel.

Suddenly, a bright light erupted behind Dean’s eyelids. He felt a surge of heat flow into his body and he tore his mouth from Cas’ with a groan. His eyes snapped open and all he could see was a golden light surrounding both him and Castiel. He looked down to see the light emanating from where his hand rested against Cas’ chest. He gasped as he felt a stirring deep within his core. He could feel tendrils of energy spreading through his chest, down his arm to his hand, and into Cas’ wound.

He couldn’t tear his gaze away from the man in front of him as the glow around them intensified, forcing him to shut his eyes. He hollered as the heat from Cas burned even hotter, causing Dean to feel as if he was burning from the inside out. The heat continued to rise until it reached an unbearable level, frying every last one of Dean’s nerve endings. In the next second, Dean collapsed unconscious on top of Cas.

Dean came to slowly. He was aware of the body beneath him and the faint thump of a heartbeat. He blinked his eyes a few times before opening them wide and was shocked to see the first rays of sunlight peeking over the horizon. He groaned as he struggled to sit up, his head pounding like someone was beating a rock against his skull.

He cried out as memories from the previous night flooded his mind. He gasped and looked at the body beneath him. He shakingly put two fingers to the pulse point on Cas’ neck. He nearly sobbed with relief when he felt a faint but steady beat. “Cas,” he choked out. He swallowed, trying to moisten his throat. In a stronger voice, “Cas, Castiel wake up.”

A soft huff of air escaped Cas’ lips as his eyes fluttered open. “Dean,” he said roughly.

“Cas, is that really you?” Dean cried.

“I-I don’t know. This isn’t possible,” Cas answered, voice full of confusion. With Dean’s help, he managed to sit up and lean against the wall. “When my grace expired, there wasn’t even a hope of an afterlife for me. I should have been reduced to dust and without a soul or grace, I would just cease to exist.”

“There is one other way you could survive Falling,” Michael said from behind them.

Cas looked at his brother while Dean hurried to turn around. He glared at the archangel. “Who are you?”

Cas put a restraining hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Michael is the ruler of Heaven… and my brother.”

Dean’s eyes widened as he looked at Cas. “Michael, as in the archangel Michael?” Cas nodded his head. “Holy shit!”

“Eloquent as ever Dean,” Michael said flatly.

“Michael,” Cas snapped. “I don’t understand. What other way?”

“The way that involves the use of a lover’s soul,” the archangel explained.

“What? I never used Dean’s soul,” Cas exclaimed.

“You did, just not in the way you think. As you know the process of grace turning into a soul requires a lot of energy, more than a human body has to offer which is why most angels don’t survive Falling. But, if the angel had something to draw strength from, then they could survive the Fall.

A human soul is an immensely powerful object and can help act as a battery to get an angel through the Fall. But only if the human is in love with the Falling angel will it work. Love gives the soul enough strength to help the angel through the Fall and keep it from being incinerated in the process.” Michael pointed at Dean. “That human right there has the most powerful soul I’ve ever seen and his love for you runs deep. With his support, you were able to survive the transition without either of you being hurt in the process.”

Cas’ gaze flickered between Dean and Michael. “So, I’m human now?”

“You are,” Michael said softly. “And your soul is bound with Dean’s. When one of you reaches the end of your life, the other will follow shortly after and you will spend eternity in Heaven… together.”

“No,” Cas gasped. Dean’s eyes snapped to him, pain rising to the surface. “We can’t be bound! I will not take that choice from him.”

“I’m sorry brother, but there’s no way to reverse it,” Michael replied solemnly.

Before Cas could say anything, Dean spoke up. “Is it really so awful for our souls to be bound? I mean I understand if you wouldn’t want to be bound to me, I’m not exactly a catch,” Dean said with sadness.

“Dean,” Cas said softly. “You are the most valuable prize of all and any person whose lucky enough to have your heart should treasure it forever. I am the one that’s nothing. I have nothing to offer you… I’m just a Fallen angel.”

Dean shook his head as he reached out and laid a palm against each of Cas’ cheeks. “Nothing to offer? Cas, you have everything to offer! You’ve helped me turn my whole life around. I know you’re not an angel now, but I didn’t fall in love with an angel. I fell in love with a dorky, caring, loyal guy who's stayed by my side when no one else did.”

“But our souls are bound, and you didn’t agree to such a thing,” Cas argued. “Dean, you can’t ever be with another person for the rest of your life. You’re stuck with me.”

“Baby, I did agree. Right after you took your last breath, I begged for a way to save you even if it meant taking my soul. So, I did give permission. Besides, there’s nobody else I want to be stuck with,” Dean said tenderly, staring at Cas with love shining in his eyes.

“It was Dean’s consent that allowed the transition to occur. As I said, he has an extremely strong soul,” Michael said.

Cas paid his brother no attention as he stared at Dean. “I can’t believe you would do that for me. I didn’t deserve it. I kept so many secrets from you.”

“You did deserve it, you dork. I do wish you would have told me what was going on,” Dean said gently as he leaned forward, their foreheads resting against one another.

“I wanted to Dean,” Cas said as he stared at the other man. “I just didn’t know how to tell you.”

“You gonna tell me why you kept turning me down?” Dean asked with a smirk.

Cas dropped his eyes. “I didn’t want to start something with you when I knew I wasn’t going to be able to stay. I was afraid that if we became intimate, after I was gone, you would spiral back into your depression. I didn’t want all my hard work to go to waste.”

“Dumb angel, even though we’ve only been friends, I would have been lost without you. I need you Cas no matter what,” Dean replied before softly pressing his lips to Cas’.

Cas’ lips were full and slightly chapped, but Dean had never experienced a better kiss. He tilted his head slightly, and their lips slotted against each other like lock and key. Dean moved his hands from Cas’ cheeks to wound around his neck while Cas’ arms were wrapped around Dean’s waist. They let their lips slide against each other over and over, in no hurry to deepen the kiss.

They broke apart at the sound of a voice clearing behind them. They had forgotten Michael was still standing there. Dean turned so that he could once more face the archangel.

“I know you don’t believe me when I say this, Castiel, but I am happy for the two of you. This will be the last time we see each other during your lifetime. The next time we meet, it will be in Heaven. I wish the two of you a long and joyful life.” With those final words, Michael spread his wings and was gone in an instant.

Once he was gone, Dean turned back to Cas. “Let’s go home.”

They stood to their feet shakily. Cas leaned heavily on Dean, trying to get used to being fully human. “You okay baby?”

Cas nodded. “I am, just gonna need some time to get used to being human.”

“Take all the time you need, I’ll be right here,” Dean said as he wrapped a supporting arm around Cas’ waist.

Cas smiled and then looked up at the statue of his angelic self. “You know, there isn’t much I’m going to miss about being an angel. Except for not having to urinate and defecate. Do you know how annoying and inconvenient that is?”

Dean burst out laughing. “Yeah, it’s pretty inconvenient. You aren’t going to miss the wings? I mean, I only saw them when they were all beat up, but they still looked badass.”

Cas reached out and traced a finger down one of the feathers on the statue. “They were wonderful but also very annoying when they had to be groomed. If I do miss them, I have two drawerfuls of feathers at home to look at.” He turned to face Dean. “Besides, none of that can hold a candle to being with you. I’d Fall for you a thousand times over Dean,” Cas whispered before pulling Dean into a tender kiss. Their lips moved unhurriedly against each other as they mapped each other’s mouth out.

When they pulled apart, Cas whispered. “Let’s go home sweetheart.”

They walked back to the apartment hand in hand. Sam, who had been sitting on the couch, jumped to his feet when the door opened. “Oh, thank goodness,” he cried before crossing the room and pulling Dean into a hug and then Cas. “Cas, you’re alive!”

Cas nodded; his lips stretched in a gummy smile. “I am Sam and I’m human. Apparently, if an angel has a human who loves them, their soul can act as an energy source to make sure the angel survives the Fall.”

“That’s amazing you guys! I’m just glad you’re both okay!” Sam hugged them both again. He then turned to Dean, a glare on his face. “How the hell could you sneak out the apartment like that? I told you about what Cas said and that we needed to leave for a little bit. I went to grab my wallet and when I turned around, you were gone! What the hell Dean?”

“I had to go to Cas,” Dean said, untroubled by his brother’s outburst. “There was no way I was going to let him die alone.”

“Did you not hear me when I told you what Cas said, though? He was supposed to explode and would have killed anyone close to him! You could have died Dean! I just got you back, I don’t want to lose you so soon,” Sam shouted, hurt swimming in his eyes.

Dean at least had the sense to look guilty as he replied, “I’m sorry Sammy. The truth is, that without Cas, I didn’t want to live. You’re my brother and I love you and I’m really happy that we’re finally getting to know each other again. But… but you have a life back in California waiting for you. I don’t; without Cas, I don’t have much of anything. Cas is the one who put all the pieces of my life back together; without him, I’d just fall apart again.”

Sam visibly deflated. “I guess part of that is my fault for leaving all those years ago. I get it Dean, honestly, I do. If something were to happen to Jess, I’m not sure what I would do. It just hurt to think that you could have died, and I didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye.”

“I knew you would never let me leave if I told you the truth. It was hard, Sam, to leave without saying anything but I had to. I knew if I did say something, I never would have made it to Cas.” Dean stared at his brother, begging to be forgiven.

“Yeah, well, I’m just glad you’re both alive and safe. Is this it for all the angel drama or will this become a regular thing now?” Sam asked with a grin.

“I assure you there will be no more angel drama,” Cas deadpanned.

The brothers burst into laughter. Dean grabbed Sam’s shoulder and gave it a tight squeeze. “Thanks Sammy, now if you’ll excuse me, Cas and I are gonna go lay down. We’re exhausted,” Dean said, already walking down the hallway.

“That’s fine. I’m gonna go grocery shopping; you guys are, like, completely out of food. I’ll see you guys in a few hours.” Sam grabbed his wallet and the keys to the Impala.

“You get one scratch on Baby and I’ll murder you,” Dean warned.

Sam gave an exaggerated eye roll before saying, “Yeah yeah, shut up jerk!”

“Whatever, bye bitch and make sure you get some stuff Cas and I will eat and not just your rabbit food,” Dean called as Sam headed towards the door. Sam waved his brother off and walked out the apartment.

Dean chuckled before spinning around and focusing his attention on Cas. He strode across the room and didn’t stop until he was able to press his mouth against Cas’. “I’m never going to tire of that,” he said as he stared at the other man, love shining in his eyes.

Cas cupped Dean’s chin. “I’m never going to get tired of seeing you look at me that way. When I made the decision to Fall for you, there was no light at the end of the tunnel. Now, now there’s only sunshine.”

“I know what you mean baby. Before you came along, I wallowed in misery and lived in the dark. I never want to go back to that place,” Dean said somberly.

“Don’t worry sweetheart, I’ll never let that happen,” Cas replied before pulling Dean into a tender kiss.

Dean licked along the seam of Cas’ mouth, causing the angel to gasp. Dean slid his tongue past Cas’ lips and explored his mouth. Their tongues met in the middle and danced with one another. Cas pulled away panting. “Dean, if we don’t stop…”

“I don’t want to stop, baby. I want to show you just how much I love you Cas. Will you let me?” Dean looked at him with pleading eyes.

Cas took a step back as he stared at Dean confusedly. “Dean, I thought you were exhausted.”

“Psh, I just said that so Sam would leave,” Dean said with a grin. “Besides, how could I be tired, we just slept for who knows how many hours.”

“So, you lied to your brother just so we could have sex without him being around to hear us?” Cas stared at Dean with a smirk.

Dean pulled Cas back into his arms and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. “Yep! Do you know how much of a mood killer it would be to know my little brother was just outside the door and could hear us going at it like rabbits?”

Cas rolled his eyes. “I guess I can understand the embarrassment that something like that would cause.”

Dean’s eyes sparkled with delight. “So, are you on board with me pushing you down on that mattress and ravaging you until we really are tired?”

“Yes Dean! Show me, please,” Cas begged. “There’s no other person in this world who will ever know me in such an intimate way.”

“You mean you’re billions of years old and you’ve never had sex? Never did a little cloud seeding?” Dean asked with a grin.

“Didn’t really have the time and angels don’t reproduce with sex. Now, please Dean, I want you,” Cas replied as he pulled Dean into a passionate kiss. As they licked into each other’s mouth, they slowly walked backwards until the back of Cas’ legs hit the bed. Their mouths broke apart as Dean lightly pushed Cas onto the mattress.

Dean stepped into the vee of Cas’ legs before catching his lips in another kiss as Dean’s hands started to travel up and down the muscled body. He quickly divested them both of their shirts and gazed at the beauty in front of him. “You’re gorgeous Cas! And you’re all mine.”

“I don’t want to be anybody else’s,” Cas whispered as he licked into Dean’s mouth.

Dean had Cas scoot back on the bed and then climbed on top of him. He ground his hips against Cas’, moaning at the feeling of their hardening cocks sliding against one another. They continued to trade kisses and grind against one another until they were both getting close to the edge.

Cas pulled his mouth away. “Dean, please, I want you in me before I cum.”

“Alright baby, I got ya. While I get the lube, why don’t you lose your pants and underwear?” Dean slid from the bed and rummaged in his drawer for the lube. He pulled his jeans and boxers down and stepped out of them before climbing back onto the bed.

He lost his breath when he was finally able to take in all of Cas’ beauty. His eyes zeroed in on the cock that was standing proud and leaking precum. Cas was thick and uncut, and Dean couldn’t help but lean over and suck the head into his mouth.

Cas cried out at the sudden heat and bucked his hips up, pushing his cock further into Dean’s mouth. “Dean, sweetheart, more,” he moaned as he wound his fingers in Dean’s short hair.

Dean slid Cas’ cock deeper into his mouth inch by inch. He reached down to fondle Cas’ balls and could feel them tightening in his palm. He pulled off Cas’ cock with a pop, grinning at the groan he pulled from the man’s lips. “You’re so beautiful Cas! I love you so much.” He grabbed the lube and poured some on his fingers and quickly warmed it up.

“I love you too,” Cas cried as Dean slipped a single finger inside of his hole. He squeezed around the intrusion, never having experienced such a thing. He grabbed fistfuls of the blanket as Dean started to pump the single digit in and out of his body. “Dean, more please!”

“I got ya baby. I don’t want to hurt you,” Dean replied as he slid a second finger into Cas’ tight channel. “God Cas, you’re so hot!” He continued to thrust his finger in and out until Cas was loose enough that he was able to add a third finger.

Cas thrashed his head as he felt the pleasure pooling in his stomach. He was slowly rocking his hips on Dean’s finger, trying to get them deeper in his body. Finally, he couldn’t wait any longer. “Dean, I’m good, just fuck me!”

“Cas are you sure,” Dean asked with trepidation.

“Dammit, yes I’m sure! It’s my body, now would you please fill me with your cock,” Cas growled.

“You know for a virgin angel, you are a bossy bottom,” Dean joked as he lathered lube on his cock. He grabbed a pillow and shoved it under Cas’ hips. “Lift your legs for me baby.” Cas pulled his legs apart and up, exposing his glistening entrance. Dean scooted forward and placed the head of his cock against Cas’ hole. “You ready baby?”

“Dean,” Cas whimpered.

Dean pressed forward slowly and whined as the head of his cock slipped past the tight ring of muscle. Cas immediately clamped down around his cock. “Just relax Cas.”

“I’m trying sweetheart,” Cas replied breathlessly.

Once Cas was relaxed, Dean pushed in further. He went slowly until his cock was fully buried inside of Cas. He was panting at the exquisite feeling of having Cas’ heat surrounding his cock. “Fuck Cas, you feel so damn good!”

Dean set up a slow rhythm as he buried his cock inside of Cas’ body over and over. With every thrust, he punched a moan from the ex-angel. The sounds were music to Dean’s ears as he started to speed up his thrusts.

“Dean, more,” Cas whimpered.

“You’re so tight and hot Cas! God you squeeze me like a glove. I love you,” Dean said as he continued speeding up, the fire building to an inferno inside his body.

Cas’ cock was trapped between their bodies and precum was pouring from it profusely. He wrapped his legs around Dean’s waist forcing his cock deeper into Cas’ body. He grabbed his cock and started pumping in time with Dean’s thrusts. He locked his eyes with Dean’s. “I love you,” he whimpered.

Cas pumped his hand faster as he felt his balls tightening. Suddenly the volcano inside of him erupted and the orgasm crashed through his body. His cock spurted ropes of semen over his hand and onto his stomach. His channel clamped down around Dean’s cock.

Dean was so close to the edge that when Cas’ hole constricted around him, he was pushed over the edge. The orgasm punched through him as he emptied his cock deep inside of Cas’ body. He thrust a few more times before stilling and collapsing on top of Cas.

They laid there panting and covered in sweat as they came down from their orgasms. When Dean’s cock had softened enough, it slipped out of Cas with a squelch as lube and cum dribbled from his hole. Cas groaned at the feeling. “Well, that sounds… disgusting.”

Dean burst out laughing. “Yeah, let me grab a washcloth to clean us up with.” He hurried to the bathroom and returned a minute later with a wet rag. He wiped them down quickly before dropping the rag to the floor and crawling back into the bed with Cas.

He scooted up behind Cas, acting as the big spoon. He wrapped an arm around Cas’ waist and pulled him as close as possible. He peppered a few kisses to the back of his neck. “That was awesome Cas! I’ve never felt like this with any other person.”

Cas looked over his shoulder. “I must concur that it was extremely enjoyable, and I look forward to a repeat performance. Thank you for saving me Dean and showing me what love is.”

Dean nuzzled against the back of Cas’ neck as he whispered, “Well, you saved me. I told you I wanted to repay the favor.”

“We saved each other,” Cas said before a yawn escaped him.

“How about we take a nap before Sam gets home?” 

Cas linked his fingers with Dean’s. “That sounds like a good idea.”

A few months later found Dean and Cas in the park where the angel statue was. A red and white checkered blanket was spread on the grass next to the statue. Dean and Cas laid next to each other, enjoying an afternoon picnic. Dean held the miniature burger up to Cas’ lips and watched as his lover eagerly took a small bite.

“God Dean, you make the best burgers,” Cas said with a groan. He took another bite, closing his eyes in joy as the flavors danced across his tongue. “I can’t decide if I like these or Ellen’s cherry pie more.”

Dean plopped the last bite of burger in his mouth before saying, “I’m not even insulted that it’s a toss up between my burgers and Ellen’s pie. I’m pretty sure I’d pick the pie.”

Cas grinned as he pecked Dean on the lips. “I have to agree.”

“Of course you do. You have as big a sweet tooth as I do,” Dean replied as he picked up another burger for them to share.

“What do you expect when I live with a guy who is obsessed with pie and insists on having it at least three times a week.” Cas smirked as he leaned forward and pressed another kiss to Dean’s lips.

“Yeah yeah. I’ve got to find a way to replenish all the calories I lose since you force me to do yoga with you every afternoon. I’m gonna kill Sam for introducing you to all that hippy dippy shit,” Dean grumbled.

Cas rolled his eyes. “Oh hush, you love to stare at my ass while I’m doing that hippy dippy shit.”

“Can’t argue with you there,” Dean quipped.

They continued to split the burgers between them until only a few remained. Cas then pulled one of Ellen’s famous cherry pies from the basket and set it on the blanket. Dean’s eyes lit up with glee at seeing the dessert.

“You are the best boyfriend in the world,” he said gleefully before catching Cas’ mouth in a passionate kiss.

They traded sweet kisses, enjoying the sunshine on their back and the birds chirping in the trees. When they finally pulled apart, Cas cut a piece of pie and handfed Dean the entire slice. Of course Dean returned the favor. Once lunch was done, they curled up with one another and watched the clouds drift by.

The past few months had been a wonderful adventure, but it hadn’t been without its challenges. Losing his grace and becoming fully human had been harder on Cas than he thought it would be. Even though he didn’t regret his decision, he did in fact miss his wings and the strength he had when he was an angel. When he was having a bad day, Dean was always there to help him through it.

With Sam’s help, they finally managed to finish fixing up the apartment. Dean swore to never let it get so bad again. With Cas’ support, Dean hadn’t drunk a single beer in three months. For the most part, he didn’t miss the alcohol unless he had a really terrible workday. Cas had found sex was a good distraction.

Dean still worked for Benny as a repairman but had done a few remodeling jobs for a little extra cash. He had talked with Cas and was considering starting his own business. Cas had loved yoga so much that he was now a professional yoga instructor at the local gym. He still picked up a shift at the Roadhouse every now and again if Ellen was short staffed.

Neither of them had ever imagined they would get such a life. Dean had always assumed he would drink himself to death and Cas had believed he would be reduced to dust. Now, they were together and living a life better than they could hope. In a few weeks, they would be driving to California to visit Sam and congratulate him on his successful engagement. Dean was so ecstatic to have his brother back in his life and they talked at least once a week.

Cas stared at the clouds in the sky but kept getting distracted by the man lying next to him. He reached out to trail his fingers lightly across Dean’s chest. Dean turned his head and looked at him with a bright smile.

“What ya thinking about baby?” Dean asked as he reached down to entwine their fingers

“Honestly, nothing except for how happy I am. I love you so much,” he whispered as he leaned over and kissed his boyfriend.

Dean stared at Cas, love shining in his eyes. “I feel the same way Cas. I’m glad you’re my guardian angel.” 

Cas shook his head. “I’m not an angel anymore Dean.”

“You’ll always be my angel,” Dean whispered.

“Such a sap,” Cas replied.

They lazily made out before breaking apart. “I guess mom was right after all.” Dean said as he nodded towards the statue. “Angels were watching over me.” Cas continued to watch over Dean for the rest of their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to anyone and everyone who has read this fic and enjoyed it! You guys are awesome!

**Author's Note:**

> Well, hope you guys enjoyed this first chapter! Leave a kudos or a comment if you're feeling up to it!  
> If you want, you can follow me on tumblr at shadowywerewolfqueen and don't forget to follow notwithd as well for more stunning works!  
> Can't wait to see you guys for the next chapter!


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